TTC but BMI says I’m obese but struggling to lose weight

[Art3miss]

So, my partner and I have been planning to get pregnant for a while and we’ve decided that now is the time.

The plan was I was going to lose a bit of weight before and then we’d get to it. I lost a bit but then I got really stressed at work and busy and so exercise took a back seat and comfort eating set in. And then I got unwell a month ago and it took a while to recover but during that time I just ate whatever and didn’t exercise cos I was too sick.

Skip to now and I’m back where I started weight wise and panicking it will affect me or baby during pregnancy/birth. I was thinking maybe I should wait and try it again later but I’m 34 and starting to worry about that supposed ‘fertility drop’ at 35. I’d like to have two children.

Also, my partner and I have used no protection for years other than (excuse the crassness) pulling out method. I worry that there may be something wrong if in all those years I never once got pregnant. You hear all these stories of people using that method and having unplanned pregnancies but it’s never happened.

Any advice or something to soothe my mind would be great as I’m currently spiralling and stress probably won’t help!

I'm a bit confused that you got sick so then chose to eat crap and gain weight. If you don't eat at least a balanced diet how do you expect your body to prepare for pregnancy.

Small changes in your lives. Go for a walk after dinner together instead of watching TV, yes it’s dark but unless you live rurally it’ll be fine. Stop buying sharing bags or multipacks of treats, sliced apple instead. Alcohol only one day a week.

Thanks for the dismissive attitude. I didn’t say I ate crap, I said I ate whatever as in, I wasn’t as restrictive as I was before (i have been dieting and exercising) I still ate nutritious meals but I was hungrier probably from fighting off the cold and I may have had a dessert one day because I’m a human being. Please think about what you say before you say it, and try not to be dismissive of people before you know the full story. I thought this place was supposed to be supportive and the first comment I got was that.

I stopped drinking a while ago now and I don’t buy share bags of anything! There’s actually nothing in my house that’s unhealthy. I have been following a plan for a while and just have really struggled to shift weight. My shape has definitely changed but weight only shifted a little.

can you go swimming or aquafit?

My commemt wasn't dismissive it was practical. The way you have written your post is that you had gained all the weight back. So to do that you obviously ate more than the odd extra dessert.
You have asked for advice and I have suggested a balanced diet to prepare your body.

Hiya OP, I think just start trying and see how you go. There's never really a perfect time. Easier said than done I know, but I'd try to stay relaxed and enjoy process. I also struggle with comfort eating and the only thing that's worked for me is never having treats in the house, portion control, cooking from scratch and being as active as I can be. I found that after a month of eating well and exercising Ive started feeling better in my body and the desire to over eat or snack really decreases. Good luck!

If you're obese OP it may well be harder to get and stay pregnant. So if you're serious about wanting two DC, you need to prioritise your health and fitness and so should your DP, if he is also overweight.

If your diet is basically healthy, then it could be portion size that's your problem. Make sure you're eating enough protein, as this fills you up, but it should be the size of your palm, no bigger. Switch to brown versions of white foods - so brown rice, brown pasta, wholemeal bread, etc, these are more filling and won't cause a blood sugar spike after eating that can lead to snacking between meals.

Find exercise that you like that you can easily fit into your day - a brisk walk after breakfast if you work at home, or at lunchtime if you WOH, walking/cycling to work, taking the stairs rather than the lift, the NHS Couch-to-5k app, to get you started with running. You might also want to look at MyFitnessPal and 5:2 fasting, both of which are sustainable ways to lose weight, while maintaining good overall health. Start taking prenatal vitamins (and your DP should too).

And don't beat yourself up. You are where you are. Start today and keep going.

How overweight are you? A BMI of 30 probably won't affect fertility but 40 will.
Also the fertility drop is a myth - it's a gradual decline.
I think if you're both ready you should start trying properly and if you don't get pregnant you've got time to investigate why.

I hear you OP. You're a comfort eater, used to eat your stress and feelings. And you're stressed about the possibility of not being fertile because you're overweight. Self defeating comfort eating and self criticism, leading to more eating, follow.
You obviously know what good enough nutrition looks like but need a safe place to explore portion control, over reliance on carbs and emotional eating. Can you afford a therapist? There are self help books that people recommend on here too, but I don't remember them, sorry. Maybe have a look on Amazon and read reviews? Self hypnosis audio can help too.

I already follow an exercise plan that includes hiit and weights. I was more thinking like should I wait or should i go for it.

I wasn’t asking for diet advice I was asking for advice re waiting vs continuing on my diet and exercise journey first. And it was dismissive because you don’t know the full story, didn’t bother to ask any questions and just went straight in with assumptions. The way you said it was also shaming me as a mother before I’m even a mother. I’m sorry if my writing isn’t perfect but I was just looking for support.

Why would you wait that makes no sense. Obesity cause so many issues it’s not just about trying to conceive.
Cut down on carbs and eat less calories, a lot less.

Hi thank you! I don’t have unhealthy snacks in the house as im already on a diet and exercise plan. I ate a little more when I was sick cos I was soooo hungry, must have been my body fighting the cold. And cos I had sinus issues for a couple of weeks exercising was out of the question, even walking outside hurt my face!

Back to it now, thanks for the support!

I’m confused by your reply! Do you mean why wait to get pregnant?

I don’t think you need to wait to start ttc in earnest, but you can make more lifestyle changes at the same time, or continue the ones you’re already doing. It would be putting a huge amount of pressure on yourself to say that you have to lose x amount of weight before you start (I’ve been there, I had to lose weight to be eligible for fertility treatment and it was really awful - I felt so much shame and added stress). If you start and then find that there is any issue with either of your fertility, you’ll have already started making the changes that you would have to make in that situation anyway. Good luck, I hope it all goes well for you.

I think the original message may have got lost here somehow or maybe I didn’t write it correctly! I am already on a diet and exercise plan, no unhealthy stuff in the house. I was more looking to see if other people had been in a similar situation and went on to conceive fine or if you put off TTC to lose a bit of weight first!

I can’t really afford a therapist otherwise I would have been in there years ago! Went down NHS route and they just fob you off.

Shaming you as a mother!! Where have I done that?
You sound very defensive to say the least. You mention obesity but you don't need diet or exercise advice

Not here to argue with you. If you want serious advice maybe work on your attitude.

You haven’t actually said how overweight you are but these days there is a very skewed attitude to what weight should be. I am 5ft 5 and weight about 9st 10lb give or take a pound or two. I consider myself a healthy weight.

I would look at portion size and carb intake. I’m guessing you have regular size dinner plates? if you go in your Grans cupboards if you have a gran or a charity shop you will see dinner plates from days of yore. They are considerably smaller, I have some of DH Grans plates plus I’m a 1970’s kid so remember them. Buy yourself a smaller plate from this time period the plate then looks full.

People eat far more than when I was young and now it is the new normal so no one bats an eyelid. There is no idea what a portion size should be. Carbs are in everything, we don’t actually need to eat a ton of potatoes and loads of bread, look at this intake.

I have never cut out a food group in my life, have everything but far less. There was one overweight child at my school in the 1970’s. Parents never fretted so much about what to give kids I remember a treat was a Vesta ready meal and we ate crappy frozen mousse for pudding often.

People get fixated on healthy food but people, can eat too much of that as well.

Thanks so much that’s really helpful! I hope all went well for you!

Exercise has little to do with weight loss with is mostly about what you eat.

If you struggle to stay motivated then maybe join SlimmingWorld or something similar.

Maybe I misunderstood I meant why wait to get back on your healthy eating plan. I see you meant should you wait to tcc, I would wait six months yes the healthier you can be the better outcomes for pregnancy. You are young enough to wait.

Speaking as an obese person who had a baby last year - have you tried tracking your cycles and ovulation? Do you know if you're affected at all by irregular cycles?

I ask because it was only when I was TTC that I realised I had irregularities in when I ovulated etc and was subsequently diagnosed PCOS after investigations. Overweight women are statistically more likely to suffer from PCOS.

BUT losing even just 5% of your body weight can have a really positive impact on regulating your cycles - so would you find it easier to break it down into smaller targets like lose 2%, then lose 5% etc?

(This might all be irrelevant if you have regular cycles though 😂 )

Gestational diabetes is also more common in overweight women so that's something to bear in mind. It would actually be more beneficial to focus on eating the right foods to balance your blood sugars before getting pregnant? Rather than getting overwhelmed with diets or calories etc. Focus on eating more/less of certain foods (ie more Low GI foods, cutting down on processed sugars).

When I got pregnant I was advised (against what I initially thought) that it was safe to diet when pregnant as long as it was following a general healthy balanced eating plan versus any fad or restrictive diet.

So I'm waffling now but I'd say go for it, you can still continue eating healthily when pregnant anyway so it doesn't need to be a before/after mentality.

I have been following a diet and exercise plan but I think added stress with work and lack of sleep and also working from home for nearly two years has probably had an effect (i.e. not moving as much in the day even though I do fit in exercise)

I’m not morbidly obese but obese according to NHS BMI. When i started my plan i lost a little weight but it was more inches i lost rather than weight so don’t know how useful BMI is to go by these days!

Hey OP, I hear you. I was obese as well and when we learned we would need IVF last year I lost the weight because our NHS funding was only for a BMI under 29. So I got my BMI down from 33 to 28 and I feel so much better for it.

It's not easy though! Especially when you are unwell or have work stress. But it is doable. It's about small changes over time.

Can I ask what is your current BMI? Because as someone above said, if it's 30/31 it's probably not going to have as big of an impact as if it's in the high 30's or above.

It's always good to get yourself as healthy as possible before pregnancy, but if you're only just into the obese category of BMI, you may be worrying about something that isn't going to be so much of an issue.

If it is higher then yes it's probably a good idea to look at bringing it down a bit, but you can probably do this at the same time as TTC.

Have you ever used myfitnesspal? What worked for me was logging calories on there in combination with a little more movement. I lost 2 stone in the space of about 5/6 months and have kept it off, and it wasn't complicated :)