Was this normal in the 90's

[sparklybin]

I'm trying to sort in my head some of the things my parents did when me and siblings were growing up to see what was normal and was was not.

When my parents used to go into town ie the high street, if they had their shopping to do or something like a bank appointment they would drop us at the toy store and leave us there playing with the toys until they'd finished and then they'd come back. Probably used to leave us for about an hour but I'm not sure if it was longer. We were about 4/5 when they started doing this
I can't imagine doing this. It was early 90's though so I don't know if it was normal or not.

No definitely not normal. I can’t think of anyone I grew up with whose parents would have done this.

I am amazed that leaving small children alone was the norm in the 80s/90s let alone in the 70s.

In my experience, children had more freedom and independence in the 60s and 70s than in the subsequent decades.
I can only speak for where grew up but a PP said similar up thread.... I grew up in a very community based environment, where people looked out for each other, would notice if something was amiss and act on it. Can't say 'everyone knew everyone' but most people knew most people.

Me and DH both grew up in the 90s. He says this was definitely something that happened with him and his siblings. I never experienced it and quite shocked tbh!

I worked in a small department store from around 2007 and parents would do it then. Send their kids to play destroy the toys and the boxes so they could shop in peace. I often had to return kids to their parents. Even had one parent have a go at me as I'd removed a small trike off one child who tried to ride it down the escalator!

Perhaps it depends if it was a town/village? My mum would leave me in my pram outside a shop. She went home and forgot about me on one occasion

Not sure if this was normal in 90s and I’m sure I wasn’t left in libraries etc.

1970s child yes we were left outside sometimes in the car at pubs and supermarkets but this was mostly to wait whilst they went in to get what they wanted probably 6 upwards.

We were allowed to go swimming, buses or to local shops by ourselves by mostly with another child from 7-8 upwards. Also local park had adventure playground I was taken there from 7 with friends by parents left to play there for hours. No idea of safety or safeguarding etc and playing out similar - if we came across anything unsafe we might play etc. But not many people checked on us.

I don’t remember ever being left like that, but leaving babies in prams outside the shop was normal. My mum regularly recounts a story of when she went home with her shop only to remember that she had left me outside and had to go back for me !

I remember some of the supermarkets having soft play areas that parent could leave kids. That was a good idea.

Small Northern market town here, definitely not normal for my family.

@mam0918

SpeakingFranglais

Leaving kids out in prams is a trend coming back... I have a baby and in many of my birth clubs I have seen people rave about how they leave the kid outside alone in a pram for hours saying 'other European countries do it all the time, it's good for them to get the fresh air'.

I think of Bugler and McCann and the many others and would NEVER even consider doing it.

I had never heard of this mam0918 but I remember hearing about a New Zealand doctor called Truby King who believed children should be cared for under a very strict routine so children were often left in a pram in the garden so the mother could get on with housework . His ideas were very influential and some New Zealanders born in the 1950s have said what a malign impact he had on their childhood. I think some would even like to see him posthumously accused of being responsible for child neglect.

I was trying to find something about him that I could link to and found this about sleeping outside. One of the contributors from the UK mentions Truby King and leaving her children outside.

in a hutch and other tales of outdoor snoozing [[http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21575562]]

I've ended up going down quite a large rabbit hole, including a report about a Danish American couple who were used to leaving their baby outside cafes in Copenhagen but got short shrift when they tried the same thing in New York!

My children were young in the 90s, I would never have done that.

My kids were born in 91 & 93
No way would they have been left anywhere without a family member.

I was born in the 80s, I remember being left in the car when my parents did their shopping

Bother, I'd forgotten that links from the news app never work. Fingers crossed this works....

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21575562

Never got left alone in shops, I’d be left in the children’s section of the library while my mum was in the adult’s but small library and across the road from our house anyway.
I did have a key from about 10, but I’d usually go in next door after school (same age kids and an informal arrangement as my mum looked after them in the morning until school started)

And that was the 70s - I’d never have left mine anywhere. Late 90s/00s.

@sparklybin

I answered you up thread *@ChocolateGingers* I am in the U.K., always have been. Grew up in a big town in the south east. Don't live there anymore though. Actually live in a village and still wouldn't let my dc walk down to the shops but I do get times are different now which is why I asked because I can't separate what's normal or not and do find it strange now.

I dont think the 90s were very different to now in terms of things like this tbh. I was a young adult in the 90s. My siblings and friends had children. I dont know anyone that would have left them in a shop as you describe.

Obviously it was normal to you. You were a child, it was all you knew. You probably thought all parents did this to their children. My friend suffered all sorts of neglect from her alcoholic mother when she was a child. I remember her telling me that it was only as she got much older and discussed things with friends and saw how their families interacted that she realised that her upbringing was very far from normal. She didn't have any sort of relationship with her mother as an adult as a result. It's only right that now you are a mother yourself you are questioning this. I can't even imagine leaving my dd in a shop unattended for a few hours, it's unthinkable

in the uk babies would sleep in the garden in the 1960s

I had my DC in the 80’s and 90’s and never did this or knew anyone that did it.

My children were born late 70’s,early 80’s,they were never left anywhere on their own! I never left any of them outside a shop,they were with me always.

I remember being left in a toyshop.
It wasn't a toyshop like today's though, not like a big Smyth's superstore. It was a small toyshop in a small town where my mum knew the people there. They had a little corner for kids to colour in pictures in that weird cheap slightly yellow paper.

I don't recall being left in shops in the 70s/80s but my sisters and I would wait in pub gardens with a a warm coke and bag of salt and shake crisps whilst my
parents enjoyed a drink. Pubs were certainly not the family friendly places they are today.
On the rare occasion were smuggled in, we had to be very quiet and keep our heads down.

I know my mum used to take my sister to the cinema,pay for the two of them and then leave her to go shopping or occasionally to her evening job. I did not agree with it.

No it wasn't normal.

A relative of mine works in a library, and this is a not infrequent thing that they encounter, especially on Saturdays, when kids as young as 4 are dumped while the parents go shopping. Pre pandemic they were just about to phone the police as a 5 year old had been alone in the library and it was past closing time. The mother and aunt arrived just as they were about to make the call, pissed, as they had spent the afternoon in the pub. They referred it to social services. The mother and aunt could not see that they had done anything wrong!

It was early 90's though so I don't know if it was normal or not.

The tragic James Bulger murder happened in 1993, that was a big turning point.