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Original poster

I had to do cpr on someone today :(

117 replies

LandCleve · 19/11/2021 20:41

I won’t give too many details but it’s left me feeling really sad and I just wanted to write it down :(.

I was pretty sure the person had gone by the time I found them - I was on the phone to the person’s adult child as I discovered them so had to break the news. And then as I was doing cpr I could hear bones breaking :(.

Next week would’ve been my late dh’s birthday so my emotions are a bit raw anyway, and today hasn’t helped.

OP posts:
logsonlogsoff · 19/11/2021 21:30

Well done Op, for stepping up and at least trying. I gave CPR to someone I knew was almost certainly gone, in the street where he’d collapsed, but I tried , and kept trying till the ambulance arrived and the crew to over. His family where right there but couldn’t have done it too shocked.
He passed, probably the second he hit the pavement - I spoke to someone at the hospital later. I think about him often though. It’s the kind of thing that stays with you.

Starcaller · 19/11/2021 21:31

Bless you. Well done. It's a horribly intense and traumatic thing to witness, let alone take part in. No matter the outcome, you did a great thing today Thanks

plominoagain · 19/11/2021 21:32

Lots of respect to you for trying . It’s incredible how many people don’t . I’ve done it probably a dozen or so times in 25 years ( response police officer ) and of that dozen , only two survived , which were the last two . Mainly because we were carrying a defib , I believe .

I also did it once off duty , in the freezer aisle of our local Morrisons , which was unsuccessful, and that was the one that comes back the most - in fact I avoided it for almost 6 months . It’s one thing doing it with my work head on - and quite another doing it with your kids watching , and people who only know me as someone’s mum telling everyone on Facebook .

logsonlogsoff · 19/11/2021 21:32

Have some sugary tea, and let it sink in. And think of how well you handled it.

Russell19 · 19/11/2021 21:34

I'm guessing you knew the person you found?

Was it a family member? If so sorry for your loss too and you were so brave.

CagneyNYPD1 · 19/11/2021 21:35

@LandCleve thank you for trying. My dad died suddenly 8 years ago. He collapsed surrounded by people he barely knew. CPR was given. Paramedics worked on him too. I was devastated but in my worst moments, I was able to take great comfort in the knowledge that he wasn't just left. That someone did try. That he wasn't alone. This knowledge was hugely important and pulled me through some very dark moments.

So what you did today was so very important. Please do be kind to yourself. You are allowed to feel shaken and upset. You helped because you are a good person and this is why you feel the way you do. Please take care.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 19/11/2021 21:36

At my first First Aid training, what stuck in my mind most was the instructor (who had been doing it for over 45 years) saying at the start of CPR section;

'Remember this;

  1. Everybody you give CPR to is already dead. By this, I mean that if you do nothing, they're dead, chances are if you do something, they're dead. But if you do something, you give them a tiny, tiny chance. You give them a few minutes of time and sometimes, in those minutes, a miracle can happen.
  1. There are sounds. There's the obstructed airways one, there's the no longer breathing one, there are sounds of the cartilage around the breastbone and sometimes you break ribs. If somebody survives, they're hardly going to be worried about a couple of broken ribs.
  1. Book counselling the same day. Doesn't matter whether they live or die, you book your counselling straight away. You're going to need it. I've done it every single time and it's the best thing you can do for yourself.
  1. Afterwards, do a refresher course. Not because you've done anything wrong, but because physically being in that position again can hit you hard. Doing the course means you can get through that before you ever find yourself with another casualty.'

Since then (less than ten years ago, by the way), the survival rate has massively increased - but that's because of defibrillators in so many places. The likelihood of death away from defibs is just the same as it ever was.

I've found myself in a couple of circumstances where somebody has performed CPR unsuccessfully for their parent and because I'm trained, apologised for it, but said they needed to speak about it. Both spoke of the sounds of CPR.

You did something great today. You performed CPR on somebody. You achieved something remarkable - because you tried. You did everything right. You were a hero. Because you did it.

Please do book specific post CPR counselling.

CiaoForDiNiaoSaur · 19/11/2021 21:37

Flowers thank you for trying.

I've had to do it too and it was awful.

tricervixtops · 19/11/2021 21:38

You are amazing for trying to save a life, well done OP. The family will be so grateful that you did everything you could, be kind to yourself, you are amazing Thanks

Runforthehillocks · 19/11/2021 21:42

Well done you. The pp is right, you are a hero. I hope you can find peace from knowing that.

crimsonlake · 19/11/2021 21:43

Sorry you have gone through this..the thing that strikes me if I was ever in this situation with an older person you do not know if they have signed a DNR.

Salome61 · 19/11/2021 21:45

Big hugs to you for being so brave and trying. I got home to find people just standing over my late husband who was face down on the ground, they hadn't even tried to put him in the recovery position.

Crunchymum · 19/11/2021 21:46

Oh gosh OP. What a horrid thing to have gone through. Please be kind to yourself and know that you did something very brave and important today.

My dad had to perform CPR on my my mum just over a year ago (she didn't make it). He doesn't speak of it and he seems to be coping OK, this thread makes me feel even more in awe of him and how he dealt with such a tragic situation.

Original poster
LandCleve · 19/11/2021 21:48

Thank you for thanking me. I couldn’t not have done it but I knew for sure (in so much as a non medical person can know) that they were gone before I found them. I did talk to them as I was working on them, and I was willing to stay until it was decided where they should go next (adult children live abroad). But the police had to attend, and the paramedics told me that, because of police attending, they the paramedics) had to stay until the police arrived. I went and said goodbye and made sure they were covered with the duvet :(.

I feel desperately sad for the children who live abroad and probably won’t be able to get here until Monday. Thank you for enquiring after my welfare - I am in bed, with the dog and some walnut whips :)

OP posts:
Original poster
LandCleve · 19/11/2021 21:50

@Salome61

Big hugs to you for being so brave and trying. I got home to find people just standing over my late husband who was face down on the ground, they hadn't even tried to put him in the recovery position.
Oh that’s so sad, I’m really sorry x
OP posts:
notawittyname1954 · 19/11/2021 21:52

I think its amazing that you tried. It takes courage and you should be proud that you tried. Its a truly horrible situation you were in. I hope that you are getting some sympathy and support. Their family will be grateful that you did something.

godmum56 · 19/11/2021 21:54

You have my wholehearted admiration

Chanel05 · 19/11/2021 21:54

You did a wonderful thing and for that you should be proud of yourself. Be kind to yourself. The success rates of cpr without a defib are sadly tiny x

nocoolnamesleft · 19/11/2021 21:55

You tried. Not everyone can find the courage to do that. You tried to give them that tiny hint of a chance. And when that didn't work, as it almost never does, you acted to respect them as a person, and to preserve their dignity. What little comfort the family has in this situation comes from your actions.

But it is a traumatic thing for you to have done. Don't criticise yourself for reacting as a human being. It would be so much worse not to. Find a good friend to debrief to. Have some crap tv on in the background, to help keep the images in your head at bay. And definitely eat chocolate. Chocolate is the only food I can ever stomach after an unsuccessful resuscitation, and I'm in a nice safe clinical environment, surrounded by a team. You were alone. You are not alone now. We are all thinking of you.

WorkBitch · 19/11/2021 21:57
Flowers
Longdistance · 19/11/2021 21:57

Aww, I’m so sorry you had to go through this. Well done for doing your best. You could only but try Flowers

WimpoleHat · 19/11/2021 21:57

You tried. You did your best. His family will be grateful for that and you should feel very proud of yourself. Take care of yourself now; enjoy some rest and some walnut whips!

BoreOfWhabylon · 19/11/2021 22:04

I went and said goodbye and made sure they were covered with the duvet Sad.

What kindness, care and compassion, you absolute Star

In my loooong career as an A&E nurse, I performed CPR hundreds, if not thousands, of times. Yes ribs break and it feels awful. The older the person, the more likely this is to happen. Yes there can be noises. This is because, as you press down on the chest, air can be forced up the airways and through the larynx (voice box). Air can also be forced back up from the stomach, like burping.

It's difficult enough for trained and experienced professionals. OP and others on the thread who attempted this without any experience should be proud of themselves.

unknownstory · 19/11/2021 22:12

Rest easy in the knowledge that you did the only thing you could, to try. It's very hard to do CPR. Unless started almost immediately the odds are very low. This is why defibs are so important.
But you tried. Just in case there was a chance. The family will take great comfort in that hopefully.

Shallwegoforawalk · 19/11/2021 22:14

Very sound advice from @NeverDropYourMooncup it is a truly difficult and remarkable thing to do.

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