Criticised for using wraparound care as I’m a sahm ???!!!

[TryingMyBes]

I’m really annoyed !

We need to use wraparound care and a relative made the comment ‘oh poor thing !’ about ds! When I said sorry what ? He has a great time I was told it’s for WORKING parents and why can’t I walk the few mins to collect. I feel judged . It’s quite upsetting

I can’t do it due to younger dcs health issues and ds loves the clubs

That’s really sad. If your kid loves the clubs then he’s a lucky duck surely?? I’m a SAHM and it never crossed my mind to not let DS do football club because of it

I’m a SAHM and my daughter goes to after school club once a week because she wants to, I’ve been trying to encourage her to find a hobby she loves but she’s not interested in sport/dance/swimming and was desperate to go to ASC because her best friend ‘is so lucky and gets to go every day’ so why not? parents can’t win, the grass is always greener 🙄

I’m on maternity leave but my older two still go to after school club because they want to and because I hate the pressure of the exact pick up time school run. They’re used to after school when I am working so it’s fine. Do what works best!

Oh ignore them. Several of DS's friends go to teatime club when they have a parent at home. They ask to go because their friends go, and for the parents it is easier than a playdate, so everyone's a winner.

It would be different if the child hated it I suppose.

@Hercisback

Perhaps your family are coming at it from a point that it could feel unfair for your ds to go to after school club due to your other child's issues. Where do you draw the line at ds having to fit round his sibling?

I'm not saying your family are right to make those comments, and it sounds like they have been particularly rude. For whatever reason, your family see after school club as a negative in your ds life, you don't feel the same.

I can see that perspective but luckily it gives ds1 time somewhere nice and calm and he seems to view it as a treat I think he’s under the impress It’s quite exclusive 🤣

If they really thought I was so wrong I’m surprised they haven’t offered to do pick up for us ……🤔🤣🤣

At my school, WAC is limited to 15 kids and it's open to working parents/caters first. Your circumstances are obviously different, OP, but I have to say I found the v few SAHMs using the facility regularly, quite odd. Especially the 5:57 pm pick ups.

It does make for a very long day for a small child, but if you've got no option there's not much you can do.

Rather than pay for after school club, could you pay someone to collect your child and drop them home after school?

I used to put my dc in holiday club even if was may day off or for some time when I wasn't working.
Because he liked it! Because sometimes it's more fun than being with me. Because I got a chance to get stuff done if was my day off.
I didn't choose to pay a chunk of my money for something he didn't enjoy or want to go to.

I'd of told them to sod off

I have raised eyebrows about my youngest having special needs its irritating but as she allowed me to continue at school unsupported despite suspected dyslexia I suppose I shouldn't be surprised turns out I might have adhd but I'm 46 who cares 🙃

Oh, who cares what they think OP? You're the one parenting your children, they can't possibly understand the impact of your caring responsibilities. Don't give it any more energy. Judgemental and opinionated people really aren't worth adding to your list of concerns. Fuckers. They're not offering support, just the benefit of their uninformed opinion. Carry on doing what YOU think is best

You use it as you need to. I may quietly judge a sahm using one just for a beak from the kids as there are limited places and working parents need them but it seems like you are an exemption so don’t worry!

In DS2’s indie everyone uses the wrap around care (SAH and working parents) as it’s included in the school fees. No one judges anyone. The kids love going and the parents get a longer day to do whatever they want to do.

Is the child using the care happy, is the child at home happy, yes there are, so all is good.

[quote TryingMyBes]@TravelLost

Yes I think this precisely it. Ive had raised eyebrows at the autism diagnosis for younger dc. How this person seems them ‘ok’ or ‘normal’ from a photo or short video clip 🤦‍♀️ So think I’m being over the top when I literally can’t go to the school or it causes total meltdown (because younger dc attends am sessions at nursery and doesn’t understand in the afternoon it’s not their turn so has meltdowns)[/quote]
So the reason you can’t get to the school is because your younger DC is autistic and hasn’t grasped the schedule, triggering a meltdown?

What have you tried so far? Do you use a visual timetable? Have you tried a social story? Or even just visual aids? I’ve got twin DC who are both autistic, DS has very high care needs while DD masks and until recently was managing in mainstream. I’ve been in your shoes and I know exactly how tough it is. We had similar difficulties with misunderstandings and meltdowns. I also know that sometimes it’s just easier to avoid the thing that causes the problem rather than trying to work through it because it’s so bloody hard. Even for autistic children who are fully verbal, a clear visual timetable really is very important but it needs to be accessible for the child and pitched at the right level. Are you using PECS? What do the nursery use with him? Is he under speech and language therapy - they could help to create what you need.

Having said all of that I wouldn’t give two shiny shits what someone else thinks about my decisions. You’ve got more than enough on your plate and you don’t need to justify your decisions. Autism tends to bring out the judgemental streak in people who have absolutely no knowledge of it, it really is quite incredible 😳😂