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Original poster

Are you expecting? Ruined my day

46 replies

DyingForACuppa · 08/11/2021 20:10

Never really lost the weight after my last child and in fact slowly increased over a couple of years til I was borderline obese. Realised I had to do something about it and have lost 1/3 of my body weight in the last year, am back to the top end of normal weight for my height, have so much more energy and thought I looked great.

Tonight someone (who admittedly didn't know me before the weight loss) asked if I was expecting. I feel crushed.

I'd actually love to be pregnant, but husband doesn't want anymore, so that hurts.

I feel so slim compared with how I was, it's shocking that to others I still look big enough to be pregnant. I was going to stop losing weight soon but now I'm feeling I still have a way to go.

Posting here as I have no one in real life to give me sympathy!

OP posts:

WTF475878237NC · 09/11/2021 06:10

Congratulations on your weight loss so far. It is annoying when your shape means it doesn't reflect all the hard work!

TasteTheMeatNotTheHeat · 09/11/2021 06:15

I piled on the weight in my first pregnancy, and then got pregnant again very quickly and unexpectedly. So I never had the chance to lose anything. I have now lost all of that weight and I look and feel better than I have in years! However, I found that my belly is a bit saggy. It's a combination of loose skin and slack abdominal muscles, I suppose. Back to back pregnancies can be tough on your middle.

When I was big I didn't notice it, because I was big everywhere. Now I'm slim, it is more obvious and I have to dress quite carefully or else I get the dreaded "are you pregnant again already?!" comments.

People should just mind their own fucking business. It's so rude and I wouldn't dream of saying it to anyone else.

DukeofEarlGrey · 09/11/2021 07:07

I also think people are obsessed with women being baby makers and will ask this kind of thing at any opportunity. Lots of posts on here from frustrated women who have only just had their first (sometimes planned only) being harangued about when the next one is coming. Newly married women constantly asked about when they will start a family.

Well done on your weight loss OP. Ignore this and focus on your health and achievement! FWIW I am in the same starting point post lockdowns (BMI 27) and would love to have lost 1/3 of my weight and be back at a healthy BMI.

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SixQuidGames · 09/11/2021 07:32

I’ve been asked before and it’s so rude.

One woman on a train even doubled down on her mistake after I told her I wasn’t pregnant and kept telling me it was my coat and flat shoes that made her think it and was I sure I didn’t want a seat. It was so embarrassing, especially as she said it all in a loud voice and everyone heard.

CharityDingle · 09/11/2021 07:48

Well done on the weight loss. Focus on what you have achieved. You're brilliant!!

Some people have no manners. I carry weight on my stomach area, and the only reason people haven't asked is because I'm obviously too old to be pregnant.
Well that and the fact that it's goddam rude!

Calamityhuman · 09/11/2021 07:52

I’ve had this before - once when I was buying size 4 nappies after having DC1 (so not buying for a newborn ) and once when I had just had a miscarriage and was probably a bit bloated. I’m fat everywhere now which is even worse but no one has asked me! I was really upset the second time as obviously wanted to be pregnant. It’s a shit thing to say to someone.

CharityDingle · 09/11/2021 07:52

@SixQuidGames

I’ve been asked before and it’s so rude.

I remember a colleague telling a story of her doing that to someone that she met on a day out. She kept almost insisting that the other woman was pregnant.

'Oh well then it must be the top you are wearing'. FFS.

It's bloody rude. I would never ever ever mention pregnancy / a bump unless the woman had told me first.

DukeofEarlGrey · 09/11/2021 07:53

@SixQuidGames

I’ve been asked before and it’s so rude.

Wow, double sexism: no high heels, must be preggars. FFS.

Pleasenomoreglitter · 09/11/2021 07:57

I make it a policy never to ask a woman this, even if I'm really convinced they are. I've read too many posts like this where women have been asked when they're not and how upsetting it can be. Sorry you were made to feel this way, it sounds like you've done brilliantly with your weight loss.

lentilsandeggs · 09/11/2021 08:03

Congrats on your weight loss! You are doing great.
There was another post recently - very sad, where a woman had been subject to an off-the-cuff and cruel remark from a shop assistant about her weight. She allowed that remark to completely derail her weightloss efforts and ended up bigger than before and very unhappy.
Please don’t let that be you. Keep doing what you’re doing and don’t let one rude comment bother you.

olympicsrock · 09/11/2021 08:10

Oh god it’s happened to me lots of times. I just have a round lower abdomen. The first time was pre children sized 12. Then 9 months after my first children was born . Many times since. I now reply cheerfully- not pregnant just fat! That usually puts them on the back foot and they apologise. Now at 43 I’m just pleased I look young enough to be pregnant

hennybeans · 09/11/2021 08:29

I've had this before. I was in tk maxx looking at 12-18m clothes for Ds and a woman asked when I was due and if I knew what I was having. She said she was pregnant, a girl, glad to be having a summer baby, and on and on. I just didn't know what to say.

I think like with many/ most comments that other people make about you, it says more about their state of mind than you. The lady who thought I was pregnant was obviously in a "pregnant state of mind", looking for baby clothes and just assumed I was the same. Maybe the lady you spoke to was trying to get pregnant, just had a friend announce a pregnancy, or just really nosy and enjoys having a bit of gossip. Some people talk without thinking and it reflects what in their heads more than reality.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 09/11/2021 08:36

I had this happen to me back in my skinny days. I was barely a size 8! I have a habit of slouching that makes me look like I have a bump in certain outfits. The guy was mortified.

I now only ask if someone is pregnant if I can actually see a head popping out.

quitecrunchy · 09/11/2021 08:43

Well done on your weight loss OP! Don't let it get you down. I agree with the PP that said this never happens when you're fat all over!

Bloatstoat · 09/11/2021 08:49

I'm so sorry OP, it's happened to me a few times and it just makes me want to curl up and cry. As everyone has said, it's a really insensitive question to ask anyone, and can really hurt.

Really well done on your weight loss though, it's an amazing loss and don't lose confidence because of someone's thoughtlessness.

Roselilly36 · 09/11/2021 08:54

No way would I dream of making a comment unless I was absolutely certain. This happen to a friend of mine many years ago, a dad at the school gate said to her about her “condition” how his wife was the same, she didn’t say anything, but she was so upset when she got home.

Charm23 · 09/11/2021 09:12

I'm sorry this happened, it really can make you feel awful. I have had this happen to me a few years ago by an estate agent and I was so shocked and upset I just said 'no' and walked away.
I'm actually pregnant now and still find it a bit awkward when people make comments on the size of my bump as for me it's just not a topic of conversation I would opt into let alone with a person I don't know.

Original poster

DyingForACuppa · 09/11/2021 12:30

Thank you for sharing all the similar stories, I feel oddly comforted that this is so common. We clearly need a poster campaign that some women just put on weight on their bellies!

I am also amused by some of the good comebacks, but all I managed at the time was a muttered 'er, no'.

OP posts:

Blurp · 09/11/2021 12:36

If I'm asked "Are you pregnant?" I reply with "No, just fat, apparently". I'm not especially fat, just have a big tummy, but it puts them off asking again.

HopingForOurRainbowBaby · 09/11/2021 12:45

@Calamityhuman

I’ve had this before - once when I was buying size 4 nappies after having DC1 (so not buying for a newborn

) and once when I had just had a miscarriage and was probably a bit bloated. I’m fat everywhere now which is even worse but no one has asked me! I was really upset the second time as obviously wanted to be pregnant. It’s a shit thing to say to someone.

I had this too after my 4th miscarriage. I'd bloated massively even before I'd tested positive so at 9 weeks I looked much further on. It was definitely one of those awkward moments of well sadly I'm not anymore whilst trying not to burst into tears

peaceanddove · 09/11/2021 14:28

I used to get asked this a lot. I was a normal size 12 everywhere except my stomach which was a size 14/16 thanks to 2 botched c-sections.

Finally had enough of it last Xmas when someone remarked on my 'maternity' dress! Needless to say it went straight in the charity bag when I got home. But I also booked a consultation with a plastic surgeon who specialised in tummy tucks. He explained how the registrar hadn't really bothered to do any muscle repair after my c-sections causing my constant swollen abdomen. I had the surgery in May and the results are absolutely fantastic - flat, taut abdomen and a more sculpted waist. I wish I'd had it done 15 years ago

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