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Original poster

Do you have any friends who are significantly younger than you?

103 replies

MsWalterMitty · 11/11/2021 19:04

My husband has become friends with someone who is in their early 20s. We are in our mid 40s. She has just finished uni, renting a house with a house mate, single and looking for jobs.

DH and I have 2 kids, a house and well established careers.

Just mentioning this to point out that we are at different phases of our lives.

My husband met her through a hobby, so they haven't socialised out side of this. But there's arrangements for us all to get together for drinks/dinner/days out... basically socialising.

I've not met her yet, but she seems lovely, but part of me is thinking is this wierd? Or am I being stupid?

Thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
MsWalterMitty · 12/11/2021 08:54

@Bagelsandbrie

I think my spidery senses would be tingling a bit at this. I think it’s a bit weird for an married older man to be “friends” with a younger woman. I bet he wouldn’t be so keen to be friends with 50 year old Brian from the IT department….
But he has friends like 50 ur old Brian from IT. And other climbing friends, both male and female of a similar age to him.
OP posts:
Spiceup · 12/11/2021 08:58

@Bagelsandbrie

I think my spidery senses would be tingling a bit at this. I think it’s a bit weird for an married older man to be “friends” with a younger woman. I bet he wouldn’t be so keen to be friends with 50 year old Brian from the IT department….
Surely that would depend entirely on the husband and your relationship though?

And of course a middle aged man has middle aged male friends too. That doesn't prove or disprove that his friendship with a young woman is off.

Bagelsandbrie · 12/11/2021 09:02

Hmm maybe I’m projecting- my now ex dh cheated on me and left so maybe I’m a little suspicious!

Chippymunks · 12/11/2021 09:47

In nearly, if not all the middle aged men/ new pretty young female friend cases I’ve known it’s turned into something dodgy. Often a bad case of infatuation and mentionitus on the older man’s part.
Same as when middle aged men suddenly want to start helping people, it’s not normally old Brian up there road, it’s the attractive 23 year old woman who lives around the corner.

RestingStitchFace · 12/11/2021 10:39

I have one very close friend 15 years older than me (I'm closer in age to her daughter than her) and one 11 years younger. Both have enriched my life massively.

zafferana · 12/11/2021 10:46

I think a lot of older men just enjoy the company of younger women. I have several male friends that I met through work or hobbies who are up to 20 years older. Always platonic, nothing more, always pleasant friendships, but as @TreeSmuggler says, I think an older woman being friends with a younger man would be extremely rare.

Spiceup · 12/11/2021 11:38

@Chippymunks

In nearly, if not all the middle aged men/ new pretty young female friend cases I’ve known it’s turned into something dodgy. Often a bad case of infatuation and mentionitus on the older man’s part. Same as when middle aged men suddenly want to start helping people, it’s not normally old Brian up there road, it’s the attractive 23 year old woman who lives around the corner.
I don't think this is true, particularly the help aspect my DH, father and uncle plus a number of middle aged men friends are very "he'd do anything for anyone" types, often helping out elderly neighbours. I think there are lots of them about. It's just more notable when they start helping a younger woman.
WhatDidISayAlan · 12/11/2021 11:40

I'm 49. I have friends from late 20s and one of my best friends is 80 next year - she was my old boss and she's awesome. I think it's healthy to have a range of friends of different ages and backgrounds; it gives you a different diverse outlook on life.

Guacamole001 · 12/11/2021 11:44

Ten years or 15 years younger is good but not too much older than me.

CherryBlossomAutumn · 12/11/2021 11:49

Honestly? I’d say it’s one to watch. Sorry just had way too much life experience and older men just get a bit… silly… around young women who pay them attention.

I’ve got friends of all ages, but if I was married with kids, and a man 20 years younger was interested in me as a friend then I’d be

  • flattered
  • lap up the attention
  • start by thinking of the days when I didn’t have kids, and ‘responsibilities’

So when I say watch him, I don’t mean he’s going to leap into an affair. But I think do he could become a bit annoying as days out socializing etc will all be centred around an early 20 something lifestyle. Are they going to have out at the local play centre with you? Want to be back by 10pm for the babysitter? Unlikely…

Chippymunks · 12/11/2021 11:53

Spiceup I understand what you are saying, I was thinking of two friend’s husbands (age 45/50) who both seemed to get an overwhelming urge to help women in their early/mid 20’s where as previously they weren’t particularly helpers or I’ll do anything for anyone types.

SenecaFallsRedux · 12/11/2021 11:55

DH and I both have a few friends who are 20 years or so younger than we are. These friendships were formed through work and mutual interests. We are oldies, though, so these younger friends are middle-aged. I think the age differences smooth out as you get older.

DustyMaiden · 12/11/2021 11:56

I have friends through a hobby ranging from 28 to 90, I’m 59.

Pippi1970 · 12/11/2021 11:56

I'm 55 and one of my closest friends is 89.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/11/2021 11:57

The hobby is tye key here because it's a leveller.

I started volunteering at 24.one of the women I'm still close to is 26 years older than me. She's single, never had kids, I was single, now married with 3. We recently stayed with her for holiday and if I drove we'd see her more often.
I was also close to a man of a similar age who had grown kids.
One of the people I'm closest to is 11 years older than me, he's a childless bachelor and I was married within a few years of meeting him.
I also get on well with the younger volunteers (I'm not late 30s)and sit and have a laugh with the 20 something lads with gfs but not kids.

Because our shared passion for what we do, and there's always overlap in shows, books, music etc.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/11/2021 12:11

@TreeSmuggler

Which is why you would never read a thread on this happening the other way around. A young man would never meet a 40/50s age women at a hobby and "become friends" with her to the level of casually texting and hanging out outside the hobby.
Nonsense.

My female friend at hobby is 26 years older than me, our mutual male friend is 11, years old so 15 years younger than her. They spend time together just the two of them and with another woman aged similarly to my female friend.

People just have less need to analyse and project and find something wrong in the man's actions so it's discussed less

TreeSmuggler · 12/11/2021 12:39

OK well fair enough, I shouldn't have said never, obviously it can happen. Would you agree that it is much much less common though? That's certainly what I've noticed.

Also I don't think theres anything wrong with the man's actions here, or any man being friends with a young women, or helping her out. Just slightly cringey and transparent... such a coincidence that the women is always young and attractive, and they have the same taste in music as well!

SleepingStandingUp · 12/11/2021 13:11

What is the obsession with taste in music? A few posters have said that but op siad she doesn't think they do.

I just think it's discussed less, but then I don't subscribe to the men are only friends with women they want to fuck theory

TrollsAreSaddos · 12/11/2021 14:07

I have a hobby where people are vastly different ages and have vastly different backgrounds - I love it. I've had times when I've spent the afternoon with a group of guys in their mid twenties where I'm female and in my fifties and it hasn't been weird or odd. Happens all the time and it's brilliant.

Spiceup · 12/11/2021 15:51

I am often in the pub with men 20 years younger than me as a result of our hobby and/or mutual interest in football. Has to be said not 121 though and they wouldn't take me to meet their wives. Not because their wives would care but because none of us are interested in that kind of relationship. We're "mates", not aiming for the intimacy of life long friends.

Spiceup · 12/11/2021 15:53

@TrollsAreSaddos

I have a hobby where people are vastly different ages and have vastly different backgrounds - I love it. I've had times when I've spent the afternoon with a group of guys in their mid twenties where I'm female and in my fifties and it hasn't been weird or odd. Happens all the time and it's brilliant.
I think this is key though. As a group. I do that a lot too and agree it's fab but I don't think any of them would want to come and meet DH or my kids!
BurbageBrook · 12/11/2021 16:44

Surprised at the responses. No way would I be being the ‘cool wife’ about my DH striking up a friendship with a 20 something 20 years younger. In a group situation, fine, but if he’s talking about her or texting/messaging/making plans to meet one to one, it sounds like he has a crush.

EileenGC · 12/11/2021 16:56

I'm early 20s and one of my closest friends is approaching 60. We first met when I was in primary school and she was a bit of a mentoring figure throughout my teenage years. The relationship has developed into an amazing friendship and we don't notice the age gap as such.

That said, we are friends both in a big group and as a couple, we don't exclusively spend time together away from other people.

JustDanceAddict · 12/11/2021 17:06

My good friends are generally within 10ish years either way although I have got on very well with past colleagues 20 years my junior/senior.
I do find it depends on outlook rather than age a lot of the time. I did get on v well with an old workmate who is nearly 20 years older than me and we went out for a meal a couple of times with another lady who was about 12 years younger than me! Think late 20s, 40 and 60!! The younger lady was quite ‘old’ in her ways and the older one, young at heart.

StillWalking · 12/11/2021 17:08

I'm 67 and the majority of my friends are women in their late 40's and early 50's - plus a few younger than that. I love it that they treat me like a contemporary even though I'm retried and they are mostly still working, running businesses or building careers, have kids of school age etc ...

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