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Original poster

New baby.... no bedroom dilemma

44 replies

Enchantmented · 31/10/2021 07:53

What would you do?

1 couple (own room obviously)
9 year old DSD with own room
14 year old DSS who has own room but doesn't live here, only stays every other weekend, dad has custody of DSD so she lives here full time.

We have a baby on the way and no other bedrooms.

I know at first baby will be with us, but after that then what?

We either put in with the 9 year old who has a bigger room, but then that will cause major sleep disturbance.

Or we use 14 year olds room but then when he stays he wont really have anywhere? And may feel pushed out.

OP posts:
DockOTheBay · 31/10/2021 07:58

Tricky one, logically the baby who loves with you 24/7 should have the bedroom, over DSS who is only there 2 nights out of 14. However, emotionally its really not great for a 15 year old to be kicked out of his room to make way for Dads new baby.

Are either of the bedrooms big enough to split into 2? Or do you have a dining room or a garage which could be converted into a bedroom?

If DD9 is willing to share, it might not necessarily cause sleep disturbance as some babies sleep through the night early on. However its not a long term solution as a 13 year old wouldn't want to share with a 4 year old.

Moonshine11 · 31/10/2021 08:02

For how often DSS stays could he not bunk in with DSD?

Either way it's not going to be fair on someone.
But I do think a 6 month old baby in with a 9 year old isn't fair, whilst some babies sleep through quick, others don't.

Talipesmum · 31/10/2021 08:03

Baby in the 14 yr olds room. When he stays at yours, baby moves back into your room. Or one of you on sofa and baby / toddler in bed with the other.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

14 year olds 9 year olds
blink1eight2 · 31/10/2021 08:04

@Moonshine11

For how often DSS stays could he not bunk in with DSD?

Either way it's not going to be fair on someone.
But I do think a 6 month old baby in with a 9 year old isn't fair, whilst some babies sleep through quick, others don't.

Wtf. No.
Moonshine11 · 31/10/2021 08:05

@blink1eight2 why? 😂
Get another bed obv?

Original poster
Enchantmented · 31/10/2021 08:06

I thought that, but with DSS going through puberty i don't think its appropriate to bunk up.

Such a hard one.

It does seem a waste of a room when we so badly need one, but i can guarantee he will kick off about it snd say he doesn't want to come over :-/

OP posts:
AnkleDeep · 31/10/2021 08:06

Baby gets the room. DSS has space there for his things but sleeps in his sister's room or downstairs on a Z bed.

Sprogonthetyne · 31/10/2021 08:07

You have the reminder of the pregnancy then at least a year, possibly even two, before baby would need their own room. Is there any chance of moving before then?

If not, can you manage until the oldest is an adult, especially if their likely to move away for university or similar. In a few years thay might no need the room. I know it's a way off, but by the time baby is 2, the oldest child would be 17/18?

blink1eight2 · 31/10/2021 08:07

@Enchantmented

I thought that, but with DSS going through puberty i don't think its appropriate to bunk up.

Such a hard one.

It does seem a waste of a room when we so badly need one, but i can guarantee he will kick off about it snd say he doesn't want to come over :-/

It's not appropriate at all for your step son to have no privacy, glad you see that Halloween Smile

Plus, being shunted out for a new baby won't feel great to him.

blink1eight2 · 31/10/2021 08:08

@AnkleDeep

Baby gets the room. DSS has space there for his things but sleeps in his sister's room or downstairs on a Z bed.
How horrible for the step son.
NellieBertram · 31/10/2021 08:08

Baby in with you til they are 18m/2.

By that time the baby will be sleeping solidly and DSS will be 16 and probably not staying so much.
Baby has DSS room with a sofa bed in there for the odd night he sleeps over.

3WildOnes · 31/10/2021 08:10

Baby in with you for a year. Then could you get a bigger house or split one room to make two?
I would not give your step sons room to new baby. I know I would have been pretty devastated as a teenager if my bedroom at my dads house had been given to a new baby. I would already have been upset that this new baby got to live with my dad full time whereas I didn’t. Loosing my bedroom would have made me feel like a guest and would have seriously damaged my relationship with my dad.

NellieBertram · 31/10/2021 08:10

Or baby in DSS’s room from the start and the 1 night in 14 DSS sleeps over the baby goes in a travel cot in your room.

Original poster
Enchantmented · 31/10/2021 08:12

Also DSS is a small single. No space for sofabed etc.

No other rooms to convert for person who asked.

We considered moving but the expense of it plus an extra baby, me on mat leave for a year its not feasible really.

OP posts:
Dollywilde · 31/10/2021 08:12

DSD into the small room so she has her own room full time.

Bigger room split with a bookcase down the middle, half for DSS and half for baby. They don’t sleep in there at the same time, when DSS stays baby comes in with you, but they both have their own space for their own stuff/decoration etc.

blink1eight2 · 31/10/2021 08:12

@3WildOnes

Baby in with you for a year. Then could you get a bigger house or split one room to make two? I would not give your step sons room to new baby. I know I would have been pretty devastated as a teenager if my bedroom at my dads house had been given to a new baby. I would already have been upset that this new baby got to live with my dad full time whereas I didn’t. Loosing my bedroom would have made me feel like a guest and would have seriously damaged my relationship with my dad.
Happened to me.

Dad and I are close but I can't forget how pushed out I felt

blink1eight2 · 31/10/2021 08:12

@Dollywilde

DSD into the small room so she has her own room full time.

Bigger room split with a bookcase down the middle, half for DSS and half for baby. They don’t sleep in there at the same time, when DSS stays baby comes in with you, but they both have their own space for their own stuff/decoration etc.

Best idea so far.
NellieBertram · 31/10/2021 08:13

@Enchantmented

Also DSS is a small single. No space for sofabed etc.

No other rooms to convert for person who asked.

We considered moving but the expense of it plus an extra baby, me on mat leave for a year its not feasible really.

Just keep the baby in with you for a year or two, circumstances may well have changed by then anyway.
Original poster
Enchantmented · 31/10/2021 08:14

@Dollywilde He is far too noisy for that to work but appreciate the idea :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Enchantmented · 31/10/2021 08:15

Oh sorry didnt read it properly! @Dollywilde

OP posts:
SickAndTiredAgain · 31/10/2021 08:17

If DD9 is willing to share, it might not necessarily cause sleep disturbance as some babies sleep through the night early on

It would be ridiculous to do this while there is an empty bedroom just sitting there 12 nights out of 14.

DSS will have to share with the baby, but that should be the bigger room. Keep baby in with you as long as possible though.

EnrouteNOTonroute · 31/10/2021 08:17

I think the only fair way is baby sleeps in DSS room when he’s not there and sleeps with you when he is.
Until you get a bigger house or DSS is old enough to feel he might not need a dedicated room in your home (as he’s got his own place). That could take years though.

girlmom21 · 31/10/2021 08:19

Move DSD into the small room, split her room in half so baby and DSS have half each?

Ohhgreat · 31/10/2021 08:19

It'll be 18months before you actually need to make a decision - baby can easily be in with you for a year. By that point you'll have an 11 year old and a 16 year old - who will have had time to get used to new baby. So my advice is dont do anything yet, just wait and see.

dudsville · 31/10/2021 08:20

@Talipesmum

Baby in the 14 yr olds room. When he stays at yours, baby moves back into your room. Or one of you on sofa and baby / toddler in bed with the other.
This. The eldestst is 14 yrs, so it's only a few yes potentially until he could be the one in the sofa, but that time could give him space to adjust and not feel put in the back burner.
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