Are you expecting? Ruined my day

[DyingForACuppa]

Never really lost the weight after my last child and in fact slowly increased over a couple of years til I was borderline obese. Realised I had to do something about it and have lost 1/3 of my body weight in the last year, am back to the top end of normal weight for my height, have so much more energy and thought I looked great.

Tonight someone (who admittedly didn't know me before the weight loss) asked if I was expecting. I feel crushed.

I'd actually love to be pregnant, but husband doesn't want anymore, so that hurts.

I feel so slim compared with how I was, it's shocking that to others I still look big enough to be pregnant. I was going to stop losing weight soon but now I'm feeling I still have a way to go.

Posting here as I have no one in real life to give me sympathy!

I've had this happen, but I'm just quite philosophical that's what my shape is - and was a bit even before I had kids, so it's a bit easier for me than for you as obviously with your history I can see it would feel painful.

It's not necessarily about looking 'big' - I'm fairly slim but I've always had a tummy (and small boobs) and post kids, if I wear certain dresses or tops thar are gathered under the bust I do look pregnant, so I've stopped wearing that shape or people will ask.,

People are such dicks! There are so many reasons not to assume a woman is pregnant and ask her about it!

Well done for losing all that weight! That’s an amazing achievement.

I do have a bit of a tummy/pot belly thing going on, but I thought it was small enough it clearly wasn't a child in there! Ugh.

Met a friend who is Doctor at the swimming pool. She said Congratulations! Me: What? Her What?
Felt so bad I didn’t do any swimmimg, just hid under the water.

Bastards!

A shop assistant said to me in the changing rooms 'when are you due?'. The actual answer was 'about 9 months ago' but I wasn't quick enough to say it.

It happened to me and we were both mortified. My daughter was 14 months old at the time.

I've also been in a meeting where someone said it to another delegate. O nastiness or malice just a horrible mistake

It’s a totally inappropriate question. I hope you gave it to them both barrels. Awful thing to ask.

Well done on your amazing weight loss. You should be really proud of losing so much. Don’t let this knock you off target.

What is wrong with people who come out with remarks like this?! Why don't they think before opening their mouths? Sorry OP that she ruined your day,but congratulations on your fantastic weight loss.
I think this sort of comment is on a par with mistaking a child's mum for their grandmother. My late DM had this a few of times. She was the the grand old age of 36 when I was born (I was her third) and I can still remember how upset she was when I was around 7 or 8 and she was 43/44 and was mistaken for my grandmother by some unthinking arsehole person. People can be horrible.

Congratulations on that fantastic amount of weight loss - that's truly an amazing feat. Well done you.

Please try your hardest to just believe that this person is an utter dick. With a mouth they cannot control. That's all.

Do not let this fool change your feeling fabulous. They can't take your power away, and they matter not a whit. Just replay to before they said this stupid thing - and go back to THAT feeling.

‘Yes, expecting an apology from you. Due in about 2 minutes when you realise what a twat you are’

Op, has happened to me. I’m slim but have IBD so often look ‘round’ in the stomach due to inflammation. I suppose because I’m slim everywhere else, having a slight mum belly on top of IBD does make me look pregnant. I get more embarrassed for the other person than myself.

I bet you look great OP. Try not to let it bother you.

Don't worry about it OP. I've always been bigger and a new colleague (an older man) kindly asked me when I was due. I am 100% certain that he did not mean any harm, and was just trying to make small talk (yes, questionable choice of subject). I laughed it off and said, "oh no, I'm just a bit fat!". He was mortified and apologised.

I know you must be feeling bad, especially given your weight loss efforts (well done!) and your feelings about wanting another child. They are human, and I guess you just have to chalk it up to that. Try not to dwell on one person's random comment.

Ugh I've had this - I'm a teacher and pupils are forever asking because I have what I call a permanent bum bag for a tummy after 2 kids.

My friend got refused to go on rides at Disneyland because pregnant women weren't allowed. She wasn't pregnant.

Poor you OP! It's so shit and patriarchy means that people can just comment freely on women's appearances. It sucks, and I pull people on it because frankly it's bad manners.

Even if someone is clearly bursting at nine months pregnant I NEVER ask. I say "you look well!" And wait for them to tell me

Really sorry. Just don’t understand why anyone would say something so personal to anyone.
Please try not to let it get you down. Some people are just knobs.

I’m firmly of the belief that unless you’re a midwife and can see the baby crowning you should never assume someone is pregnant!!

I’ve had it twice, mainly when wearing (what I thought were..) fabulous jumpsuits! In fairness I always assumed they would not be a flattering item to wear, but I have some strange reverse body dysmorphia where I look in the mirror and think I look great when clearly I don’t . I told my DP about it the first time it happened, then he was with me when a women said “oh I remember being pregnant in this heat, it’s awful” and he looked at me like “oh, that was another one wasn’t it?” I looked a bit confused at the comment and the woman went red and turned around as she clearly realised what she’d done!

Try not to take it to heart. It seems sadly quite common.

This happened to me. I've put on a ton of weight since developing thyroid disease about 5 years ago. I have purchased as a result a fat girl swimsuit with a sort of skirt bit over the swimsuit. I really like it; it's very faltering, emphasises my boobs and de-emphasises my fat tum.

I was sitting in a jacuzzi in it with my husband and talking to a lady I'd never met before.

She said something about "when the baby arrives" and I looked confused (because I was) and asked her what she meant? Undeterred she pressed on "you know when the baby is born". I laughed and said "oh no, I'm not pregnant I'm just fat, I've put on a lot of weight since being poorly". I think she was mortified but dug herself into a further hole by then proceeding to tell me off for wearing a swimming costume designed for pregnant women!!! I had no words for that tbh but thought the whole thing was hilarious!

I know I'm fat, I expect that others will notice and was quite pleased that she thought I was young enough to be pregnant as I'm 48! So swings and roundabouts.

Try not to be downhearted. People always make ill judged comments. I often say things without thinking and then have to take my foot out of my mouth. You know how well you've done to lose the weight so far, don't let a comment from a random put you off or stop you feeling proud of what you've achieved.

If it helps - people only ask this when you're slim and they can reasonably presume any hint of a tummy is a baby.

When you're actually quite fat like me even when you're like 9 months pregnant people will not pass comment or ask when you're due just in case!

I'm sort of glad others have had this happen.
I've carried my shame like a dirty secret for years, having been asked a few times when I'm due.

It really takes the shine off my day, I can tell you.

I know I'm fat, I expect that others will notice and was quite pleased that she thought I was young enough to be pregnant as I'm 48! So swings and roundabouts.. Yes as someone in her late 40s I try and see the compliment in there too!

I get it a lot. It’s so tricky because they all mean well and obviously expect a nice easy chat about babies! If it’s a stranger on the bus I sometimes just say yes and change the subject but I’ve avoided groups sometimes because I don’t want the embarrassment.
I really do have a tummy compared to the rest of me so I can’t really blame anyone (but myself and love of bread)

I don't know why people still ask, it's so insensitive. You'd have to be in active labour for me to feel comfortable asking this question 😂

I had a small bump at 22 weeks pregnant and people were asking me when’s it due, which I found remarkable since it wasn’t an obvious bump and they didn’t follow the rule which is you NEVER ask someone you don’t know “when’s it due” as you cannot be sure they’re pregnant and it may be an offensive question. People are dicks

Well done on your weight loss. Don't let this twat get to you.

I've never understood why people think it is OK to comment like this. It is hugely insensitive. Some of them must live with one foot permanently in their mouths.

My parents never told me about my cousin’s pregnancy. I saw her when she was 8 months and so obviously pregnant. Even then I didn’t say anything until she’d said something to confirm it, as I know some medical conditions can cause a stomach like that. She did find it funny when I eventually said something about it joking that I must have thought she was fat. So sometimes you can’t win but in your incident I don’t know why people come out like that.

I’ve been getting it a lot recently. Since menopause all my weight went on my middle and won’t shift. And because I have a toddler in tow people naturally assume you’re up for having another. I always answer cheerfully ‘oh no, I’m just fat’ & if that doesn’t sufficiently shame them I go into my menopause; ovaries surgically removed so I can’t have another one anyway; I can keep going for hours, right back to my hereditary breast cancer, IVF etc. Serves them right. I am also firmly of the belief that unless you can can actually see a baby’s head crowning you should never ever ask if a woman is pregnant.

Anyway all that cheers me right up OP. You’ve done a fabulous job losing weight please don’t get downhearted.