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How can I get my son into school

54 replies

Xmasss · 12/11/2021 08:05

There's alot going on with my son at the moment he's 14. One of the battles is he won't go to school. I have had letters about his attendance and legal action. I keep getting told that there will be a meeting and then court where I would get into trouble. But no one seems to be giving advice on (how) I can get him back. I can't physically touch him. I can't March him to school he's much stronger than me. He admits theres no actual reason for him not to be at school.

There are some other stuff going on. He keeps trying to put himself in care. Again he admits there's no safe garding issues nothing has happened to him at home. He just tells them he wants to go on care because hes angry.

We are trying to put some things I'm place at school there is counselling but he's not going to that as he's refusing school.

Camhs have rejected him but gave other places we could try. Which I have done referrals for and waiting to hear back. I have a someone calling me today to make an assessment. They are set up for me and him to get help together and help us both as he's aggressive towards me and I have admitted that I'm scared if him.

There are other things I have suggested to him like activities spending time together there was a youth project that works with children not attending school. He's refused them all.

A support worker from social services is going to be working with us from next week

OP posts:
Doubledoorsontogarden · 15/11/2021 13:02

I suspect he looks at his mates in care and thinks that they get more than him, ask him honestly if he wants to go into care? Maybe ask the social worker to give him a realistic view of what happens? Also get another adult to tell him how this affecting his future and how it’s impacting on you?

Is his father on the scene?

Xmasss · 15/11/2021 13:30

@TankFlyBoss

Hi *@Xmasss*

Sorry to hear you are in this difficult position. I wanted to respond because I am an EWO and have been for a very long time. I'm sorry you haven't felt your ewo has been useful so far.

I haven't read all the comments but have read your first post carefully. Is he in year 9 or 10 and when did he transition to this school? When did this start and how quickly did it escalate? What was he like last year, the year or two before that? Does he have any SEN diagnosed or suspected? Does he show any anxiety?

I would agree with the comments about safeguarding concerns from some of his behaviours and would also advise you to seek further advice. Youth services are good, the school may employ or have access to their own youth worker. Has the EWO visited your child, perhaps with a teacher from school?

In terms of EWO support I think we are often in the firing line for both unhappy parents and schools so I wanted to respond to some of what you have said and general comments further in the thread. The primary job is to promote and enforce school attendance, that is the statutory requirement of the role so we are basically employed to identify children and young people who's attendance is cause for concern, and sort of do preliminary enquiries and investigations. We are not mental health workers, educational psychologists or social workers so we cannot work with many of the underlying causes ourselves and the role of the EWO is often to pull other things together instead. There is a legal bottom line in that under the education act, parents have a legal responsibility to ensure their children's regular and punctual school attendance and failure to do so is a criminal offence. Sometimes that feels very harsh, but in the 18 years I have done the job I can honestly say I have never seen anyone taken to court as anything other than a last resort, where months or years of support had failed and the parent had not done absolutely everything within their power to get the child into school. Regardless of how much of a last resort prosecution actually is, we do have a statutory duty to inform you of your legal position. In my local authority we probably prosecute under 5% of cases. We have had a custodial sentence recently which I am fully in support of due to the extreme nature of the case.

But much of the time, the "threat" of legal action is a theoretical one.

It sounds like you are doing as much as you can, I would suggest you try to arrange a fairly urgent meeting between anyone you think might be helpful, plus the school and your child if he will attend, and sit down and look at what is happening. Let people visit your child at home and talk to him themselves. If he won't come out of his room let them go up to see him. Make sure that he knows the law and that these people are involved because they are concerned about him and it's deeper than just not attending school. You ideally need him to participate in some of the discussions before you can identify a way forward.

There is no magic solution and no magic definitive answer, you are welcome to PM me and I will try to respond and help further if I can.

Finally, worst case scenario but it's unlikely probably, but if you DO get taken to court, represent yourself. Magistrates are usually kind and empathic to parents in your situation as long as you can prove you have done eve tithing reasonable (attending meetings, not obstructing appointments etc). Under the standard offence, it is an absolute offence meaning that like driving without insurance, if you have committed the offence of not ensuring your child attends school then you have committed the offence and there is no defence (barring a few technicalities) so you would expect a guilty verdict in court but often the cases where parents are engaged with services and not ignoring or exacerbating the problem they are just given a conditional discharge. (Basically a guilty verdict but nothing more).

It's a very tough situation, you can only do what you can do but equally this also goes for professionals who cannot perform miracles!

Thank you for your reply. Should the EW0/not have sent with home or anything like that? Are they telling me right by saying early help will not help us with the school side of things?

There was a home visit from her and the school counsellor. He refused to come down from his room and they won't go to his room.

He does not have any learing difficulties or diagnosis of anything. Mentally and emotionally its very hard to tell. They did put counselling in place but he's refusing school so that's not happening. Camhs rejected him. I have done referrals for alternative and waiting to hear back.

I have spoken to early help on the phone and due to actually meet face to face tomorrow. They want to see me first then on another day see ds. Ds asked if he could see early help in school. I thought that meant he would go to school but no. He just wants to find out what day it will be then turn up for the meeting. School have said he cant do that.

Hes never been a lover of school but did go in ok. When covid happened he refused to do any work. Although once they sent him work home on paper he did start doing it although it was hit and miss. September just gone my daughter got covid so was of school he refused to go . He's not been since apart from a handful of times.

OP posts:
Christmas202 · 15/11/2021 17:46

If I may make a suggestion. Would you consider homeschooling as an option. We homeschool our eldest and my god it’s been wonderful for him.

Interested in this thread?

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Xmasss · 15/11/2021 18:25

@Christmas202

If I may make a suggestion. Would you consider homeschooling as an option. We homeschool our eldest and my god it’s been wonderful for him.
I doubt he would even do any work. And I don't have a good education to be able to help . I don't have money for a tutor or simlar either
OP posts:
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