Looking for a shoulder to cry on re childcare

[NightBus]

Just a rant really but if anyone has any advice or solidarity I'd love to hear it!!

Basically we are in a childcare nightmare! My son is 17mo and has so far never been looked after by anyone else but me and DH.

When I was pregnant and we got to the 2nd trimester the pandemic hit, and so DH and I never had all the normal conversations about childcare etc and what things would be like. Instead we spend that time staying at home and trying not to get Covid, and me attending hospital appts by myself. We sort of forgot to look ahead and very much focussed on having the baby safely. We didn't know much about Covid back then so it felt pretty scary. Once the baby was born we were still in lockdown and nothing was open so we just hunkered down.

None of the local nurseries would allow visits for months on end and I didn't want to send my son to one without viewing it. In addition, my self employed work involving close contact with people dried up anyway so I ended up staying at home and looking after son full time. I have been feeling increasingly lonely, tired and overwhelmed by the physical work and drudgery of caring for a 16mo all day everyday. (DH finishes work after bath time).

Fast forward to now (son is 17mo) and I am so ready for childcare - have been for ages - but nothing is available!! If I got part-time childcare I could start to build up my clients again and also get some valued time for myself (desperately needed). The local nurseries all got booked up until 2022. There are a handful of spaces at another one which I was able to look at but it was really poor and I felt appalled by seeing it to be honest. We checked our all the local childminders and they were either full or very poor (think numerous red flags and definitely not suitable for a young one).

In desperation we looked into nannies but they are so expensive! (London) nevertheless we thought we would try to get one for 2 days per week, but the agency CV's are all really weak - people with very limited experience. I feel like I am sounding picky but if I'm paying £150 a day for a nanny then I'd like someone with more than two years experience.

We had a potential really good nanny lined up for an interview tonight but she has just cancelled as she found another job!

I'm tearing my hair out and don't know where else to turn. We have no family. My husband and I really need this to support my mental health and our marriage which has been pressured, unsurprisingly. I think it would also be good for our child.

What else can I do?!!

Perhaps I should look farther afield? How far would you be willing to travel (by bus or tube) to get childcare?

We found a really good nursery which will accept him aged 2 onwards but that's another 6 months away!

I understand not using nurseries and childminders you don’t feel confident in but why don’t you interview some of the nannies - I don’t think having less than two years experience is a problem - they might be amazing with children.

Hi, totally feel you on all of this! My boy is 14mo so have been through similar and found it really difficult to find a good nursery. He goes to one 3 days per week but hasn't settled very easily and I try and pick him up early so he isn't there for too long.

Because he had never been looked after by anyone before, ahead of nursery I got a babysitter in a couple of mornings a week. I found her on childcare.co.uk. I placed an add and got loads of replies, I wasn't so bothered about qualifications or anything as it was short term but the lady we got is a mum herself and has a very calming presence so we thought she was perfect for the job. She now does occasional babysitting in the evenings for us.
I also know friends who have found a full time nanny on childcare.co.uk and it's much cheaper than going through and agency.
Perhaps you could get someone part time till LO is 2 and have him registered with the nursery.

Look into husband compressing his hours into 4 days or reducing down to 4/3 days a week.

What time of business do you have? Do you need work weekdays or could you work Saturdays or evenings? Can you husband reduce his days so you could work 2-3days?

Not at all possible with husband's work sadly. He works in a high pressure job long hours. I don't technically need to work at all. But my mental health is suffering with being full time stay at home parent to a toddler. I don't know how others do it. I love him dearly of course. But I'm overwhelmed and lonely.

Not at all possible with husband's work sadly. He works in a high pressure job long hours.

So this was never going to be his problem, always yours

Call round all the nurseries you'd be happy with and explain that you'll take any place that comes up, whatever hours. They have kids dropping out because they move house etc from time to time.

Get yourself on the waiting list for ones you want to send him to next year. Don't put all your eggs in one basket, there are various criteria for inclusion like kids with SEN come first so being on a list doesn't guarantee you a place.

In the meantime you have no real option other than to suck it up and stay sahm or go with a less good childcare option. I think you're being too harsh about nannies with less than two years' experience, everyone has to start somewhere and you're not really in a position to be picky.

I would be tempted to take the place for when he's 2. 6 months is not that long really, and you might be looking for all that time for something else you like. I'd there nmuch of a deposit to pay to guarantee the place?

OK, so you have a potential escape-route in 6 months and you don't need the money right now.

I would look into getting some mother's help to give you a break or a babysitter; just a few hours off twice a week can make one hell of a difference to your mental health. Are you able to take your little one to toddler classes, now? Just chatting to other mums at the local church stay & play helped me so much.

People are stealing nannies, butlers and cleaners as they are in such short supply

I’m a mum of grown up children and have just completed level 2 child care qualifications. I want to babysit and do emergency care. I am building up experience. Fortunately people are not concerned about 2 years prior experience

I think you shouldn’t jyst wipe out a whole section of applicants

Thanks for these ideas. I'm not sure what the comment about my husbands work meant. He is the higher earner so obviously it was going to be me staying at home.

Can I ask what is a mother's help? What would they do that's different to nanny and would this be for a few hours or longer?

"Booked up until 2022" is only a few months away. Surely it is worth putting his name down on the waiting list for a few places and something might come up sooner than you think.

I also agree with going out and taking him to toddler groups, stay and play sessions, church playgroups that sort of things. Or if you have the funds, sign up for some paid classes like toddler music, baby gym, swimming lessons etc. Go out and meet some people, it might help you feel less lonely.

I would put name down on waiting lists.

Things change all the time.

Due to age dc won't go into baby room but children move up all the time .so leave a space.

2022 is about 7 weeks away

I'd put his name down for the nursery you liked that will take him at 2. Then at least you know you have a place and can plan for that.

I would also put your name on waitlists for any other nurseries you liked incase a spot comes up any earlier.

Then in the meantime use childcare like a babysitter (sitters?) or crèche at the gym to get some child free time in the week and make sure your husband takes his son for a whole day at weekends so you can have a break.

Thanks. At the moment husband takes him for a whole morning on saturdays up until after his nap and then I do the afternoon, otherwise husband doesn't get any down time for himself either? We do a family day together on Sunday's.

I do feel like I'm living for Saturday mornings sometimes though!

2022 is only a few weeks away. Put your sons name down for every nursery and ask them to put you on a cancellation list. Good luck.

Sorry I should have written "mid-2022". No places until at least June last time I checked. But we do have the one we really like and he turns 2 in June anyway, iyswim.

You've got less than 2 years child care experience...and you're looking after your DS.

Do you have a childcare qualification or a first aid qualification?

I'd have a rethink about what you're looking for in a nanny tbh.

Put his name down for a nursery place too.

Try the local further education colleges, if they do childcare courses they might have students who finished last year who are looking for work. Yes they aren't as experienced but you will be paying them around £10 per hour and can get them to work with your child how you want, established nannies do it their way!

That’s not too far away. Ring them again and ask them to keep you in mind if anyone leaves. Good luck.

It's such a pity, that you are overwhelmed,tired and lonely, and quote the words physical hard work, and drudgery, when referring looking after a lovely small child. The mind boggles.

I would reserve your place on the waiting list with the one you were happy with, and then possibly see if you can arrange something short term with a nanny until then, interview some to get a feel for the right person, often nannies are younger and change roles later on so it's hard to find one with loads of experience, but a years experience can still be valuable. It's a lesson for the future if you plan to have more, I booked my second and third child into nursery before they were born!! Because once you find one you really trust it makes sense.

@1forAll74

It's such a pity, that you are overwhelmed,tired and lonely, and quote the words physical hard work, and drudgery, when referring looking after a lovely small child. The mind boggles.

Oh bore off.

OP I have a similar age child and kind of fell into SAHMing through some similar factors and some of our own. It really can be tough sometimes, definitely get out to groups and things where you can. We found a childminder who only had availability on one day a week, we decided to go for it and I do a bit of freelance work those days, but there are spaces opening up next year so we will be able to increase it. She’s incredible though, it’s a shame you can’t find someone you’re happy with. I’d look into the nannies again and not worry so much about the experience.

You could also look at something like sitters - I did some work for them at one stage and they only take people who have previous childcare experience (I’m an Early Years teacher). Wouldn’t be a long term solution but you might find someone you click with and be able to get a regular few hours babysitting?

Don't despair. A place will come up. Just put his name on the waiting lists and sit tight.

In the meantime, advertise for a temporary nanny on somewhere like childcare.co.uk. They don't need to be the best nanny in the world, especially if only pt...competent and warm towards your DS is just fine. If you're wfh, you can keep an eye on things.