Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Do you have any friends who are significantly younger than you?

103 replies

MsWalterMitty · 11/11/2021 19:04

My husband has become friends with someone who is in their early 20s. We are in our mid 40s. She has just finished uni, renting a house with a house mate, single and looking for jobs.

DH and I have 2 kids, a house and well established careers.

Just mentioning this to point out that we are at different phases of our lives.

My husband met her through a hobby, so they haven't socialised out side of this. But there's arrangements for us all to get together for drinks/dinner/days out... basically socialising.

I've not met her yet, but she seems lovely, but part of me is thinking is this wierd? Or am I being stupid?

Thanks!

OP posts:
AngryApple · 12/11/2021 04:53

The hobby I do I have friends from 20 right up in to their 70s. I’m 43. It’s a non issue and it’s never even crossed my mind! It’s always been that way.

MeadowHay · 12/11/2021 04:58

I'm in my late 20s and so far I AM the 'significantly younger' friend because of my age. Admittedly pretty much all my older friends are women though, there's only one bloke I can think of and over time I have also become good friends with his wife too so we are now more like couple friends as DH has also since become mates with him too. I guess the other difference is that all these older friends of mine have similar aged kids to mine so despite the age gap we have similar lifestyles/similar 'stage' of life as you've put it. Also occasionally socialise with people from work that I get on well with who are much older than me too, both men and women. Ultimately I think it is normal for adults to have friends with big age differences because adulthood spans a very large timeframe and people who are 60 were 25 once after all. I recently went out to socialise with a few work colleagues who were all 60 and over, so I was the youngest by over 30 years Grin

felulageller · 12/11/2021 05:26

There's a world of a difference between same sex age gap friendships and a middle aged straight man chasing after the attention of a bit of meat half his age.

Ughmaybenot · 12/11/2021 05:51

I have a very mixed friendship group, we met through work. Youngest is 23, oldest is 57 (I’m lower end of the group at 27). There’s the added element of the rest being men as well I suppose. We just get on well, laugh constantly when we’re all together and, though I left that particular workplace two years ago, we still socialise regularly.
I think it can probably seem weird sometimes but you meet people through work or w hobby and they’re ‘just’ people, and you get on with them (or otherwise of course!)!regardless of age.

fluffythedragonslayer · 12/11/2021 06:32

My best friend is 16 years older than me! We've been friends since she was in her 40s and I was early 20s. I also have a couple of young teacher friends who I met when i was the aging TA in their year group 😂 we are very close and still socialise a lot (I no longer work with them). They are both 15+ years younger than me.

PaperMonster · 12/11/2021 07:04

I’m 52 and I have friends much younger and much older than me! When I was early 20s I had a friend who was 65, lost touch when I moved and I often wonder about her!

MoreAloneTime · 12/11/2021 07:45

While I do now have friends of a variety of ages I kind of agree that this is an unusual one given the difference in life stages. Maybe it will work regardless, maybe not and they'll stick to meeting at the hobby. At that age I tended to find people with families didn't have a lot of time for friends so didn't naturally gravitate towards them.

MatildaIThink · 12/11/2021 07:50

I have a very good friend who is 16 years younger than me, I am late thirties, she was a graduate coming into work and we just got on great. My husband has a great friend who is 20+ years older than him, they both love live music and have known each other for years. I do also find that apart from a few exceptions a lot of it does tend to fall into life position which often correlates with age, kids, different expectations from socialising etc.

XiCi · 12/11/2021 07:54

@immersivereader

I bet she's good looking

And, they'll have the same taste in music

Grin So true
Marygoround22 · 12/11/2021 07:59

Depends what you mean by 'friends'. I have people I get on with who are significantly younger (and older). My closest friend is about ten years older (and a male but I'm a lesbian, if that's worth mentioning). My closest female friend is 3 years younger.

I have a lot of 'friends' but not close ones who are up to ten years younger, and regularly socialise with people significantly older, one guy I regularly go for a drink with is in his 70s (I'm 40).

Marygoround22 · 12/11/2021 08:00

I do find taht a lot of young people find it 'cool' to have older friends of either gender actually.

MintyGreenDream · 12/11/2021 08:00

I have friends 10 years older and 10 years younger than me but my oldest friends are 20 years older.

WeatherwaxOn · 12/11/2021 08:05

I went to uni as a mature student and then got pregnant. Pre-uni I had friends (met through DH's place of work where I would sometimes volunteer) who were 10-15 years younger.
Through the dance class I used to attend, I made friends who were 20-25 years older.
At uni I met and made friends with people 25 years younger.
I don't think it's that unusual when you have shared interests.
I enjoy the range of knowledge, background, life experience, and different personalities that all these people bring.

Eightandahalfyears · 12/11/2021 08:07

I’m 40, I have a friend who is 21. Met through a hobby. We tend to do coffee dates and such.

Spiceup · 12/11/2021 08:14

Through a hobby I have friends of all ages and backgrounds. It's brilliant because the rest of my life basically involves people exactly like me.

The much you get woman is a bit of a cliche though, although good that he wants you all to meet.

Spiceup · 12/11/2021 08:16

*much younger woman....

Original poster
MsWalterMitty · 12/11/2021 08:17

@immersivereader

I bet she's good looking

And, they'll have the same taste in music

She is very pretty. I doubt they have the same taste in music though due to the age gap.
OP posts:
Original poster
MsWalterMitty · 12/11/2021 08:19

@TreeSmuggler

I have friends of different ages, when you meet people at work or at a hobby I think it's normal.

Having said that, I've noticed that at these hobbies, the men aged 30-50 do usually "just happen" to become friends with the attractive women in her 20s. Now I don't think they are cheating, or wanting to, or even thinking of it, but obviously part of the fun of being friends is looking at a young attractive women. So I do slightly cringe at this.

This is interesting
OP posts:
Original poster
MsWalterMitty · 12/11/2021 08:20

@felulageller

There's a world of a difference between same sex age gap friendships and a middle aged straight man chasing after the attention of a bit of meat half his age.
Do you think that’s what he’s doing?
OP posts:
Spiceup · 12/11/2021 08:21

Actually, thinking about it in my hobby group (it's running or cycling, isn't it?) whilst it's certainly true that we are all friends with people of different ages, it would be unusual to single out any one person as a special friend. Socialising tends to be done as a group. So yes, I will go out with a younger friend, but it wouldn't just be me and him.

catfunk · 12/11/2021 08:23

I work with a lot of young people (early 20s)

....Some of them are quite immature still and I'd have nothing to talk to them about. They feel like silly kids to me.

Some of them are absolutely great company and I don't notice the age difference and happily socialise with them outside of work.

It's down to the individual.

Original poster
MsWalterMitty · 12/11/2021 08:23

@Spiceup

Actually, thinking about it in my hobby group (it's running or cycling, isn't it?) whilst it's certainly true that we are all friends with people of different ages, it would be unusual to single out any one person as a special friend. Socialising tends to be done as a group. So yes, I will go out with a younger friend, but it wouldn't just be me and him.
It’s climbing, so although you can meet in a group, people often just pair themselves up to climb. My dh is at a similar level to this younger woman, which is why they started pairing up in the first place
OP posts:
Spiceup · 12/11/2021 08:25

Actually them that seems fine to me. It's a natural pairing and he's bringing it into the open and having her meet his wife early on. That's good.

AnkleDeep · 12/11/2021 08:32

I have friends in their 20s and 30s - I'm 70. We meet through a shared hobby but some have become friends. I used to have friends a lot older than me when I was younger.

It's having things in common that matters.

Bagelsandbrie · 12/11/2021 08:35

I think my spidery senses would be tingling a bit at this. I think it’s a bit weird for an married older man to be “friends” with a younger woman. I bet he wouldn’t be so keen to be friends with 50 year old Brian from the IT department….