Don’t read if you’re feeling fragile - black humour.

[Wendyer]

Or possibly not humorous at all, depending how you look at it.

My df died in 2015 and I have his ashes on a shelf in my bedroom.

My dh died in 2017 and I have his ashes on a different, more prominent shelf (under the tv!), also in my bedroom.

(I’ve just realised the presence of two lots of earthly remains in my bedroom might sound grim - it’s quite a nice room really I promise!)

Anyway, I have decorators in so I had to clear all shelves in my room today, and put stuff away. Df and dh ended up next to each other in a cupboard which made me smile as they weren’t especially fond of each other.

I had an imaginary conversation between the 2 of them going on in my head:

Df: What are you doing here?
Dh: What are you doing here - this is my bedroom.
Df : I’m in your bedroom?
Dh: Well, you’re in a cupboard in my bedroom to be precise.
Df : Well how long am I going to be here for? And who are these blokes?
Dh: They’re the decorators obviously, I thought even you would’ve realised that, what with the paintbrushes and the paint …

And so it went on (in my head) for quite some time! It was strangely comforting!

One of my great aunts- a rather sensitive sort by all accounts- knitted a little doll of her nan when she died (buried, so no ashes to keep). She kept this up to commemorate many other relatives. It's a big Catholic family and she's outlived pretty much all her own generation, as well as her parents, grandparents, and a plethora of cousins, aunts and uncles. She's just turned 90 and there are a LOT of little knitted dolls lying around the house now.

It should be macabre but, whenever I visit, I'll find great uncle Francis wedged down the back of the sofa or Nana being chewed by the cat. My great-great-grandmother, the original doll, would be 142 on Monday, and she is propped up by the fruit bowl with an excellent view of both the television and out of the window.

Many years ago I had a chat with a consular officer from a European embassy in Africa. There had recently been several fatal traffic accidents involving citizens of her country and since times were rather lean there, the embassy only paid for the repatriation of ashes. But there were no urns available locally - the only ppl using cremation were Indians who didn't use them.

He solution was to buy large tins of baby milk powder - brand called NIDO - and put the ashes in there after dumping out the milk powder. She would then fax the funeral home back in Europe to warn that they had to decant th ashes into a proper urn before the family showed up.

Loving these ashes stories.

I think that's kind of nice! If you can smile when thinking about them that's all to the good. Maybe they wanted you to have a chuckle so put those thoughts in your head!

I’ve been out tonight and come home to lots of lovely messages - thank you :).

I’m glad I made some of you smile, and lots of you made me laugh too. I’m sorry for everyone’s losses but at least they’re still here in some shape or form!

It’s gone quiet in the cupboard for now, df and dh must be asleep … :)

My FiL’s ashes were on a high shelf in the dining room for over 15 years (along with our dog’s and cat’s) until dh and BiL finally scattered him in the sea at a particular place in Dorset last year, where MiL went some years previously.

My DM’s ashes have been on the same shelf since 2015 - I can’t get the family to agree on where to scatter her and DF. Some time ago I asked DBro whether he still has DF’s (he died over 20 years ago). He said, ‘I’ve got something that could be the old man, or it could be the scrapings from the wood burner.’ 😂
(DF would not be remotely bothered.).

Oh. that is actually very funny, as my mind works exactly like that, even sometimes about a deceased family member, although I don't have a persons ashes in my house. I think that if you can be a little lighthearted about losing a partner or parent, helps to keep the memories of them alive, without going into a sad frame of mind all the time.

It just reminded me of when my Father died, way back in 1989, I lived 100 miles away from parents, but went to my Fathers cremation funeral. Back home after, my now late Mum phoned me a week later, and said your Dad's ashes have now been put in the cemetery, and he is in hell, so I started laughing., and my mum laughed as well. But I found out later, that there was a very large area of land in one end of the cemetery, that was used for the burial of little urns of ashes, that was divided up in little squares, cut up to fit the urns in, and it was all in alphabetical order, and my Dad and his little urn, went in the one that was L.

That made me smile, thanks OP.
I lost mum and dad this summer, and prior to scattering them, they were both in my sitting room for a month or so. Mum was an avid soaps watcher (I can’t stand them) and dad loved all things sport. So as a ‘final fling’ I sat through an episode of Emmerdale with mum (had no idea what was going on) and a rugby match with dad. It gave me comfort to imagine them both complaining about each other’s viewing

DH sits on my hearth next to a gnome figurine of his favourite footballer. We decorate him at xmas etc.

Is it just me but I was surprised at the size and weight of the containers of ashes. DM and DF are really big.

None of this delicate little scattering of them more like dumping humongous quantities of them so they are still sitting in a cupboard 10 years later How do other people dispose of their loved one's ashes (DDog soon to be added).

This is one of those threads that makes me love Mumsnet 🙂

@MakeMeCleanTheHouse

Three deaths in last 18 months and we have only scattered one lot of ashes. I'm struggling to deal with it 😩 Your tale did make me smile

I understand what you mean - we only buried my parents' ashes yesterday and they died in the spring of 2020.

Ahhh, I like that. It's nice to think of them as still around.

(My dad died 9 years ago)

These threads about keeping people’s ashes at home are fascinating to me — it’s pretty rare where I’m from, as cremation is not often chosen, and the ashes tend to be buried or scattered fairly quickly, if it is.

These stories make me smile.

Nice thread

@TheCloudBotherer I love the knitted dolls!

Dad’s ashes were scattered on a hillside in a beautiful rural area that he loved near his home. We decided to do that for him as he had said to let the crematorium do it in their grounds, but we were certain that was not to be a bother to us. My first husband and my mum are buried so no dilemma as to where to take them.

Most of my pets are in a bluebell wood at the pet crematorium, but my cat who was the last pet I had with my first husband is in a casket under my bed so he is still near me. I just haven’t felt ready to let him leave me yet and he loved to be in the warm near me, he was never bothered about going out.

I often imagine the conversations family members who have passed away might have and like yours OP they didn’t all get on!

I keep my Mum under the Tele she loved her programmes and always liked the cabinet but I do take her upstairs when her sister visits, she could irritate people even in the after life, Mum couldn't stand her.
Mum was only afraid of being alone so I can't scatter her, she's having to wait for me

I was around at Mums earlier and asked where Dad was. He's in the bottom of her wardrobe surrounded by his golf trophies .
She did her back in lifting the box 🙄

I’m glad to see lots of us still have ashes, I thought I was pretty alone in that especially as people keep asking me where I’ve scattered them.

Df and Dh are both in similar containers but Df’s one is fairly light now - I unintentionally scatter more of his than I meant to in the sea.

When we scattered them, it was March and a horrible day. There were red flags up on the beach (but I can’t imagine who’d have wanted to go in anyway it was so miserable). I wanted to be sure his ashes floated away and didn’t come straight back on the next wave so I had to wade in a bit. I was aware the lifeguards were watching me, and I didn’t want them to think I was a) breaking rules, b) doing something illegal, or c) trying to drown myself. So I panicked a bit and didn’t so much scatter as dump!

I’ve kept virtually all of Dh’s ashes and he’s actually really heavy - he was a tall man anyway. Although their containers are the same size, I have visions of Dh towering over df in their cupboard!

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

@PeterIsACockwomble

I love this, OP. My mum and I used to take her mum shopping with us. Gran liked shopping. We would then sit her in front of Countdown.

Sorry but I've just roared with laughter and woke my Dog up 🤣

My MIL’s ashes live in the study. I don’t chat to her all the time but I do like to like to say hello when I go in. Feels rude not to.

Not quite the same, when MIL was due to be cremated I was with my FIL in the Chapel of rest. They were discussing with the undertaker what clothing MIL would be laid out in before cremation.

FIL holding her hand gently, adamant she had to wear her very expensive fur coat 'I don't want her to be cold'. It took a minute to register but he and I burst out laughing, total uncontrollable tears rolling down. The undertaker bless him didn't know what to do with himself.

On a similar vein, my brother and I were choosing a coffin for our mum to be buried in, the undertakers was silent and solemn. We looked at the range in front of us and both went to the same one and put our hands on it. Undertaker asked were we sure? Yes, it was the darkest one in the room and she had requested the darkest one so the worms wouldn't see her. We were in fits of laughter, actually tears of laughter over this. Undertaker just looked at us like we were mad.