Would you consider this a Micro-agression?

[ChequeredHistory]

To ask someone of Chinese Heritage if they know a good Chinese restaurant? Or someone of Pakistani heritage a good Indian restaurant? I know that there are many different cuisines in China and Pakistan is not India and again there are tons of different cuisines within both countries but is it offensive to ask someone?

This was given as an example of a micro-agression on a radio programme I heard a snippet of when I was in the car . I'm from an ethnic minority and hadnt considered this a problem. I'd say I only know a certain type of cuisine well so couldn't give an informed opinion on others but I know where people of my ethnicity
and different groups within my ethnicity like to go to eat and so far haven't felt offended to be asked. I just wondered what others think about this as an example of micro-agression.

No, I wouldn’t. I think this is normal conversation.

The thing is, it would be terrible if, when speaking with someone of Chinese / Pakistani / other ethnicity, people were so afraid of committing some sort of faux pas, they couldn’t relax and be normal. I’d ask a white British person where a nice Chinese restaurant was.

I wouldn't have thought so, but I'm white so I've never been asked. I can see that it would be annoying if people thought you were the go to authority on Chinese takeaways just because you're Chinese though. So maybe it is?

I've never thought about it before.

My Pakistani friend prides himself in knowing where to get the best and most authentic food near us. Everyone goes to him for suggestions and he's happy to advise.

I’m white british. I would say that a micro-aggression is whatever the person on the receiving end says it is. Not up to me to decide

I just wondered what others think about this as an example of micro-agression.

To me it seems like the grievance and offence industry have just found another horse to hitch its wagon to.

I'm from an ethnic minority and hadnt considered this a problem

It does not matter that you are not offended, there are plenty of people waiting in the wings to take offence on your behalf.

I'm Irish and if someone asked me if I could recommend them a good Irish pub I would try my best to accommodate their request. If someone else starting taking offence on my part I would be telling them to 'cop themselves on'.

My husband is not from the UK and was happy to talk about where to find the best food from his country.

My friend hates being asked for recommendations for Chinese restaurants just because she looks Chinese (those are her words). It’s the assumption that she must know about Chinese food because of her family. She is British. She has never been to China. It pisses her off.

Oh dear. Yet another thing to worry about. I have always asked advice from my friends about where to eat/buy ingredients/cook certain dishes. Not once have I ever thought there would be any reason for offence.

I would consider someone using the word micro aggression around me to be a micro agression.

What is your ethnic minority OP?

You seem very coy about it. Don't reveal your own at all

Yet keen to solicit views about these particular people being offended by micro aggressions.

Are you a member of Yorkshire cricket club by any chance?
In which case, can you recommend a brand of tea to drink?

What I think the core distinction here is between people who have come to the UK from other cultures (who might enjoy being asked about their authentic food), and British people with more distant or disconnected heritage who feel like people aren't treating them as properly British when they ask those kinds of questions.

As ever, a question can be rude or insensitive if you're a stranger to a person that wouldn't be rude if you know them well!

So daft. I guess it was a micro-aggression when people in Asia used to ask me for advice in supermarkets about Western cooking etc....or it doesn't apply when you are minority white in a majority non-white country?

@TheBlackDarner

What is your ethnic minority OP?

You seem very coy about it. Don't reveal your own at all

Yet keen to solicit views about these particular people being offended by micro aggressions.

Are you a member of Yorkshire cricket club by any chance?
In which case, can you recommend a brand of tea to drink?

This is what I was thinking

These threads always seem very disingenuous and will not end well

TheBlackDarner

Why does it matter what my ethnicity is? I'm Jewish btw. Ive been asked which Jewish restaurant/bakeries /deli I'd recommend. I'd not considered it offensive. Then I heard this given as an example and thought maybe I'm being naive. I've been on the receiving end of proper racism a few times and the other night around 9 someone walked up the street and yelled fuck off Jews . My grandpa's gravestone has been deliberately damaged. I've received racism and bullying at work. I'd not thought being asked where does the best bagels or chicken soup etc might be racist.

I’m white, so clearly not the ‘go to’ authority on experiencing racism, but if you’re asking a person where the best places to eat are purely because they are of that ethnicity, I think it could very reasonably be seen by many as a micro aggression and more.

I think it’s very different from general conversation, say if they’re a local and you’ve just moved to the area, or it’s a group of people and you’re asking everyone, rather than singling someone out, or you because you know that someone is a massive foodie/restaurant goer, because then you’re asking on the basis of experience and their knowledge of an area you’re unfamiliar with rather than their ethnicity.

Ive had Chinese friends advise me unbidden where the best places to go are with unmistakable authority like "we eat here and you can't argue with that recommendation"...

@ZenNudist

Ive had Chinese friends advise me unbidden where the best places to go are with unmistakable authority like "we eat here and you can't argue with that recommendation"...

I think that’s different to walking into a group of people and asking the one person who looks Chinese to tell you where to eat out.

I think this one is context. I am south african, clear south african accent, family still in South Africa, refer to it because it's a core part of my identity etc. If someone asked me where I recommend for biltong, I would not find that offensive.

DS has a friend whose mother is Chinese. They celebrate Chinese new year and have organised little events for the children in the class at Chinese new year etc. The child speaks Chinese at home and with the other Chinese (from China - just moved to England) child at school. I might well ask her for a recommendation on the assumption that like me, she may well be seeking out the best examples of her culture and cuisine while living in England. Although I don't know where in China she's from so, for might need to clarify that as possibly she doesn't particularly like Cantonese or Szechuan cuisines, which are the only two Chinese styles I know particularly well.

But if a random English person with Asian features is asked for the best Chinese restaurant locally, of course that's a micro aggression - you're making assumptions based purely on how the person looks. And if I was Pakistani, I'd definitely be insulted if I was asked for the best local Indian restaurant.

@ChequeredHistory

TheBlackDarner

Why does it matter what my ethnicity is? I'm Jewish btw. Ive been asked which Jewish restaurant/bakeries /deli I'd recommend. I'd not considered it offensive. Then I heard this given as an example and thought maybe I'm being naive. I've been on the receiving end of proper racism a few times and the other night around 9 someone walked up the street and yelled fuck off Jews . My grandpa's gravestone has been deliberately damaged. I've received racism and bullying at work. I'd not thought being asked where does the best bagels or chicken soup etc might be racist.

What the hell is proper racism ?

Jewish? Really? Yet so very angry when challenged.

A Jewish person who has not experienced micro aggressions in their daily life?

Righty ho

Yes I think @Triffid1 makes it clear.

There are real issues with this type of training IMO - it’s actually very subtle and hard to convey in a workshop situation. A lot of people just take away a sort of terror that they can’t have small talk with ethnic minority colleagues any more. Personally I’m not sure the microagression approach as a training topic is very useful.

As per pp, surely it’s the difference between asking your Chinese friend who has volunteered recommendations previously for a Chinese restaurant recommendation and asking your British acquaintance of Asian heritage for a Chinese restaurant recommendation assuming they are a) of Chinese background because you think they look it b) know about Chinese food because they might have some relatives from there and c) want to discuss/share that part of their background with you.

I think it is a micro-aggression. It implies an assumption about the individual and their preferences based solely on their observed racial features. There's something of the "all Chinese people are the same" about it iyswim.

I'm on the fence. In the course of a normal conversation with friends, and asking the group where one happens to be of a ethnic minority, maybe not.

At work, or something I can see how someone going 'oh Jo, do you know of a good Chinese' leaving a person thinking, why are you randomly asking me? Is it just because you know/think they're Chinese and so must know the best one?

I hope not as I was discussing with a Turkish guy the best Turkish restaurant

@LiquidSodaCrystal

Yes I think *@Triffid1* makes it clear.

There are real issues with this type of training IMO - it’s actually very subtle and hard to convey in a workshop situation. A lot of people just take away a sort of terror that they can’t have small talk with ethnic minority colleagues any more. Personally I’m not sure the microagression approach as a training topic is very useful.

Agree with this.

I have real problems with " trainers". You train dogs.
People benefit from education.

A lot of this " training" is counter productive.

So are threads like this, where an OP claiming to be an ethic minority has a pop at other minorities.

It's just dog whistle fodder as can be seen by some of the replies.