Would you consider this a Micro-agression?

[ChequeredHistory]

To ask someone of Chinese Heritage if they know a good Chinese restaurant? Or someone of Pakistani heritage a good Indian restaurant? I know that there are many different cuisines in China and Pakistan is not India and again there are tons of different cuisines within both countries but is it offensive to ask someone?

This was given as an example of a micro-agression on a radio programme I heard a snippet of when I was in the car . I'm from an ethnic minority and hadnt considered this a problem. I'd say I only know a certain type of cuisine well so couldn't give an informed opinion on others but I know where people of my ethnicity
and different groups within my ethnicity like to go to eat and so far haven't felt offended to be asked. I just wondered what others think about this as an example of micro-agression.

I would hope not. Aggression indicates it’s coming from the person asking so if the intention is to make the person feel bad or othered then I could see the aggression but asking this kind of question is usually trying to bond with the person over a shared love of food, showing appreciation for their food and an interest in trying something they enjoy. If something as simple as this is offensive then soon enough we’re not going to be able to talk to anyone who isn’t from your own street/family and the world will be more insular and racist… makes me quite sad.

*ethnic minority
(although ethic may be a Freudian slip)

I'm a Londoner in NZ. Not half an hour ago a friend asked me what the Hacienda was like. I explained that I'd never been there it being 300 miles from where I lived.

Micro aggression clearly. All us Poms are the same and go to the same clubs.

@ChequeredHistory

To ask someone of Chinese Heritage if they know a good Chinese restaurant? Or someone of Pakistani heritage a good Indian restaurant? I know that there are many different cuisines in China and Pakistan is not India and again there are tons of different cuisines within both countries but is it offensive to ask someone?

This was given as an example of a micro-agression on a radio programme I heard a snippet of when I was in the car . I'm from an ethnic minority and hadnt considered this a problem. I'd say I only know a certain type of cuisine well so couldn't give an informed opinion on others but I know where people of my ethnicity
and different groups within my ethnicity like to go to eat and so far haven't felt offended to be asked. I just wondered what others think about this as an example of micro-agression.

Yes it is. As an Indian I don’t ask white people if they know a good British pub place - I look it up on bloody Google / Tripadvisor

Lots of micro-aggressions aren't done with deliberate intent to harm. If someone tells me "You are very good at X for a woman" they may mean to be nice, but it is a micro-aggression. If a university names all it's buildings after white people, they probably aren't setting out to harm people of colour, but it is still a micro-aggression.

@silentpool

So daft. I guess it was a micro-aggression when people in Asia used to ask me for advice in supermarkets about Western cooking etc....or it doesn't apply when you are minority white in a majority non-white country?

I don’t think this is really the same thing, is it? I’m assuming that you were spending a bit of time in that country. You weren’t born there, you hadn’t grown up there, their culture wasn’t your culture.

Micro aggressions are largely directed at people who are as British as every other British person, but who are still made to feel that they are something other than British. And that might not offend some, but it could be utterly gut wrenching to others. And who wants to be a dick to someone for absolutely no reason?

Aggression indicates it’s coming from the person asking so if the intention is to make the person feel bad or othered then I could see the aggression but asking this kind of question is usually trying to bond with the person over a shared love of food, showing appreciation for their food and an interest in trying something they enjoy.

All people of a certain heritage enjoy the same food? How do you know what “their food” is? It is othering to assume that because someone is of Chinese descent, they like eating at Chinese restaurants.

I’m not sure if it’s micro aggression as such but I think the key here is not to assume or ask because the person in question is of that heritage.

If you know that person is of Chinese heritage and you know they like going out to eat Chinese food, so you ask if they could recommend a place then fine. But that’s very different to asking anybody of Chinese heritage for a recommendation because then you’re assuming that a) they’re Chinese (they could be British, American etc etc) and b) they like Chinese food because they’re Chinese.

The problem with any sort of training of this sort, including around sexual harassment etc is that it's often either not done well in the first place OR, even if the trainers are good, the resistance from the attendees is such that they take away completely different lessons.

Micro aggressions are a good example. A good trainer and an engaged audience should lead to an understanding of the difference between asking your actually Chinese mate who often talks about China for food recommendations and randomly stopping someone who looks like they might have Asian heritage. It's the difference between asking someone with an obvious accent, "where are you from" and asking someone who has clearly grown up in Manchester, "no, where are you really from".

It really shouldn't be that hard to understand the difference and it amazes me that people find it so hard.

My DC have my husband's surname. It's from a different ethnicity and English people find it difficult. DD has started asking if she can change her name to mine (bog standard English-derived surname) because people at school give her a hard time. FFS.

It's rude if you're asking them based only on their ethnicity. Not all Chinese people, or people of Chinese heritage, or people who look Chinese to you, will know or even care about the best Chinese restaurants. Some are foodies, some are not. Chinese restaurants vary hugely in cuisine and type - if I took high-end Szechuan cuisine seriously I wouldn't appreciate being asked for takeaway recommendations.

I've sometimes been asked - I'm mixed-race, including Chinese, but born and raised in Britain. I like Chinese food a lot and am a restaurant enthusiast but I don't have any special knowledge about Chinese ones.

I would ask someone of a certain heritage for their restaurant recommendations if I knew them well enough or if they'd given me some sort of signal that they'd know. For example, I've asked a friend of Jamaican heritage about the best jerk in London because I know she has strong opinions on it. I also recently asked a Turkish guy at a party about the best lahmacun in London because we got talking about food and he asked if I'd tried it.

It's about actually getting to know the person you're talking to as an individual, not seeing their skin colour and assuming they know or care about X/Y/Z.

@Sn0tnose

Micro aggressions are largely directed at people who are as British as every other British person, but who are still made to feel that they are something other than British. And that might not offend some, but it could be utterly gut wrenching to others.

So I'm UK born but have lived in NZ for many years. I am an NZ citizen. We have a business here and we employ many Kiwis.

I have a slight UK accent. A friend recently asked me my best recipe for Yorkshire Puddings. I didn't have one. I've never made them before.

Micro aggression?

Sorry, this is a bit frivolous…..but if you’re going to ask a random West Indian looking man about Jamaican food you’d better pray that it’s not my DH unless you have a very high boredom threshold and a couple of hours to spare!

He was born in London but he loves talking about Jamaican food and cooking.

@Smorgasborb I'm not sure about this. I'm a second-generation immigrant, i.e. I consider myself totally British. BUT, I still have that foreign heritage and I don't need people to pretend I don't have it. My heritage is not the same as someone whose grandparents were all born here.

I'm mixed black & white. Once in an open plan office of about 55 colleagues who were all white someone sought me out to ask me how to cook jerk chicken. I had never mentioned jerk chicken - nor even cooking, so what made her ask me? My race. She looked very uncomfortable when I asked her why would she assume I would know that? It is a micro aggression. I have also been asked about rap music & caribbean holiday destinations, neither of which have I ever indicated having any knowledge of. It's extremely tiring & offensive!

It’s quite obviously a micro aggression. And it’s silly to do if you think about it for more than a minute.

Didn't realise bagels and chicken soup were a Jewish thing.

You learn new things everyday.

@StillPerplexed

What I think the core distinction here is between people who have come to the UK from other cultures (who might enjoy being asked about their authentic food), and British people with more distant or disconnected heritage who feel like people aren't treating them as properly British when they ask those kinds of questions.

As ever, a question can be rude or insensitive if you're a stranger to a person that wouldn't be rude if you know them well!

I agree. This is a very important distinction.

So are threads like this, where an OP claiming to be an ethic minority has a pop at other minorities.

Don't you bloody dare tell me I'm claiming to be Jewish.

And I'm not having a pop. I'm saying I've not thought of asking for restaurant requests as an aggression before and asked what other people opinions are .

It's just dog whistle

I'm Jewish but I don't think I would dare to put myself in the same category of oppression as the Black and Asian community...

Don't go looking to be offended, and don't get on a high horse when other people explain they do find something offensive. It's not that hard.

I think it’s weird that people would deliberately ask an Indian where the best Indian restaurant is or Chinese person where the best Chinese restaurant is etc etc. Why on earth would they know? Do you imagine they’ve tried them all in a desperate attempt recognise the most authentic food? How bizarre! Just Google the reviews like most people do.

[quote Smorgasborb]@Sn0tnose

Micro aggressions are largely directed at people who are as British as every other British person, but who are still made to feel that they are something other than British. And that might not offend some, but it could be utterly gut wrenching to others.

So I'm UK born but have lived in NZ for many years. I am an NZ citizen. We have a business here and we employ many Kiwis.

I have a slight UK accent. A friend recently asked me my best recipe for Yorkshire Puddings. I didn't have one. I've never made them before.

Micro aggression?

[/quote]
No, it's not a micro aggression. Because the question re yorkshire puddings is based on the assumption that English people eat them weekly and the knowledge that you are English.

Why is this hard to understand? The micro aggression is not based on the question itself. The micro aggression comes from making assumptions about people based on how they look.

Yes I think it is. Not least because I feel a lot of south East Asian people are mistaken to be Chinese when they are not.

Like a few other posters have said, it's all context driven, and while hard to deliver a set of 'rules' to cover every single possible scenario, in real life it's not that hard for any one with a basic modicum of common sense and respect to navigate. Same with cultural appropriation.

Don't go looking to be offended, and don't get on a high horse when other people explain they do find something offensive. It's not that hard.

I'm offended when someone says I'm claiming to be Jewish. And I'm not offended by others saying they do think it's a micro-agression to ask for restaurant recommendations. And I agree I am not claiming to be on the receiving end of the everyday racism that black and Asian heritage people face. But neither do I think that anti-Semitism should be minimised. We are often made to feel it's not allowed to say we are subject to racism because that is not my experience.

I'm Scottish, I was chatting to a man in duty free a couple of years ago and he asked me for any recommendations on "Scotch" as he called it. Is this a micro-aggression?