What’s your approach to other kids’ birthday presents?

[Rainallnight]

If your DC has been invited to their birthday party?

DD is in Year 1 and after no parties last year, the invitations are now coming in thick and fast.

For my own friends, I’m pretty thoughtful when it comes to presents and put a lot of effort into finding something that will really suit the person I’m giving it to.

But this doesn’t seem sustainable for all these school friend parties. For instance, DD has a party coming up soon with a boy I don’t know well at all. I thought about texting his mum to ask what he’s in to, but she doesn’t want that from the dozen people attending!

So do you just get something sort of generic?

If you're buying for a random child that you don't know, you always run the risk of buying something that they won't like/won't want. As long as you get something age appropriate, that's fine.

And to be honest even if you do get something that the child likes you can still get it wrong - we've had parties where 2 people bought the same Lego set that we already had, and DD (known to be "arty") was at one point so swamped in craft sets there was no way she was ever going to do them all.

I’d go for either money in a card or a book voucher. Alternatively the 2 for £15 toys/games at Argos are always good value. I tend to go for something pretty generic. My dd turned 6 recently. She got some pretty generic stuff eg dolls, crafts etc and she’s enjoyed them all. She also got a fair bit of money so she put it together and spent on Spirit playmobil which she loves. So the money was a great idea.

When DDs were younger, I used to ask DDs to ask their friends what they would like, and go from there.

DD1 is Y5, presents now are £10 in a card.

DD2 is Y3, invites are starting to be for smaller parties, within her friendship group, so she usually knows what the birthday child would like.

@GADDay

I think money in a card for a 6 year old is a dreadful present.

On every level. It's lazy, the child has no capacity to spend it. Sending the birthday child's parent to the shops to buy your present for you.

I just would not bother.

Seriously? My eldest DS( 23) still talks about the time he got £10 in a card and a small box of Celebrations . I thought he was going to explode he was over the moon. A 6 year old can then choose something, save it and its the start of making decisions for themselves.

@Sunflowerfieldsofgold

We will have to agree to disagree

I’m going to go against the majority here. I hate it when I’m asked what my DS would like for his birthday! I often think if you knew him well you shouldn’t have to ask and there’s a part of me thinking it’s a) lazy that you can’t think of anything and b) puts the responsibility of the parent when they have enough to do!

I do actually enjoy thinking of a thoughtful gift for someone whether it’s a child, adult etc and would hate to be told what to buy, reminds me of wedding lists (which I hate equally as much)

My sister does it to me every year - what do you want? Where can I buy it from? Can I give it to someone else to give to you? I’d rather she didn’t buy at all if she has to ask me!

But black and white I know but there’s my thoughts on it, I’m aware everyone is different 🙂

Up to about 8ish, usually a small Lego City kit. £8-£15 depending on how good the friend is. Sometimes just colouring pencils and a courting book for a child we really don’t know in a large class party.

From 9/10, money in an envelope.

I once took a present to the party of a child we didn’t know we’ll that was “lesser” than the going home present!

The present we have was a sticker book (a good one, one of those Usborne ones) and a box of Malteasers. The going home party bag was the same type of sticker book, a large bag or Haribo , a voucher for an ice cream at a local ice cream parlour (random, the party wasn’t there) and a water pistol + cake. It was a really good water pistol too, we still have it nearly 10 years on.

Amazon vouchers always unless it's someone close who I know well and there's something specific they'd like!

@TeaWithTwoCubes2

I'm annoying and I do message the mum as I wouldn't want to give a present that was not wanted and sometimes vouchers can cause a faff. I'm going against the grain here but I've always found a "hi I'm Cube's mum. We are delighted to come to the party! Is there anything DD/DS needs or would really like? Also happy to put money in a card or donate to a cause if that's a better idea! Thanks!" text to be really appreciated. I've never, ever had a single parent not reply to a message like that and it's always been really helpful. I do not want to waste money, time or the opportunity to buy something helpful instead of plastic tat or a voucher that gets used on someone else.

When I ask parents always say oh don’t worry about presents just bring yourselves. So I let the children choose from Amazon

I always gave a book and play doh at that age.

I can’t believe parents spend £15. My daughter has had 4 party invites so far and parents seem to be teaming up for joint parties, some with 3 birthday boys / girls - so only one party and costs split amongst hosts but 3 presents. I go for £7-8 budget and get craft or scratch art sets for girls and my ex DH sorts out boys!

I often think if you knew him well you shouldn’t have to ask

There are 30 children in DD’s class, I absolutely admit there are some I don’t know well! In fact, apart from 3 close friends I don’t really know that much about the interests of 27 5-6 year olds. Surely that’s not uncommon?

I’m feeling very glad that the whole class parties she’s been invited to had ‘no gifts’ on the invitation!

@jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey

I always had a present draw. It was full of items I bought when I saw things on offer. I then let my child choose something from the draw for the birthday child.

Yep we do this too. I've got a load of gifts that cost under £5, although some are worth a lot more but we're bought on offer. DD picks one he friend would like or if she's not sure, we chose a generic one.

@Missusblusky1 Your point b is what holds me back from asking the parents. They have enough to do!

But I don’t think we can be expected the know the interests of kids in our DCs’ class. I would definitely know a few whom DD is very close to, but beyond that, I have no clue

I’m going to go against the majority here. I hate it when I’m asked what my DS would like for his birthday! I often think if you knew him well you shouldn’t have to ask

I would agree with this for family or close friends, but for a 5 year old who just happens to be in your kids class I wouldn't expect OP to know him well at all. I actually think its a good idea to ask or at least check even for close friends, so they don't end up with 2 the same.

Either £5 or £10 in a card with some sweets. Someone started this early on in DS class and it was great. He'd often have enough to buy a new scooter or trampoline or whatever. We can't afford big gifts for our kids really so he was always chuffed.

I always gave small Lego kits or art/craft stuff

DD has just turned 5 and is very pleased to have got some money in a card because she was asking me to buy a toy in a shop we were in a few days before her birthday when I refused because it was right before her birthday. She's been planning all week to go and buy it at the weekend!

@PlaidMaid

I can’t believe parents spend £15. My daughter has had 4 party invites so far and parents seem to be teaming up for joint parties, some with 3 birthday boys / girls - so only one party and costs split amongst hosts but 3 presents. I go for £7-8 budget and get craft or scratch art sets for girls and my ex DH sorts out boys!

I didn’t spend £15 when the dc were going to parties seemingly every week between them! They are now 10 and 13 and might go to a handful a year. £15 is still best friend territory though.

Money is best. All four of my kids preferred money. They were grateful for whatever but the preference was for money.

One of my kids received four identical presents at one party he had.