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Original poster

Criticised for using wraparound care as I’m a sahm ???!!!

39 replies

TryingMyBes · 30/10/2021 19:07

I’m really annoyed !

We need to use wraparound care and a relative made the comment ‘oh poor thing !’ about ds! When I said sorry what ? He has a great time I was told it’s for WORKING parents and why can’t I walk the few mins to collect. I feel judged . It’s quite upsetting

I can’t do it due to younger dcs health issues and ds loves the clubs

OP posts:
MsWalterMitty · 30/10/2021 19:08

Not worth getting annoyed about. You do you and all that. Why care what they think

Original poster
TryingMyBes · 30/10/2021 19:09

@MsWalterMitty

Not worth getting annoyed about. You do you and all that. Why care what they think
I think it’s just because it was said with such shock and judgement

Plus I’m tired and sensitive 😞

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 30/10/2021 19:09

So your too ill to collect the child from school?

Interested in this thread?

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Families
Original poster
TryingMyBes · 30/10/2021 19:11

@Theunamedcat

So your too ill to collect the child from school?
No I’m fine !! My younger dc is the one who isn’t well enough to
OP posts:
Hercisback · 30/10/2021 19:12

Perhaps they didn't understand why you're using it. Tbh it is a little odd as an outsider to see a sahm using after school club. Give her the benefit of the doubt.

WandaVision2 · 30/10/2021 19:13

If you really can’t collect your child there is no alternative

Original poster
TryingMyBes · 30/10/2021 19:13

@Hercisback

Perhaps they didn't understand why you're using it. Tbh it is a little odd as an outsider to see a sahm using after school club. Give her the benefit of the doubt.
They are fully aware of all the circumstances we are up against that’s why I was so annoyed and upset as it wasn’t said from w place of ignorance just to be unpleasant and make me feel crap !
OP posts:
itsgettingwierd · 30/10/2021 19:13

@Theunamedcat

So your too ill to collect the child from school?
No the youngest has health issues.

OP you need to do what you need to do. Unless you are in the situation where you have a disabled child - no one gets it. They don't sadly.

Even the authorities who refuse to allow children in special schools to be dropped off or picked up early at school/ or arrange alternative transport pick up to accommodate other children - who also must be at school on time.

I'd tell that person they are more than welcome to collect ds and drop him home for you if they think he shouldn't be in club.

Then watch them run WinkGrin

Original poster
TryingMyBes · 30/10/2021 19:14

It’s not the whole week either as Dh works shifts so when he’s off he can do pick up drop off or I can if he’s around to look after younger dc

OP posts:
Hercisback · 30/10/2021 19:16

Judging by your relatives follow up statements they don't really understand why you're using it though. You could have just explained.

If they were being a dick then yes that's obviously unkind but most people wouldn't say something like this if they really thought you had no alternative.

Why do you feel crap about something you have no choice over and you've said your DS loves?

makelovenotpetrol · 30/10/2021 19:16

I used wraparound care when I was a SAHM.

It's not anyone's business why you need it, or want it. If you need / want it then that's what you do.

Aimee1987 · 30/10/2021 19:16

Ignore them. What a stupid thing to say. If your son enjoyed after school club for a day and you were where you were needed then no harm done. To be fair if you went and got your son and he was ag home being ignored because you had to tend to his ill sibling I'm sure someone else would be along to say poor thing being ignored.

This shit would piss me off as well but not worth the head space.

FourTeaFallOut · 30/10/2021 19:16

And what did they say when you told them to fuck off?

Yummymummy2020 · 30/10/2021 19:20

To be honest disabled child or not, it’s your choice what clubs your child is in and if they like them what’s the harm. People can be very quick to judge, I would be offended too if someone made out I wasn’t doing the best I could for my child. I mean what’s the poor thing comment about! When I was younger I would have loved extra time with my friends!!!

Original poster
TryingMyBes · 30/10/2021 19:21

No they fully know the reasons they just choose to assume that’s not as I say too but offer no help just judgement and bad advice on how I could parent better

OP posts:
Original poster
TryingMyBes · 30/10/2021 19:24

@Yummymummy2020

To be honest disabled child or not, it’s your choice what clubs your child is in and if they like them what’s the harm. People can be very quick to judge, I would be offended too if someone made out I wasn’t doing the best I could for my child. I mean what’s the poor thing comment about! When I was younger I would have loved extra time with my friends!!!
Yes it was ‘poor thing’ but she knows the clubs have games and Lego and snacks etc etc as I’d mentioned it before
OP posts:
willieversleep · 30/10/2021 19:36

Why should your child not be given the opportunity to attend clubs due to your employment status? Very strange

Original poster
TryingMyBes · 30/10/2021 19:37

@willieversleep

Why should your child not be given the opportunity to attend clubs due to your employment status? Very strange
I think it’s assumed that breakfast and after school club are for ‘working parents ‘ and other school clubs like art or sport or drama club are for anyone - that’s the impression I’m getting 🤦‍♀️
OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 30/10/2021 19:38

I could understand a misjudged or insensitive comment is someone didn't know the full picture, but not something as rude as they've been.
It's worse that they know about your situation and have decided to share their hurtful views.

Snowdropsandbluebells · 30/10/2021 19:39

This is why I don't tell people too much.
Try to ignore them Flowers

TravelLost · 30/10/2021 19:58

@TryingMyBes

No they fully know the reasons they just choose to assume that’s not as I say too but offer no help just judgement and bad advice on how I could parent better
What they are telling you is that your younger dc isn’t that bad and you are making a mountain out if a molehill.

They’ve also decided to guilt trip you instead of actually telling you up front, which would have given you the opportunity to explain.

I’d say it says a lot about what they think about you.

TravelLost · 30/10/2021 19:58

And they are wrong btw!!

LadyCleathStuart · 30/10/2021 20:41

There is literally nothing you can do as a parent that someone, somewhere, won't find a way to judge you for.

Just let it go and do what you need to do. There is no rule that says wrap around care is only for working parents.

Original poster
TryingMyBes · 30/10/2021 20:56

@TravelLost

Yes I think this precisely it. Ive had raised eyebrows at the autism diagnosis for younger dc. How this person seems them ‘ok’ or ‘normal’ from a photo or short video clip 🤦‍♀️ So think I’m being over the top when I literally can’t go to the school or it causes total meltdown (because younger dc attends am sessions at nursery and doesn’t understand in the afternoon it’s not their turn so has meltdowns)

OP posts:
Hercisback · 30/10/2021 21:09

Perhaps your family are coming at it from a point that it could feel unfair for your ds to go to after school club due to your other child's issues. Where do you draw the line at ds having to fit round his sibling?

I'm not saying your family are right to make those comments, and it sounds like they have been particularly rude. For whatever reason, your family see after school club as a negative in your ds life, you don't feel the same.