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Original poster

Declining dinner party invitation without ending friendship?

78 replies

A580Hojas · 30/10/2021 21:03

Oh no, we (dh and I) have been invited to dinner and we don't want to go, although I would like to stay in touch/not offend the woman of the couple.

Unfortunately we haven't been given a date, just a " let us know when you are free in the next 6 weeks" type thing.

WWYD?

OP posts:
fussygalore118 · 30/10/2021 21:06

Can't you just say you have no free weekend s until after Xmas? Busy time of year etc.....

Leavisite · 30/10/2021 21:08

Is there a particular reason you don’t want to have dinner with them? Is the man awful or something?

FlowerArranger · 30/10/2021 21:08

It's just a dinner........ why is it so difficult?

If you tell us what the problem is, maybe we can help you?

Clymene · 30/10/2021 21:16

Why don't you want to go?

Original poster
A580Hojas · 30/10/2021 21:17

It's for hosts, me and dh, and another couple.

We three women are all friendly enough, the men don't know each other that well ... a primary school/sahm/neighbours type thing.

I think we've had dinner in or out with these two other couples seven or either times now. There's been a lot of bickering and some stand up rows. My dh and one of the wives can't stand each other really. I find one of the other husbands very tricky.

We don't all get along the 6 of us and I don't understand why the hosts still want it to be a thing! I would have thought they'd clocked the atmosphere on other occasions and wanted to let it go now.

OP posts:
Original poster
A580Hojas · 30/10/2021 21:18

seven or eight times, not seven or either times

OP posts:
Mumdiva99 · 30/10/2021 21:20

If there are kids then just say you can't get a babysitter but why don't you have a girls night instead?

FigureofEight · 30/10/2021 21:22

Suggest some dates then have a baby sitting issue ?

I know it's highly immoral but not sure how else you can get out of this one.

FigureofEight · 30/10/2021 21:22

Or tell the truth and suggest dinner out mums only.

LolaSmiles · 30/10/2021 21:23

Could you kick it into the long grass until the new year and then say that you enjoy seeing the host, but you and DH are finding it tough to find joint evenings free with the children and other commitments. Then offer to arrange coffee or lunch with the women that you like.

Ragwort · 30/10/2021 21:24

I totally get you, I loathe dinner parties, I enjoy my girl friends' company but I don't want to have to make polite conversation with their DHs .. I think you need to be honest and just say 'I much prefer meeting you without the DHs around' ...

RandomMess · 30/10/2021 21:26

Hmmmm

How about you say "not sure that's such a great mix after last time, when don't just you and DH come to us instead"

ManifestingWisdom · 30/10/2021 21:27

Can you be honest and say that it's a potentially problematic mix of people for yr husband.

ApplesAreTheBaneOfMyLife · 30/10/2021 21:27

Just be honest and say it’s a lovely generous offer but you don’t think the dynamics work. Suggest that the three of you do something instead.

NiceGerbil · 30/10/2021 21:28

If you're just 'friendly enough' and seems there's loads of friction- stand up rows!!!

Why do you want to keep the friendships? Which ones with?

Nuttymonkey · 30/10/2021 21:31

Interested to know more about the bickering as me and my OH save that for family only lol and as a last straw. Can't imagine bickering with people we are having dinner with! What was it about?
But I'd just say, the diary is looking really busy for both of us to make a date together, probably have to get back to you after Christmas on that, however I can probably come without DH at some point before then maybe...

AmandaHoldensLips · 30/10/2021 21:32

Excruciating dinner parties are toe-curling. We once accepted (fuck knows why) an invitation because we knew and liked one of the couples. Dinner was a dry chicken breast served with dry boiled potatoes (with skin on) and carrots (with skin on) and was like trying to eat a polystyrene ceiling tile.

Then, horror of horrors, the host decided to treat us all to him standing in the middle of the sitting room, playing guitar really badly and singing.

We had to move house.

Thepennysjustdropped · 30/10/2021 21:33

Be honest with her. Just invite the one couple to yours, or have women only go out for a meal. I can't remember the last time DH & I went for a meal to another couple's house cos he hates them all Grin but I have the girls to mine or we go out and have a laugh that we wouldn't have if the DPs were there.

FlowerArranger · 30/10/2021 21:36

I'd grab the bull by the horns......

It's a lovely idea but I don't think our DHs gel. Why don't we have a girls night out instead and paint the town red while the lads look after the kids?

Perhaps suggest dinner iut plus a musical, if you all are into that.

Leavisite · 30/10/2021 21:37

Perhaps the hosts enjoy watching you all fighting?

Catflapkitkat · 30/10/2021 21:37

Would you go on your own?

Clymene · 30/10/2021 22:06

Is it the hosts that you don't get on with?

I would say something like 'ooh not sure that's such a good idea after last time! How about I meet you and Jenny without the men?'

You're not being rude

Normandy144 · 30/10/2021 22:10

Just seems really strange that the DHs barely know each other but yet there's been stand up rows and bickering after just a few meals out. Very strange behaviour.

Bringonthepjs · 30/10/2021 22:15

What is the bickering about? Brexit? Insulate Britain? Joint driveway?

Original poster
A580Hojas · 30/10/2021 23:06

Bickering within the other two couples. Stand up row between dh and one of the women on something they strongly disagree on. Not sure why someone thinks the bickering is between the men.

Can I say "thank you for the invite but it's just not something we want to do" or would that spell the end of my relationship with the woman? I guess it would so I suppose we're going to have to do it!

OP posts:
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