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Original poster

Would you think something or nothing of this?

35 replies

AnxiouslyAnxiousToday · 19/11/2021 11:00

I’m due my second baby next year and I’ve brought some nice little rompers. One in particular is rainbow print with ‘my little rainbow’ on the front.

A close friend asked in a group chat I’m in why I hadn’t told them about losing a baby and as were friends there all their to talk which then got the others asking questions and it’s come from the fact I’ve brought this rainbow romper?

I’m not oblivious, I’m aware of the term ‘rainbow baby’ and it’s meaning.. but I haven’t suffered a loss and said as such after she explained why she thought I had. Then she messaged me privately to ask why I brought it if I hadn’t suffered a loss as I’ll probably get ‘hate’ for it if I haven’t lost a baby(?!?!) She just thought it was a bit inconsiderate and that another friend (also in group chat) agreed (so they’ve obviously talked about it not to me as well as as she was private messaging at this point Blush

Now I feel a bit taken back, maybe a little bit embarrassed or self conscious that people will know I haven’t lost a baby but am ‘appearing’ too by having this rainbow romper and I’m not sure whether to return it.

I didn’t really think anything of it when I brought it at all, I just loved the print and my daughters room is rainbow themed but nothing ever came about with that?! - but now it’s been mentioned I’m not sure what to think. Is it considered inconsiderate? Should I return it? So I just need to be less bothered about what people may think? I don’t want people to assume I’ve suffered a loss when I haven’t as I find that more disrespectful to those who have.. but equally does this mean I can never dress the kids in rainbows?! Sad

OP posts:
Winterfellismyhome · 19/11/2021 11:02

I think its fine. Yes rainbows are associated with a baby after a loss but rainbows are also a nice thing to look at. Congratulations on your baby

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 19/11/2021 11:03

I have lost babies and I wouldn't ever assume that a baby with a rainbow on its top was a 'rainbow' baby (I really hate that term) I would just assume it was a baby with a rainbow on its top.

Your friend is really very odd.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/11/2021 11:05

I think they're over thinking it. I don't think people will be stopping you in the street to check if you've lost a baby or console you.

Not to mention she'll wear it for a few months tops, possibly with a cardigan etc on top, if out often under a blanket etc so hardly anyone will see it fully.

I'd probably not make a point if wearing it around them

Has SHE had a loss? Or is she getting offended on behalf of people unknown?

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 19/11/2021 11:05

Utterly bizarre. Sorry but what a load of ludicrousness.

And say you had actually lost a baby, your 'friend' shouldn't have started discussing it on a WhatsApp group. How dare she broadcast your business?

Rainbows are for whoever wants to wear them.

Does your 'friend' often talk shite? And try to tell everyone your personal business?

BleuJay · 19/11/2021 11:05

Rainbows are not the exclusive property of any specific group.

The woman sounds a bit intense and I would dismiss her notions and perhaps consider blocking her loony messages.

Nyxly · 19/11/2021 11:06

Rainbows are nor the exclusive sign of baby loss. I have lost a baby and I think its absolutely fine to have this for your baby

Quite frankly, I would be backing away fro anyone who thought they could dictate what my child wore. And then tried to shame into complying.

MoorGirl · 19/11/2021 11:06

Your friend sounds bonkers. Enjoy your baby x

De88 · 19/11/2021 11:07

I've had a miscarriage, damn no one told me I own the rainbow now. She's rude.

Original poster
AnxiouslyAnxiousToday · 19/11/2021 11:12

@SleepingStandingUp
I want to say no she’s never suffered a loss (but I can never be 100% certain of that I guess!) she’s still living at home, single and has always expressed more interest in not wanting kids than wanting them so I’d think it’s more likely she hasnt. But we do know of people who have had multiple losses, not close friends but acquaintances; so she may be thinking from their point of view?

OP posts:
madisonbridges · 19/11/2021 11:14

First of all if you HAD lost a baby and decided not to talk about it, it would be none of her flaming business. Chiding you publicly to talk about it is rude.
Secondly, rainbows are pretty, so get associated with everything. Haven't we just been through 18mths where rainbows were associated with the NHS? And rainbows on children's clothes are everywhere - nothing to do with loss and everything to do with colour and sparkle.
Dress your baby in what you like and not what this 'friend' dictates is right or wrong. She's like a rainbow stasi! Cheeky fucker.

LakeShoreD · 19/11/2021 11:14

Your friend is weird and really quite nasty for bringing it up on a group chat- WTAF.

So many items of girls clothing have rainbows on, no one will make that conclusion from a rainbow alone, but I do think the slogan ‘my little rainbow’ sounds as if it’s about baby loss.

HipsHipsHooray · 19/11/2021 11:17

A rainbow is a sign for the NHS
A rainbow is a sign for LGTB+
Rainbows are beautiful, your baby will look beautiful in the outfit
Don't let them influence you, tell them that you're sorry for their losses but this is for your baby and you'll buy what you want for he/she and he/she will wear it regardless

Fifthtimelucky · 19/11/2021 11:28

I agree that rainbows symbolise all sorts of things so I wouldn't think twice about clothing with a picture of a rainbow.

However I agree with @LakeShoreD that the slogan 'my little rainbow' does make it sound as if you have previously suffered the loss of a child.

girlmom21 · 19/11/2021 11:35

I hate the term 'rainbow baby' and I had a miscarriage last year.

However, I love little childrens rainbow clothes and will buy them for my baby, and wouldn't ever think about whether someone's lost a baby or not.

Congratulations on baby!

DoctorWhoTardis · 19/11/2021 11:36

I've lost multiple babies including stillborns and would never assume a baby was a "rainbow baby" from a r shirt that said my little rainbow.
Anyone who gets offended and gives you hate for that... are just immature and childish and looking for a fight.

CityCommuter · 19/11/2021 11:37

@AnxiouslyAnxiousToday Tbh your so called 'close friend' sounds like a judgmental gossip with too much time on her hands! You had already explained to her why you bought it simply because you liked it which is perfectly fine IMO but then she had the cheek to private message you to say she'd been talking about you to another friend who is also judging you and to say you'd get 'hate' is a horrible thing to say to anyone let alone a close friend. They both sound like nasty people who jump to conclusions very quickly and make the wrong conclusions at that! I'd be careful of them in the future and distance myself and find new friends...

FawnFrenchieMum · 19/11/2021 11:46

It wouldn't have crossed my mind either. I have suffered a couple of losses but personality dislike the term rainbow baby. I know I'll get some grief over this but that makes me feel like the baby is a replacement for the lost baby. I just don't like it. Rainbows are beautiful, babies are beautiful. Keep the romper.

Original poster
AnxiouslyAnxiousToday · 19/11/2021 11:55

Thanks all. I can see how perhaps the slogan probably fuelled their assumptions rather than the print itself now. Not that I would still assume that I’d lost a baby just for wearing a rainbow romper with a slogan referring to rainbows on it, but given rainbows are associated this loss I can see how some might have that mindset and other might not.

I think this is a case of ‘each to their own’ and I need to be less worried of what they think as clearly from this thread it’s not that bothersome! And they need to be less worried of the clothes I buy for my unborn baby!

I’ve always considered her a really close friend and this has skewed the way I see our friendship now. Especially silly as it seems as though she started the conversation in the group chat as more of a gossiping factor rather than being genuinely concerned I may have lost a baby Confused

OP posts:
DowntonCrabby · 19/11/2021 11:57

They sound like horrible, overly precious, judgmental friends.

Congratulations OP, dress your baby however the heck you like.

Mamamamasaurus · 19/11/2021 11:58

I'd assume your baby is gay. Or works for the NHS.

You're over thinking it and your friend is a twat.

ArblemarchTFruitbat · 19/11/2021 12:02

What sort of person would ask if a woman had lost a baby? Even if you are a close friend, it's something anyone with a modicum of sensitivity would wait to be told.

Anyone who asks that is crass and their opinion isn't worth anything.

Dollywilde · 19/11/2021 12:06

The phrase 'my little rainbow' does sort of make me think the baby is a rainbow baby in the 'child after a loss' sense. But in your scenario.. I wouldn't think twice about it, wouldn't quiz a friend over it and certainly wouldn't berate them and tell them they'd get 'hate'?! What a bizarre thing to do. Your friend hasn't been very nice.

makelovenotpetrol · 19/11/2021 12:07

Wow. What a nut! I've had a miscarriage and a stillbirth. I would think absolutely nothing about your DDs clothes other than that's a cute rainbow top with a happy slogan.

I had a pregnancy after my miscarriage and I didn't term that a rainbow baby. I am not having anymore children now but if I did, I wouldn't be calling them rainbow babies either, having had a stillbirth.

Buy what you like and ignore ridiculous comments, definitely their problem not yours - although them asking you if you've had a loss is really invasive and inappropriate!

NewlyGranny · 19/11/2021 12:09

The rainbow has been co-opted as a symbol for a variety of causes: LGBTQ+ lobbying; pregnancy loss and most recently the NHS.

Truth is, nobody has a monopoly of the rainbow and nobody can patent it, so I wouldn't worry. Your DC will outgrow it soon enough, and if anyone criticises you can just counter with, "All babies are precious," which is undeniable, or "I just like rainbows."

If you're feeling mischievous, you could even say, "We're waiting for DC to tell us their gender."

makelovenotpetrol · 19/11/2021 12:09

"I don’t want people to assume I’ve suffered a loss when I haven’t as I find that more disrespectful to those who have.. but equally does this mean I can never dress the kids in rainbows?!"

Just to confirm replying directly to your question - I have suffered a deeply traumatic loss as mentioned above and take absolutely no offence at your choice of top whatsoever. I also, as a result of said loss know lots of people who have lost babies in similar situations - they wouldn't mind either. And of course you can dress you kids in rainbows. I dress mine in them, and since my first child was my first pregnancy, they definitely weren't a baby after a loss and she has worn rainbows since day dot.