Sorting hoarding of parent after their death

Whatinthelord · 2021-10-27T18:20:54+00:00

This post is probably going to make me sound like an awful person, but it’s a topic I am genuinely worried about and would like advice on. I’ve recently been thinking about funeral plans in general and also specifically with regards to my parents. I’ve asked then what they would want, if they have anything preorganised such as a funeral plan etc. In the course of talking about this One thing I am unclear of is what happens after their death with their belongings if they live in a housing association property? Does anyone know? My parents are hoarders. I’ve tried to help them declutter many times, and stressed myself out massively when I helped them move last year. Basically I did everything for the move and it was horrendous. I spent a lot of time and money getting them into a more suitable property and they did nothing. Will I have to sort through their piles of belongings after they pass or will the housing association empty their home? Ideally I’d like to have nothing to do with it, but I am wondering if I will be expected to clear the house.

Hen2018 · 27/10/2021 19:25

We had a house clearing company for an elderly relative. It was £1000 and left clean and hoovered.

I’m not sure what happens in a rented property.

Original poster

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 19:27

Did they take everything away for the 1K?
Not that I could easily afford that alongside a funeral too, but it’s good to know there are services that will do the job if needed.

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Chicchicchicchiclana · 27/10/2021 19:27

I don't see why you think the Housing Association will clear their hoard?

The HA will ask for the property to be returned empty. There are house clearance companies, you will have to pay them to do it for you. Ask your parents to put a bit more aside for this on top of what they have saved for funerals?

ChimChimeny · 27/10/2021 19:29

Regarding funeral costs there are direct cremation/burial options which are really.cheap (I think hundreds rather than the usual thousands) so.something to consider if money is tight.

Original poster

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 19:30

@Chicchicchicchiclana

I don't see why you think the Housing Association will clear their hoard?

The HA will ask for the property to be returned empty. There are house clearance companies, you will have to pay them to do it for you. Ask your parents to put a bit more aside for this on top of what they have saved for funerals?

They haven’t got anything put away at all… that’s part of the issue. If they had money it wouldn’t be an issue as the cost of clearance would\could come from the estate.

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Original poster

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 19:31

@ChimChimeny

Regarding funeral costs there are direct cremation/burial options which are really.cheap (I think hundreds rather than the usual thousands) so.something to consider if money is tight.

Thanks that’s good to know. For me as well as my parents. Money isn’t hugely tight but I’m not so flash that I can afford to pay for 2 funerals and then a house clearance.

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gogohm · 27/10/2021 19:32

The keys will need to be handed a month or so after they have died so you are right to be concerned. Do they have savings ? If so the costs associated with clearing the house comes out of them not your money.

If they have anything worth money a house clearance company will charge less or even nothing.

It's a horrible job, I've helped friends in the past and dread having to clear my parents house. I would suggest trying to help them declutter on a regular basis and do get power of attorney if possible so if their health deteriorates you can make decisions

persephone19 · 27/10/2021 19:32

My dad died this year and we had the HA property for as long as we wanted it in order to clear it as long as we paid the rent (obviously his housing benefit stopped the Sunday after his death). Yes you'll be expected to clear it. We did it within the month to minimise the weeks we had to pay.

takingmytimeonmyride · 27/10/2021 19:32

This happened with my mum. She lived in an HA property 160 miles away from me. So when she died I couldn't go and clean it out other than take personal belongings (I'm a carer for my son, and also have other children)

The HA have people who clear houses. They cleared it out. I was charged, but could pay monthly (and they wrote it off when I split with my husband and was he on benefits)

I only just had enough money from my mums account to pay for her funeral. And that was only because she'd been in hospital and a car home for months so hadn't been able to spend it on more crap to fill her place.

Sorry you're having to go through this, it's really shit.

AliceMcK · 27/10/2021 19:32

You will probably be able to find somebody to do this for you if you look around. The HA or local council may be able to put you in touch with someone. Or even put a request on your local fb groups for recommendations.

My friends dad use to do house clearances for the council. He had a 2nd hand shop he’’d sell a lot in, the rest he took to the tip. It was a long time ago, but I’m sure there are people still doing these types of jobs.

Newpuppymummy · 27/10/2021 19:35

When my dad died me and my brother had about two weeks to play and clean the flat. His was rented from the council. It was a lot of pressure to get it done while we were grieving. Looking back I think that helped us feel a bit purposeful and also help to face the reality that he was gone.

Original poster

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 19:38

@persephone19

My dad died this year and we had the HA property for as long as we wanted it in order to clear it as long as we paid the rent (obviously his housing benefit stopped the Sunday after his death). Yes you'll be expected to clear it. We did it within the month to minimise the weeks we had to pay.

See this is what I am worried about I cant\don’t want to pay for rent or pay for their house to be cleared. Will I be liable even if I don’t want to take responsibility for it?

For context, this Might comes across as harsh but there is a backstory here, that doesn’t include a loving and happy parent- child relationship. I will obviously sort any funeral arrangements ( as they won’t have sorted anything at all) but I draw the line, mainly for emotional reasons, at clearing and tidying their home. .

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mrsdolittle · 27/10/2021 19:39

Lots of house clearance companies around. The HA will be able to suggest some when the time comes. BUT depending on the level of hoarding it can cost a lot of money. I paid over £2000 to have my mum's house cleared when she went into a care home and we had to put the house on the market (she wasn't the hoarder - my brother was but that's a another story 😐). Luckily she had sufficient money available to cover it. You are wise to be thinking about this now OP

Chicchicchicchiclana · 27/10/2021 19:42

But why should the HA pay?

MrsWooster · 27/10/2021 19:45

I think in the context of the relationship you gave described, I’d be looking into the direct funeral arrangements mentioned above and, when the time comes, handing back the keys to the HA and not involving yourself with the clearing. They will have experienced this before with people with no relatives and why should you have to be dragged further into your parents’ affairs.
You will have plenty to do coming to terms with the impact of unresolved relationship; let the HA do the literal heavy lifting.

Megacervixosaurus · 27/10/2021 19:45

I’ve seen a few people in your situation advertise an “open house day - everything free” on local Facebook pages where anyone can call in and have a root through and take what they want. That might help to get rid of the bulk of it.

EgonSpengler2020 · 27/10/2021 19:46

Just a bit of advice from my experiences as a paramedic. If your parents go in to a care home be absolutely 100% sure that it is a permanent move before throwing any of their belongings away.

I've seen it a couple of times when elderly people have returned to their home from stays in residential care and their well meaning, loving children have caused irreparable damage to the relationship by having already got cracking on the decluttering. It's very sad to see the hurt on both sides.

LucentBlade · 27/10/2021 19:47

I suppose what the real question is if you are legally obliged to do anything at all. Take out any idea of moral obligation. This is the answer you really need. If a funeral isn’t paid for out of an estate and no one comes forward the council are obliged to bury people, a paupers funeral I suppose but legally I’m unsure as to how this works.

DaisyNGO · 27/10/2021 19:48

I'm sorry you're having to face this

Did they move piles of belongings into the current property?

I started gently with my parents, telling them they didn't need till receipts from the 80s.

They had no attachment to a lot of stuff and it could be binned or recycled over a period of years. Any chance of that with yours?

Also, this might sound harsh but if you are paying for the funerals, be wary of the cost. My parents are happy for the minimum to be spent. It isn't confirmed but is likely to be direct cremation.

What's the norm if a person can't leave funeral money, don't the council do a direct cremation?

Just today a friend was freaking out about this for her mum, she paid for a fancy funeral for her dad and she can't pay that again.

DaisyNGO · 27/10/2021 19:50

@LucentBlade

I suppose what the real question is if you are legally obliged to do anything at all. Take out any idea of moral obligation. This is the answer you really need. If a funeral isn’t paid for out of an estate and no one comes forward the council are obliged to bury people, a paupers funeral I suppose but legally I’m unsure as to how this works.

Cross post So much more succint than what I said.

Also, with HA property, it can't be your legal obligation to pay for clearance surely? What happens if there's no rellies? And council can sort out a clearance more easily than you can.

Original poster

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 19:51

@LucentBlade

I suppose what the real question is if you are legally obliged to do anything at all. Take out any idea of moral obligation. This is the answer you really need. If a funeral isn’t paid for out of an estate and no one comes forward the council are obliged to bury people, a paupers funeral I suppose but legally I’m unsure as to how this works.

Yes I suppose if I am being honest I really do want to know if I can just notify the HA of their passing and have nothing to do with the house being cleared or belongings sorted.

I will arrange the funeral and will do so willingly knowing that it will be helpful to people in the wider family.

It’s just the house and belongings I can’t face thinking about.

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Ifailed · 27/10/2021 19:51

Unless they die together, the remaining parent will take on responsibility of the property, assuming they have a joint tenancy. It'll be up to the survivor to sort out?

Soontobe60 · 27/10/2021 19:52

You will not be held responsible for clearing out a rented property unless it was in your name. The landlord may well send an invoice to you, but the cost should come out of the deceased estate. If they have died penniless, then the cost is borne by the landlord.

Wegobshite · 27/10/2021 19:54

You aren’t legally obliged to clear it or do anything if your not on the tenancy

To be honest I would go and take what personal stuff that you want and leave it to the HA
You would have to remove carpets white goods and fittings and if you don’t they can charge you for it .

Honestly let the HA deal with it
If there is no money in your parents estate they can’t take what they don’t have

Original poster

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 19:56

@DaisyNGO I got rid of tons at their last house ( things like 15 x duvets \ 8x landline phones etc). I arranged the van, roped in family to help, paid for carpeting the new home, cleaned the new house prior to them moving.

Anyhow, it’s all been for nothing as the new place (been there a year now) is getting as bad as the last. I’ve been a couple of times and cleared things like rotten food of the kitchen and piles of cardboard boxes to the recycling bin.

However I have drawn a line. I’m helping no more with the house/ hoarding. I’ve found the more I am willing to help with, the less they do. I will only help facilitate them doing things now, rather than doing things for them.

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