If you were me, would you go to this Christmas meal?

[Donatella]

At work, I work as part of a smaller team within the larger department. Larger department has booked a big Christmas party (all self funded - Public sector) and I have paid for my place. I'm really looking forward to it, sounds like a fun night.

Not many of my smaller team are going, so our team leader thought that it would be nice to have a team meal out as well, which in theory I am up for; I like my colleagues and would hate to miss out on a night out with them. But...

• due to work schedules it has been booked for the night before the big party

• there is a set menu, £30 per head, which doesn't sound too bad except I am vegetarian and a bit fussy, and there isn't much I will eat on the menu - I'd end up with no starter, a very strange sounding veggie option, and a bit of fruit for dessert.

Part of me really wants to go, but also part of me is disappointed in both the date and the menu and I don't know if I want to under those circumstances. If we didn't have to pay a deposit I would be able to decide closer to the time, but unfortunately that's not an option. I'd be interested in hearing others' opinions to help me make up my mind.

Go for a quick drink before the meal on the first night and then head home for dinner, say you have dinner plans already. That way you show willing but still get to eat what you want and an early night

Contact the venue to ask about additional veggie options

If you don’t want to go

“Thanks for arranging this. Sounds lovely but I’ve committed to the larger event the night after and, as an old fogey, I can’t hack two nights out on the trot! Hope you all have a fab night”

If it's only about the food, just go. Call the restaurant and ask if they can do anything else for you.

But this is about being part of the team, not the food.

I'd probably go anyway if I could afford the £30 and drive rather than drink so it doesn't mean two nights on the trot of drinking.

It's important to bond with your immediate team.

If you decide not to go to the smaller meal, just say something like ‘I can’t go out two nights in a row, I’d be exhausted’ or something similar and leave it at that. The others decided they didn’t want to go to the main party for their own reasons - you are entitled to do the same. Don’t feel like you have to please everybody because you’ll end up annoyed with yourself.

I say this because you likened yourself to a ‘petulant child’ for not wanting to go and I don’t think you should! You have the right to make a choice that’s best for you and don’t feel guilty.

@MrsCardone

I think you should go to both. I am vegan so I'm used to not being catered for. However, you can always call ahead and ask them to make you something. If they can't cater to you, then eat before you go. And then get a (vegetarian) McDonald's on the way home .

These social occasions are important.

my whole working life I never went to any of the work social occasions. It didn't make one iota of difference.

I guess it depends on the type of work you do. I imagine in some sectors it might. I actually think that in my youth my career would have progressed further if I hadnt gone on sone works nights out . I dont go on any now, way too much hassle in terms of driving etc, and it has no impact on my career.

Go for drinks before the small team evening, but back out of the meal. Don't mention the food - she has actually done well to find somewhere with two vegetarian options - but say you haven't got the stamina for two evenings out on the trot.

Go to the main one and not the smaller one.

If any one asks if you are going to the smaller one say "no I'm going to be main one". If they press further, "I can't do both" then be vague like "it too much" "so busy" etc

As pp say no one cares really.

Team bonding?! In my public sector job we spend hours and hours a week together. We bond at work. No need to go out after work to bond.
Parents of young children, people who don't drink for whatever reason, don't go out to work socials. Doesn't mean they're not bonded with their team.

I would politely thank them for the invite but point out you've already committed to going to the other meal by the time this invite was given out and so unfortunately you will have to decline.