21 y/o dd is lonely

[Ruth2009]

Dd has always found it difficult to make friends and get on with others socially.
She isn't diagnosed with any learning difficulties but she has a number of things which she struggles with : very shy, immature for her age, slight speech difficulty, not aware of normal conversation eg talks for too long / asks weird questions, dyspraxia (not diagnosed but we know she has it), no gcses: resat English twice and eventually scraped through, very anxious.

We do find her difficult at home, and sometimes lose our temper with her as she can be quite full on sometimes, other times she says nothing and is quite moody.

She is doing an apprenticeship at the moment in a small family business, so no means to meet new friends.
When she was at college she had a boyfriend but it didn't last long.
She doesn't really have any hobbies.

She is a lovely girl though, very gentle and caring.
She is lonely, has no friends apart from one friend from school that we no longer live near, sees her a couple of times a year. I know she wants a boyfriend too but has no means to meet anyone.

How can she meet friends? She's not into going out drinking and has nobody to go with anyway 😔

It's so difficult for her as she is sort of in between special needs and 'normal '.
I just feel so sad for her..

Would she be up for volunteering? Brownies/cubs etc are always in the look out for helpers and are usually a friendly bunch.

Join a gym or fitness class

Evening classes - cookery, painting, pottery, DIY etc

Join a choir

Some people are introverts 🤷‍♀️

@MrsSkylerWhite - being an introvert isn't the same as being painfully shy and having no friends despite wanting them! In broad terms it just means you don't get your energy from others, you need alone / thinking time to recharge.

OP - it sounds really hard for you all and must be hard to see as a parent. Agree it seems a hobby might be the best bet just as a way to expand her social circle. Maybe volunteering at a food bank could be an option?

@MrsSkylerWhite

Some people are introverts 🤷‍♀️

Do you know what introverted means? This is not what OP stated her DD is

What about charity work OP?

Helping with the Girl guiding sounds a great idea. We have helpers and it's fantastic! They come on camps with us and all sorts

Has she been assessed for the causes of her issues, OP?

Volunteering's a good idea. St John's Ambulance or Do It have opportunities for instance.
Try not to get impatient with her - take yourselves off for a time out if you feel your temper going.

BunNcheese

MrsSkylerWhite
Some people are introverts 🤷‍♀️
Do you know what introverted means? This is not what OP stated her DD is”

Yes, I do.

OP’s description reads as an introvert to me. I have one myself.

Would she try 'meet ups' ? Quite often have groups who fall into diverse interests/different needs/abit out of the 'norm'. There seems to be something for everyone when you look.

I was horrendous at making friends and to be honest still arnt fantastic but I tried to learn the skills and just treat everyone as a potential friend now and maybe this is a skill she needs to practice along with self confidence. She could also tap into local resources for women in terms of self esteem classes etc and may meet kindred spirits there.

Start a WhatsApp group for the apprentices and suggest social activities?

Does require abit of pushing herself but it's so worth it.

@SparklingLime

Has she been assessed for the causes of her issues, OP?

Some of the things you've written indicate that a professional assessment for autism may be warranted, OP.

If she is neurodiverse, understanding herself could help a lot.

Thank you all so much for the replies.
She is introverted, but she's not a hermit! She needs some social contact with people her age.
She struggles so much socially. At school she'd always say people left her out or gave her dirty looks, she expects people to embrace her with open arms immediately and if that doesn't happen she'll put a wall up.
I think volunteering may be the way forward to get her mixing, I'll suggest it to her and find out what there is locally.

Her apprenticeship is in catering so she works late shifts and weekends unfortunately, which makes it tricky, but this is coming to an end in a few months and we're hoping she'll get a job elsewhere.

We do try not to get cross with her but it's so difficult when we're tired ourselves.

She hasn't been assessed since she was at school and there wasn't anything specific, just mild aspects of lots of different things as I mentioned above.

Thanks for the ideas and links.

20:16BessieFinknottle
What aspects of what I've written sound like autism?

Would she join a walking group? Ramblers have younger groups in some areas and walkers are very friendly as a rule.

@MrsSkylerWhite

BunNcheese

MrsSkylerWhite
Some people are introverts 🤷‍♀️
Do you know what introverted means? This is not what OP stated her DD is”

Yes, I do.

OP’s description reads as an introvert to me. I have one myself.

immature for her age, slight speech difficulty, not aware of normal conversation eg talks for too long / asks weird questions

I used to be really introverted and I can still be... this isn't just introverted though. Speech difficulty?

@Ruth2009

20:16BessieFinknottle What aspects of what I've written sound like autism?

All these OP -

slight speech difficulty,

not aware of normal conversation eg talks for too long / asks weird questions,

dyspraxia (not diagnosed but we know she has it),

very anxious,

immature for her age,

'We do find her difficult at home, and sometimes lose our temper with her as she can be quite full on sometimes.'

I do think a professional assessment would be a very good idea.

Also this -

'She struggles so much socially. At school she'd always say people left her out or gave her dirty looks'

Does she play board games? Is there a local gaming club (may be found under tabletop games) Any interest in comics/anime/comiccons? Or historical reenactment and/or Larp?

You often find us special women but not diagnosably so hanging about at any or all of the above. We go to do stuff, the meeting people is just a fortunate byproduct.

Yes female Aspergers jumped out at me too. (I know aspergers isnt diagnosed anymore but imo it should be)

Would she be open to receiving a diagnosis as it could help her to move forward? Also, may help her self esteem.

I made loads of friends when I started volunteering at Guides ☺️

She knows she has got a learning difficulty, I've never mentioned any concerns I have had to her though.
I have never really considered autism/aspergers as she just doesn't come across like that.
I was going to say she can empathise with others, but think about it, she finds it difficult to know what other people might be thinking eg on TV progs.
Also, I don't think she could ever learn to drive as she would find it difficult to predict what other cars are going to do.
Writing it down has made me think about this more..

She doesn't really have hobbies, no particular interests. As a child she was never inquisitive about things, doesn't take a huge interest in the world around her.

I have no idea of how to go about getting her assessed

What does "like that" mean OP?

As in this quote:

I have never really considered autism/aspergers as she just doesn't come across like that.

21:13Shirazboobaloo
Just like how you would expect an autistic person to come accross: no eye contact, doesn't speak 'robotically', she has empathy with others, doesn't have 'obsessions' like autistic people do, although she does have some ocd tenancies now I think about it.
Sorry if what I've said is not pc, not sure how to explain.
I have just never considered that she may have autism/aspergers