Anyone else struggle to make their life how how they want it?

[Horriblehalloween]

Just that really!

For example I wish we were the type of family doing something fun for Halloween but instead it’s just a normal Sunday and DH is reluctantly taking the children out trick or treating after tea.

Where do people find the energy for all of this? For anything but the bare minimum?

As long as the children feel that they are doing something fun, that’s what matters.

you have to plan ahead and MAKE it happen op. What did you want to do?

I don’t have children but feel the same at times. Does planning things feel overwhelming or exhausting?

I agree with Girl you have to plan and make sure it happens, not be side tracked or put off. I have to book tickets or ring fence activities or I'll talk myself out of doing anything.

Yes it’s all just so exhausting. I don’t know how people manage anything more than work, school runs and the various activities the children need ferried around to.

To then be planning themed Halloween buffets, extreme costumes etc. It all feels too much!!! Then you feel like the worst parent in the country for not doing all these things.

I’m guilty of thinking that next year will be better but there’s only so many next years isn’t there.

I suppose I need to remind myself that my children don’t see all these things that are going on on SM and don’t know they’re ‘missing out’ as such. I feel terrible though.

Yeah it’s just exhausting, you have to plan and just force yourself to find the energy if you want to do the things. And choose what is important and prioritise.

Mind you I’m a lone parent so if I don’t have that attitude nothing would ever happen.

Aha. It’s a SM thing. I don’t have any and wouldn’t have known what others were doing! I’m quite content with our day. We did decorate some Halloween biscuits but that’s it. Children very happy. Come off SM and don’t compare and feel guilty!

I visit lots of homes for my job and have a very large extended family. From my observations the people who go all out for Halloween/Xmas decoration, outfits etc are the families with a working dad and a SAHM/mum who works very few hours. They’re people who have a very comfortable income which I think makes a huge difference to your energy levels and capacity for further effort at special times of the year. Lots of disposable income means you can afford to have lots of conveniences in your life. For example - me- the cleaner who does the drudge work so you have time and energy to make fantastic Halloween decorations. As a single, working parent on a low income I simply do not have the money or energy to buy or make Halloween decorations.

Probably better to get rid of the social media. Nobody gave two shits about all this picture perfect family activity stuff before Facebook etc. When I was a kid my Halloween costumes consisted of cutting a hole in a bin bag to make a tunic and tying at the waist = witch. I still associate the smell of bin bags with Halloween.

I’m not usually one to let SM bother me. I’m so aware it’s all smoke and mirrors.

Thinks it’s just set me off on a spiral today though!

Agreed people with someone at home full time probably find these things easier although I know there are many who manage it even while working. I’m envious!

The guilt is weighing heavily tonight.

I felt like this about various ‘celebrations’ inc Xmas for a couple of years and then I started planning the next one when they were happening. For example whilst having a rubbish Halloween wishing I had x y and z I planned the next one. All the things I felt guilty about not doing I planned for the following year. When the time came around I was so pleased I had done it and find planning events whilst in the guilt/fed upness of having a rubbish time makes the next year so much better!

Thinking this exact same thing this afternoon!

Found myself explaining to the DC that I’ve worked all week, took them out yesterday done some household chores this morning - it just doesn’t register in their world. Relented and took them to the park before a quick round of trick or treating at a few family and friends. Which means no real quality downtime before the week starts again. Already I sigh as I accept another party invitation that means both children have different parties to go to at the same time - wouldn’t change it as don’t want the DC missing out, but must say it feels relentless. I do what I can, and not bothered in life by what others do as such - but more amazed by how people fit it all in to make it happen. There are not enough hours in the day, and I’m reasonably organised on the important stuff and disorganised on stuff that’s not so important, where I’m more meh as part of my way of coping and getting through it all.

I think some people have "party" in the blood and its really important to mark occasions. I'm not a natural party person but I make an effort as my dps couldn't be bothered.

Just pick the bits that actually seem fun and ditch the stuff that you only want to do because you feel like you “should”. We’ve been decorating pumpkins today but as DD is only 3 they’re mostly paint splattered or scribbled on with markers, don’t look great but she had fun! Cba with costumes so she’s got a secondhand witch dress and hat and I’m in my pjs.

I'll add that I look as if I'm living life for social media (I don't post anything though) as in many ways I'm living what experiences I would have liked through my children. My family didn't mark anything except Christmas, and even then it was only a one day thing. I am however going to be devastated when my dc grow up and aren't interested any more. I'm going to have to find surrogate neices and nephews!

Good idea about starting to make some plans for next year. We should hopefully be in a better place to be spending energy on these sorts of things next year too.

I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one feeling a bit like this but also sorry that others are feeling bad too.

You’ve nailed it with some people having party in their blood I think actually and that’s just not me at all! For some people it’s any excuse for a celebration which is fab for them. Also I think if you’ve not grown up with these things being a big deal it comes less naturally too.

I certainly don’t grudge anyone their Halloween and am glad others are having a nice time. Just feeling envious and wondering how people manage it all.

Keep it simple

@RachelHasThoseInBurgundy

I visit lots of homes for my job and have a very large extended family. From my observations the people who go all out for Halloween/Xmas decoration, outfits etc are the families with a working dad and a SAHM/mum who works very few hours. They’re people who have a very comfortable income which I think makes a huge difference to your energy levels and capacity for further effort at special times of the year. Lots of disposable income means you can afford to have lots of conveniences in your life. For example - me- the cleaner who does the drudge work so you have time and energy to make fantastic Halloween decorations. As a single, working parent on a low income I simply do not have the money or energy to buy or make Halloween decorations.

I think this could be the case

I should also add that I often enjoy these things more than my dc!

Don't get upset... children are easily pleased unless they are always given all the bells and whistles and then nothing seems to please them...,
Drawing on your own pumpkin without an adult breathing down your neck looking for perfection or a hand me down costume or bin bag are fine, knock at a few doors if they want too and have a few treats but most of the crap goes to landfill anyway tomorrow( or in our street, hangs about until Xmas!) It's more about the adults being children IMO

I also disagree with needing a lot of money. The pound shop/home bargains is full of very cheap stuff. I said in another thread that my favourite house for Christmas was a tiny one owned by a very large, poor family. They had hundreds of cheap, tacky decorations that they used over many years - it would be deemed very low class by MN - but as a child it was pure magic.

Yes they’ve carved a pumpkin, gone to a party and are now out trick or treating which feels like enough to me but I know we could have done more and I feel bad about that.

Don’t want to make it into a bun fight about money! On the whole money makes life easier and helps buy time for other things but of course there are people who manage it all on a shoe string and those people are incredible. For us it’s actually definitely not a money issue but a mental load issue

We did a lot of events this halloween as we didn't really have a summer holiday.

That said- honestly some people do these things solely for social media. One women at a pumpkin event was really annoying to her son. Every single mark he made on the pumpkin she shrieked it wasn't neat. It didn't look enjoyable.

Just be happy to have a normal family weekend.

I have a friend who does all these activities and more. They also have a weekly meal from a different country with decorations and amazing homemade costumes. She also volunteers and works.
I don't know how she does it. But its not me and never will be.

I’m massively impressed at the people who make up little bags etc too.