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Original poster

Sorting hoarding of parent after their death

58 replies

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 19:20

This post is probably going to make me sound like an awful person, but it’s a topic I am genuinely worried about and would like advice on.

I’ve recently been thinking about funeral plans in general and also specifically with regards to my parents. I’ve asked then what they would want, if they have anything preorganised such as a funeral plan etc.

In the course of talking about this One thing I am unclear of is what happens after their death with their belongings if they live in a housing association property?

Does anyone know?

My parents are hoarders. I’ve tried to help them declutter many times, and stressed myself out massively when I helped them move last year. Basically I did everything for the move and it was horrendous. I spent a lot of time and money getting them into a more suitable property and they did nothing.

Will I have to sort through their piles of belongings after they pass or will the housing association empty their home? Ideally I’d like to have nothing to do with it, but I am wondering if I will be expected to clear the house.

OP posts:

wheresmymojo · 27/10/2021 19:59

My father died when he lived in a HA bungalow.

We were extremely low contact and had been for 20 years.

I didn't get involved in the house clearance at all. No idea what happened but I assume when no next of kin turned up to say anything the Council cracked on with clearing out themselves.

How would the HA even know to contact you?

Original poster

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 20:02

@wheresmymojo

My father died when he lived in a HA bungalow.

We were extremely low contact and had been for 20 years.

I didn't get involved in the house clearance at all. No idea what happened but I assume when no next of kin turned up to say anything the Council cracked on with clearing out themselves.

How would the HA even know to contact you?

I’m hoping this is what happens with my parents. I am now realising that this will be another emotional struggle associated with having a bad relationship with my parents.

My father told me he had put my name as an in case of emergency or next of kin or something like that. I certainly haven’t signed anything though or agreed to fund anything.

OP posts:

DaisyDozyDee · 27/10/2021 20:03

We paid a few hundred for a house clearance company. They view what’s there and estimate what they can sell on etc, so if there are things worth salvaging amongst the junk then the price quoted comes down. The company we used very kindly set aside a box of family photos which surfaced under the piles and piles of valueless junk. Worth every penny to not have to tackle that ourselves.

wheresmymojo · 27/10/2021 20:04

When they contact you as 'next of kin' just say that you're sorry but actually you're estranged.

And that's that.

They can't make you do anything, there's no legal obligation whatsoever.

Original poster

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 20:06

@wheresmymojo

When they contact you as 'next of kin' just say that you're sorry but actually you're estranged.

And that's that.

They can't make you do anything, there's no legal obligation whatsoever.

Thank you, that’s a relief to hear.

OP posts:

wheresmymojo · 27/10/2021 20:08

They might try to guilt you into it a bit but just shrug and stick to the 'we're estranged' line and that will be the end of it.

Honestly there shouldn't be any moral obligation either in our kind of situation.

BrilloPaddy · 27/10/2021 20:11

We had 2 weeks when my Nan died, to clear her bungalow. It was horrendous.

Can you involve SS with them? There are safety concerns if people are making their home difficult to escape from in terms of fire etc.

Winniemarysarah · 27/10/2021 20:15

Op ignore most of the pp’s, they’re talking bollocks. Of course it’s the housings responsibility to clear the property after the tenants died. It’s not fair for them, but you can not be held liable in any for clearing the house or paying for clearance. After your parents have died, take anything that you do actually want and then leave the house for the association.

Winniemarysarah · 27/10/2021 20:17

@BrilloPaddy

We had 2 weeks when my Nan died, to clear her bungalow. It was horrendous.

Can you involve SS with them? There are safety concerns if people are making their home difficult to escape from in terms of fire etc.

I was thinking of suggesting this, if the HA were aware of the state of the house then they would actually force them to act now to start clearing it. The dodgy side to reporting them though is if they didn’t do enough to satisfy HA then they could get evicted

Original poster

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 20:20

@BrilloPaddy

We had 2 weeks when my Nan died, to clear her bungalow. It was horrendous.

Can you involve SS with them? There are safety concerns if people are making their home difficult to escape from in terms of fire etc.

I am trying to push them to look into seeking some care support, as my mum is disabled and my dad her carer. They won’t have it though and I don’t think they’re at the point yet that it could be done for safeguarding. This is a good point though as I don’t think it’ll be long until they’ll lack capacity and\or need safeguarding. .

That just leads to another worry about who will care for them.

OP posts:

Original poster

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 20:24

@Winniemarysarah yea I’m not sure what would happen if reported.
They had an issue with their garden and were given a month to clear it. They did actually clear it. At 5he mo it is a lot of clutter and some fluctuating issues with things like food no being cleared. Not at the level of causing smells or infestations though, so not sure how touch they’d be on that.

My mum is disabled, and my dad her career, so Im not sure if the council would look to evict unless it got really bad, as they had to accommodate my mum somewhere then. I dunno…. Im not sure how it all works when a HA wants to evict a vulnerable person.

OP posts:

Franklin12 · 27/10/2021 20:26

So sympathetic to this situation. I had to clear a parents house (a big house!) when they went to a care home. Thousands and thousands and they had kept most things. They were lazy in the early days and then over the years it became something they just left. Easier to go to someone else’s for Xmas and to just have lunch out.

I was very low contact but had to step in the end. SS will do nothing if they have capacity. We got the fire service round because it was literally a death trap. He completely ignored them. Went to the GP in the end but he told me that the parent had been messing them around, refusing to do anything at all unless it was free etc.

So a few years later I am glad he is living in a safer place. There are companies who will clear houses but he had the funds so it made it much easier.

If I am honest it’s a selfish, self absorbed way of living, expecting others to work around you, dumping yourself on others because your place is such a tip guests cannot visit etc.

I honestly don’t buy the ‘it’s an illness’. They can help themselves but they just choose not to and eventually they get old and really cannot do anything about it so they live in the squalor and mess and get defensive if they are pulled up on it.

Original poster

Whatinthelord · 27/10/2021 20:34

Ah @Franklin12 thank you so much for sharing you experience as it sounds similar to where I am now. I think it sounds harsh to some people, but nice to know that others will get where I’m coming from.

You’re right it is selfish, or it certainly feels that way. Both my parents are, and always have been, for quite complex reasons quite focused on their own needs. Its really hard to think about caring for and doing things for, a parent like that.

I think I’ll be relieved if \when my parents can be cared for. Feels like a ticking time bomb at the mo. They’re just managing but I can see big issues on the horizon.

OP posts:

jamandmarmalade · 27/10/2021 20:49

www.just-clear.co.uk/services/hoarder-house-clearance/

specialist hoarders clearance company

jamandmarmalade · 27/10/2021 20:51

You should explain to your parents that this will need to be paid for from their estate or money given in advance to you but that you are not funding their lifestyle choice yourself.

waddlemyway · 27/10/2021 21:40

Groan. I feel your pain. I visited my Mum and Dad’s house last week for the first time in over two years (thanks covid) and I almost had a panic attack sitting there of an evening looking at it and thinking about I might go about it. There’s valuable pieces and heirlooms hidden among junk and dirt piled up to the ceiling in every room. I’m an only child and an expat. I’m going to have to take months of unpaid leave from work when the time comes. Hopefully my children will be old enough to help rather than get in the way by then.

gobbynorthernbird · 27/10/2021 21:46

My dad's housing association cleared his flat. We had to pay for this out of his 'estate' as he had left a small amount of money, but the HA would have done it if there was no cash. They were also a lot cheaper than a clearance company.

EatSleepRantRepeat · 27/10/2021 21:56

I've been worrying about this too - my hoarder OAP parents are in lots of debt, and take the attitude that they don't need to leave us any money to deal with the expenses once they're gone. I have no idea how I'm going to pay for elderly care for two parents on my own or the funeral of the first one if the second one is still living in their house.

Some for you, it's really shit having to deal with this - it feels like many of their generation have done no financial planning compared to the war generation before them, it's infuriating.

wherethewildthingis · 27/10/2021 21:56

It's not legally your responsibility. If there is no money in their estate to pay for clearance then there is no money. You are not responsible for the tenancy or any of your parents debts or bills. You're also not morally responsible so forget all that and ignore people suggesting it's wrong for the housing association to pay to clear.
Housing associations factor costs like this into their day to day running. Many of their tenants will die in circumstances like this, it's common for them and they won't judge you.
You sound like you have enough to worry about so forget about this.

GoodnightGrandma · 27/10/2021 21:59

You do not have to pay for it, it comes out of their estate. If there’s no money they can’t take it.

GinIronic · 27/10/2021 22:02

You are not responsible for clearing the property or paying for funerals. You can just walk away from it all.

Stripyhoglets1 · 27/10/2021 22:05

You aren't legally liable for rent after they die or for the cost of clearing the house. Your parents estate will need to pay for that.

Franklin12 · 27/10/2021 22:48

Eat sleep. You won’t have to pay for their care. However don’t be surprised if you find they also hoard their money and plead poverty to all and sundry.

If the house is owed by them it will be sold or a charge taken against it to pay for care home fees.

Thefuturestory · 27/10/2021 22:55

Ex housing officer here.

I’d give you the opportunity to clear what you could. Take anything valuable.

Once you’d relinquished responsibility for anything remaining I’d sort out a house clearance. The cost would be charged to the rent account ( as would rent in the notice period).

Income would seek to recover from any estate. In practice it is often written off.

If your parents are hoarding and it’s bad you could make a referral to adult safeguarding/notify HA now so that they can put support in place.

I recently went into a house where tenant and her partner died within close succession of each other. It was horrible to see how they had lived and I wish I’d know in advance so I could have offered support. Whether they took it would have been done to them but allowing property to fall into disrepair would be a tenancy breach so important we can still do maintenance.

Thefuturestory · 27/10/2021 22:59

Reading your latest posts sounds like their is a risk of rats and also fire because of the cardboard.

Tell the Housing Association.

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