TTC but BMI says I’m obese but struggling to lose weight

[Art3miss]

So, my partner and I have been planning to get pregnant for a while and we’ve decided that now is the time.

The plan was I was going to lose a bit of weight before and then we’d get to it. I lost a bit but then I got really stressed at work and busy and so exercise took a back seat and comfort eating set in. And then I got unwell a month ago and it took a while to recover but during that time I just ate whatever and didn’t exercise cos I was too sick.

Skip to now and I’m back where I started weight wise and panicking it will affect me or baby during pregnancy/birth. I was thinking maybe I should wait and try it again later but I’m 34 and starting to worry about that supposed ‘fertility drop’ at 35. I’d like to have two children.

Also, my partner and I have used no protection for years other than (excuse the crassness) pulling out method. I worry that there may be something wrong if in all those years I never once got pregnant. You hear all these stories of people using that method and having unplanned pregnancies but it’s never happened.

Any advice or something to soothe my mind would be great as I’m currently spiralling and stress probably won’t help!

Thanks, that’s so helpful! My cycles were perfectly regular like you could set your watch by them! Only last two days usually with minimum fuss, they’ve been a little off schedule since I had the covid jab but generally regular.

I didn’t know that either re diet while pregnant! Thanks that’s good to know! My mum is actually an ex-midwife (retired for a few years now) and i wanna ask her all this stuff but I want her grandchild to be a surprise!

Start TTC now, you can still eat healthily and exercise while pregnant if you do conceive, if you don't conceive straight away then getting healthier will help with that goal.

Do you have any of the signs of PCOS like irregular periods, facial hair etc as that could mean you are more likely to be insulin resistant. PCOS can affect your ability to conceive, it can also make it harder to lose weight as you need to be very careful about carbs.

@Art3miss

I have been following a diet and exercise plan but I think added stress with work and lack of sleep and also working from home for nearly two years has probably had an effect (i.e. not moving as much in the day even though I do fit in exercise)

I’m not morbidly obese but obese according to NHS BMI. When i started my plan i lost a little weight but it was more inches i lost rather than weight so don’t know how useful BMI is to go by these days!

I think BMI is not perfect but it is a useful indicator and if you are obese on BMI then probably it wouldn't be a bit idea to lose a little if you can.

But also, don't make it all about that. Make it about getting healthy and feeling good, in preparation for pregnancy. You want your body to be as happy and healthy as possible as it's going to be someone else's home for 9 months!

You should go for it
I was trying a long time and gained moweight during that time
I am now obese and pregnant but still glad that I got pregnant as it was not as easy as I'd hoped
Start trying and keep working on yourself in meantime

Work on your attitude. I didn’t ask for diet and exercise advice, i asked whether I should CONTINUE what im already doing and wait to TTC or just go for it, as im worried about waiting because of my age. I have been through two family deaths this year and three last year, the stress and grief has been unbelievable. It has knocked me off kilter both mentally and physically, so just trying to make a point of be kind. You don’t know what people are going through. Just have a thought before saying things.

The pull out method works for loads of people though it’s no good if you definitely don’t want a baby. So don’t worry because you haven’t conceived yet, you weren’t trying.

I’d start temping, it’s so simple and gives you an insight into your cycle and when you ovulate. I did that and didn’t bother with ovulation sticks, though lots of people find those useful as well.

You’ve got a goal in mind to keep you on track with healthy eating and general self care. Pregnancy is a marathon and the better shape you’re in to start with the easier it can be. You can carry on with a sensible plan once you’ve conceived and aim not to put on much weight. Pregnancy, delivery and life with a newborn will be easier if you’re closer to a healthy weight and fit and healthy.

You’re not old and you’re not that big, be optimistic. Eyes on the prize so stick with what you’re doing as you know it’s working and get to know your cycle well so ttc doesn’t feel like you’re going in blind.

Very best of luck

I was in the same boat, best laid plans and all that! Got pregnant with a very high BMI, lost 2 stone whilst pregnant (not intentionally it just fell off) and kept it off. Still have some to lose but I have my beautiful daughter and it all worked out well in the end. You fertility is already in decline OP so if you want two kids get cracking and in the meantime take up a bit more exercise.

Oh yeah also we have always used withdrawal method with no problems, I also have one ovary, I had no problems conceiving.

I’m not bothered about being fat but we’d loosely TTC for a while with no success so I went on a very low calorie diet (probably about 400 calories a day) lost around 10kg in about six weeks and with ovulation scans then conceived as I have PCOS and the weight loss triggered ovulation.

I went onto have three children in three and a half years and have regained the weight since my third child as you’d expect.

I would continue trying to conceive but I’d also aim to lose weight as if you need to pursue fertility treatment at any point these usually have weight cut offs.

Sorry @Art3miss , you seem to be getting a hard time here. It's just a bit of weight, not a measure of your morality and worth. You do you.

I'd just get your prenatal vitamins and crack on. Eat well and take exercise etc.

If you get pregnant, just try and keep it steady. I found it easier to eat for two despite wanting to exist solely on baked potatoes and oranges (and disgusting cheap sausage rolls but managed to fight that craving).

The motivation of ttc might be enough to keep you losing weight or you might just be a person who is a medium to large over a small to medium.

I've spent my whole life starving myself and punishing myself to the point where my hair started falling out and my periods stopped. I only achieved a medium size. There's lots of research emerging about gut microbiomes impacting on weight. Waist measurement is important but you'll know if you are mostly healthy if a bit overweight.

Some really good advice here OP, wishing you all the best.

What I would suggest though is that you get your GP to prescribe you 5mg of folic acid.

You need more than the usual dose to prevent NTDs as being larger can stop your body synthesising it effectively.

If your BMI is near/over 30 then you definitely need it and need to be on it for a minimum of a few months for it to build up in your system.

Hi OP, what is your BMI if that isn't too personal of a question?

My BMI was 35 exactly when I fell pregnant with my first and I was gutted as I wanted to lose weight before getting pregnant too (losing weight is all we were waiting for really). But it was absolutely fine. In my trust "high risk" care based on weight starts at a BMI of 35, anything below that, although still "obese" or "overweight", is just normal midwife-led care - with the addition of the glucose tolerance test to check for gestational diabetes as slightly higher risk (but gestational diabetes can happen to anyone, regardless of pre-pregnancy BMI). So, I don't think the risks are THAT elevated for a BMI between 30-35.

I lost 30 lbs in the first half of my pregnancy with my son, and then gained 20lbs of it back in the second half, and was then lighter than when I got pregnant a week after giving birth. I wasn't trying to lose weight during pregnancy, but I did keep an eye on eating healthily (including enough fats) and made sure I continued to exercise (swimming felt amazing).

BTW my advice is to go for it. You can continue exercising and eating healthily in pregnancy

I was classified as obese before i got pregnant with both of my kids. We used pull out method for years before having dc2 and i only ever got pregnant when i intended to. Tbh i didnt flap about my weight whilst pregnant, i lost 6st after dc1, granted in the following 6years i put 3st back on but then i lost another 5st after dc2 and im the lightest ive been since i was a teen!

It sounds like if you waited until you lost weight them you'd be waiting forever.

Thanks so much, those words are really kind. It’s been a constant battle my whole life between weight and mental health so that really meant a lot!

A few of the later replies from people seem to be saying that they went for it and just carried on trying to lose/staying healthy throughout pregnancy so I think I’ll just aim for that.

Had to take a break from reading some of the comments earlier today as it really got me upset. But thanks so much for your kind words it means the world.

That’s so good to know! And well done you! It’s hard to focus on the big picture so this really helps!

Hi, I’m around 36 I think so the higher end but I don’t LOOK obese if you know what i mean, sure overweight but not obese.

I’ll just keep doing what im doing and hopefully get pregnant and continue into pregnancy! Thanks!

@Art3miss

Hi, I’m around 36 I think so the higher end but I don’t LOOK obese if you know what i mean, sure overweight but not obese.

I’ll just keep doing what im doing and hopefully get pregnant and continue into pregnancy! Thanks!

Yeah, I mean, I guess it depends how much you want to get pregnant right now and how rushed you feel.

If you're not in so much of a rush, then it would be better for both you and the baby to bring it down a bit, as 36 would be a high risk pregnancy.

As others have said, you can be this weight and still have a perfectly fine pregnancy, but it just increases the risk.

They recommend that once you actually get pregnant you shouldn't be actively trying to lose weight.

So if you are TTC now then I guess you need to think are you happy to be pregnant at the weight you are, or are you going to lose some first? Even 2 months of a healthy lifestyle and exercise could bring it down to below the "high risk" level.

It's completely up to you really though. Good luck whatever you decide.

I wouldn't worry about it too much. I'm classed as obese and had also never been pregnant so was worried about fertility. I got pregnant twice (35 and 37) on the first try. I don't believe that fertility falls off a cliff at 35 as every woman in my family has fallen pregnant late 30s or early 40s going back generations. I've had no issues related to my weight through my pregnancies (I'm 25wks with my second) but I feel far worse with the second pregnancy as I'm a lot bigger this time.

@Art3miss

Hi, I’m around 36 I think so the higher end but I don’t LOOK obese if you know what i mean, sure overweight but not obese.

I’ll just keep doing what im doing and hopefully get pregnant and continue into pregnancy! Thanks!

When I was pregnant my BMI was 31 at the booking in appointment. I had to have an extra chat with a midwife about healthy eating, and was scheduled early for the glucose tolerance test. That was the only real difference, but I could have avoided it by being only slightly lighter, i.e. BMI of 29 or below.

The “cut off” for being able to use the midwife led birthing unit was a BMI of 35 at 28 weeks. It didn’t end up being an option for me anyway (I had gestational diabetes) but if that’s something you want to consider, that was the cut off point where my weight would have led to options being limited for me.

I do agree that weight loss is so much more about diet than exercise. Exercise is great, obviously, it’s good for you but I have (and still do!) fall into the trap of thinking it’s going to be enough, or make a big difference on the scales and it doesn’t.

My BMI was 33, consultant led but no extra scans. Didn’t put on much weight while pregnant, back to pre-pregnancy weight within a week. 7 months later still trying to lose weight but that’s another story! It didn’t affect my pregnancy or birth.
BMI of 40+ can’t use MLU at my hospital. You’ll probably have extra scans & a GTT at your BMI.
Just continue to eat healthy & exercise & TTC - I wouldn’t put it off in your shoes (& didn’t!).
Good luck

In your shoes I would go for TTC now and just keep going with your diet and exercise plan in the meantime. Have you tried intermittent fasting? It’s very effective and you’re not really dieting as such. I’ve lost 30lbs of baby and lockdown weight since June by not eating after about 6pm and skipping breakfast. If you can eat low carb as well that’s even better but I’ve been losing weight and still eating brownies in my eating window. Good luck with the baby making!