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Original poster

If you were me, would you go to this Christmas meal?

37 replies

Donatella · 08/11/2021 06:26

At work, I work as part of a smaller team within the larger department. Larger department has booked a big Christmas party (all self funded - Public sector) and I have paid for my place. I'm really looking forward to it, sounds like a fun night.

Not many of my smaller team are going, so our team leader thought that it would be nice to have a team meal out as well, which in theory I am up for; I like my colleagues and would hate to miss out on a night out with them. But...

due to work schedules it has been booked for the night before the big party

there is a set menu, £30 per head, which doesn't sound too bad except I am vegetarian and a bit fussy, and there isn't much I will eat on the menu - I'd end up with no starter, a very strange sounding veggie option, and a bit of fruit for dessert.

Part of me really wants to go, but also part of me is disappointed in both the date and the menu and I don't know if I want to under those circumstances. If we didn't have to pay a deposit I would be able to decide closer to the time, but unfortunately that's not an option. I'd be interested in hearing others' opinions to help me make up my mind.

OP posts:

Plump82 · 08/11/2021 06:28

No i wouldn't go.

Orchidflower1 · 08/11/2021 06:29

I wouldn’t go- partly because of the cost and partly as I feel too old to go out out two nights on the bounce!

Could you suggest a meet up for drinks on another date?

Plump82 · 08/11/2021 06:30

Sorry forgot to add my opinion. Work schedules can't be that strict if they can manage another night out right before the 1st one and it doesn't seem like they have taken into consideration everyone (menu) Whenever my work do a team based meal, we make sure everyone's happy with the menu before booking.

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Dinosauria · 08/11/2021 06:33

It sounds like whoever organised it didn't want to go to the original meal. Go to the one you committed to first, which also from your post seems to be the most preferable.

Original poster

Donatella · 08/11/2021 06:38

@Dinosauria

It sounds like whoever organised it didn't want to go to the original meal. Go to the one you committed to first, which also from your post seems to be the most preferable.

Actually the team leader is going to both, but she is young and can cope with two nights out! I think she just felt bad that others weren't going and felt responsible for putting something in place for them. It's her first leadership role and she wants to do the right thing by everyone which is partly why I feel bad about saying no.

OP posts:

Original poster

Donatella · 08/11/2021 06:40

@Plump82

I agree about the menu, but the work schedules thing is genuine - the bigger team one there will always be people having to work so they just choose a date well in advance and people can request the time off. The smaller team is more tricky as we do on calls and there are only a few dates each month where none of us are on call.

OP posts:

Charley50 · 08/11/2021 06:40

I'd just go to the one you committed to first. It's often fun hanging out with colleagues you know, but spend less day to day time with.

Don't let anyone try to pressurise you to go to the other one. Either be honest (cost, hangover etc), or lie and say you had a previous commitment. Remember; no-one really gives a shit

Charley50 · 08/11/2021 06:41

Don't feel bad! It's no biggie!

Original poster

Donatella · 08/11/2021 06:41

How do I say no without sounding like a petulent child - you didn't pander to my needs so now I'm not coming!

OP posts:

Charley50 · 08/11/2021 06:43

@Donatella

How do I say no without sounding like a petulent child - you didn't pander to my needs so now I'm not coming!

Just say you have another commitment, can't afford it, whatever. No-one really cares at the end of the day, don't make this into a bigger thing than it is.

Palladin · 08/11/2021 06:43

Definitely don't feel bad about not going. Generally, though, it's usually possible to choose a suitable vegetarian option for a set meal if you contact the restaurant in advance.

Original poster

Donatella · 08/11/2021 06:49

@Palladin

Definitely don't feel bad about not going. Generally, though, it's usually possible to choose a suitable vegetarian option for a set meal if you contact the restaurant in advance.

There are vegetarian options (two starters and one main) they just aren't things I would choose to eat. I could give the main a go but each of the starters includes a major ingredient I know I just can't eat. I might give them a call though and see if there is another option

OP posts:

chatw0o0 · 08/11/2021 07:04

I'd keep it vague "sorry can't make it that night but looking forward to the big party and will see everyone else before we finish for Xmas". Or whatever suits you the best in phrasing.

RainbowToes · 08/11/2021 07:04

I'd say thanks for the invite but I couldn't handle two consecutive nights out. Perhaps organise another non-meal celebration with your smaller team for a different date.

AwkwardSquad · 08/11/2021 07:05

I’d go to the smaller team meal as well, if I could manage it, although I completely understand the mixed feelings about it. It would demonstrate support for your manager and it’s good for team bonding, and that should stand you in good stead with work relationships. But definitely call the restaurant to see if they can amend the veggie options for you.

MrsCardone · 08/11/2021 07:09

I think you should go to both. I am vegan so I'm used to not being catered for. However, you can always call ahead and ask them to make you something. If they can't cater to you, then eat before you go. And then get a (vegetarian) McDonald's on the way home .

These social occasions are important.

CleopatrasBeautifulNose · 08/11/2021 07:09

You don't sound like you want to more that you should. So for that reason don't go. 'Sorry, I can't make it' is fine.

Babababababybelll · 08/11/2021 07:13

You can always say sorry , 2 nights out of the go dosent work for me because of childcare or too much 2 nights on the trot.
You can always say its an expensive month and you can't justify an extra night out.
Just keep it friendly, noone will mind x

Dumbledoresgirl · 08/11/2021 07:15

As an older person I would have no compunction saying I can't cope with 2 nights out on the trot.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 08/11/2021 07:18

Or pop in for a drink before the meal...

zinky · 08/11/2021 07:22

Can you call the restaurant and ask if you can order " à la Carte" if they have more veg. options

MissingColorado · 08/11/2021 07:26

If you can only manage one, pick the one you’ll enjoy more. I’d try to go to both though, you can sleep extra afterwards 😂 and I’m sure the venue will cater for you if you call them.
Who knows if lockdown or restrictions will happen at some point again, so if you’ll enjoy the evenings out then I’d definitely go to both.

Quitelikeacatslife · 08/11/2021 07:27

I'd go to the small one as well, even if only for the meal but can you ask the organiser if it has to be the set menu as there are only a few of you? They are often a rip off, can you all just choose off menu? But ultimately it may not be the best meal of your life but it is important to do these things, you've got to work together all year.

notacooldad · 08/11/2021 07:29

I wouldn't go.

lentilsforever · 08/11/2021 07:30

It would hinge on how well I get on with the smaller team

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