Teen Bedtimes….

[ReindeerPoop]

Can I canvas opinions on teen bedtimes please?

Y9 & Y11, what time is bedtime term time and then weekend/hols?

Have a feeling I’m being played!!

Mine are older now, but I think at that age yr 9 - 9:30 term time, but in practice it was 10:00. Yr 11 - no later than us going to bed. So sometimes she would go before but sometimes 11:30. I wish I had insisted on phones downstairs at that age. Ideally I would have only relaxed that rule after gcse exams finished, but it got relaxed before that.

@ReindeerPoop

The PPs that are saying their teens self regulate, do you go to bed and ‘leave them to it’ or are you also night owls?

Thanks again for replies, I’m finding them really interesting!

I go to bed and leave him to it. I used to be a night owl but I’m constantly exhausted these days so try to be in bed by ten. Before covid started he was 14 and I enforced bedtime but during the lockdowns he was much more free range, became nocturnal at one point. When school started again one forced bedtime for the first while to make sure he was getting enough sleep but he’s totally reliable at getting himself up at 7 so I let him decide for himself when he goes to bed and I can sleep knowing he can be trusted to go at a reasonable time.

@ReindeerPoop

The PPs that are saying their teens self regulate, do you go to bed and ‘leave them to it’ or are you also night owls?

Thanks again for replies, I’m finding them really interesting!

My own sleep patterns are fairly erratic. But yes, I quite often go to bed and leave dd to it. Sometimes she goes to bed before me, sometimes after.

I- not one!

Mine used to have strict 9pm bedtimes until they were both about 13 and after that age I let them self regulate, and they both approach it differently, one reads and listens to podcasts, the other stays up late doing college work when he knows he's got a lay in the next day.

I'd say they get it wrong occasionally and my 15 year old 100% needs to go earlier but he will learn.

And yes me and DH stay up till about 11-12 most nights so a fairly late family.

FWIW, my dd always manages to get herself up and out of the house on time for school, she did brilliantly in her GCSEs and she always has tons of energy, so I figure the self regulating didn't do her any harm!

No set Bedtime for my Yr11. I'm usually asleep before him and up and out before he's ready for School so he's more than capable of setting his own limits and has done since he was 10 (yr 6)

For PP yes I tend to be a night Owl as a general rule

@GoingForAWalk

For PP yes I tend to be a night Owl as a general rule

I do too fwiw!

Though I sometimes decide I'm tired and go to bed stupidly early!

DD is a night owl, always has been. She is year 10 now and sorts her own bedtime. As long as she is getting up in the morning, I leave her to it. I go to bed between 10 and 10:30pm, she is usually in her room by then but not asleep. We just lock up and leave her to it. She tends to be listening to a podcast and just doze off so there's no set 'lights out' time. Sometimes she'll go and get a shower at 10:30pm. She catches up on any sleep on a Saturday and Sunday morning! She's got much better at realising when she's tired and having an earlier night or she will have a doze when she gets in from school. When she was younger, she would never admit she was tired until she crashed.

I always think these threads are surprising.

My DC are older now, but when they were in yr 9 and above they regulated their own bedtime.

Mine all did Scouts which finished at 9.30 - this was from age 10 so yr 6. No way they ever went to bed before 10pm on a Scout night. DD did Guides - 9pm finish. She was also in a drama group which finished 9.30, and another for a couple of years when aged 14-16 which finished after 10pm IIRC.

DS played football and training in yr 10-11 was 8-9, a 20 min drive away. Athletics training often didn't finish till after 8pm and he never used to eat before that so again, 9.30pm bedtime would have been impossible.

I think it is important that teens learn to self-regulate - wrt bedtimes as well as lots of other things. Guidance is useful; even now, if my 18yo were still up on the X box at midnight, and I knew he needed to get up the next day, I might suggest bed. But tbh that's unlikely. Because he knows that he needs to sort himself out.

I should add, as a leave them to it parent, I am a real night owl and 11.30pm would be a really early bedtime for me. We also eat later than a lot of people, I know (see comment re athletics and other sport too for that matter)

Mine are y11, so whatever time they want in the holidays and slightly earlier than us weekdays.

We go to bed and leave them to it in the holidays. They are 15.5 so can self regulate, of course.

On school nights they will go to bed around 10.30 to 11.30, which is just a tad earlier than us, but in the holidays anything goes.

I have Y9 and Y11 DSs, neither have a set bed time at all, they are old enough to make that decision themselves. They are usually asleep by about 11 in the term time, not sure in school holidays but often they are asleep before me. I usually go up to bed about 1030 and watch a bit of TV. Sometimes I can hear them awake but they are in their rooms relaxing by that point.

We've never had an issue at all, if they are tired they'll go to sleep earlier but I don't have to tell them. If I know they have a busy few days coming up I would remind them to try and get some early nights.

I should have said it definitely makes a difference if they are sporty or have other hobbies. Both mine have played cricket since they were around 7. The matches in the week finish around 830pm so they have always had to have later bed times. Eldest DS also has a hobby which finishes as late as 11pm plus travelling time after.

My teens never had a bedtime. They just went to sleep when they were tired. I genuinely cannot remember if it was ever an issue but they all did well at school so probably not .

I’m surprised at this having been a teen with no bedtime, staying up all night on the laptop on MSN I used to fall asleep on messenger in the early hours of the morning then fall asleep in school.
I am hoping my teens will be less daft then me but if not I’ll definitely be trying to organise some sort of bedtime!

The rule here is no phones after about 9pm ( they stay downstairs) and in room by 10 on a school night. I don’t insist what time they actually go to sleep, although I think it’s usually by 10.30.
At the weekends whatever time they like-usually after Match of the Day finishes.

I was a kid who never really had a bedtime and I used to go to sleep really late in a school night and be tired all the time. It contributed to depression and I did badly in school. I don’t personally think all teens are that good at self regulation.. they don’t dont need strict rules about bedtime but they do need guidance.

I have a 17 year old and a 14 year old.

17 year old has severe autism and learning difficulties, so not ‘usual’ teen bedtime. She is in bed by 8, and has radio/light patterns on for wind down time.

14 year old (year 10) goes up to bed at 9pm term time (screens all left downstairs). I do ‘lights out’ at 9.30-9.45ish, but if she is having trouble getting to sleep then she can read extra/do some colouring etc.

We have to get up at 6.30am in term time, and she knows she needs her sleep, so no quibbling from her at all (in fact, she will often go up/want lights out a bit earlier).

In school holidays it’s a bit more relaxed, but not up excessively late - she’ll often go up around 9.30, with lights out at 10ish. It may be later.

My eldest is in yr 8, although one of the youngest in her year group. Both DC (10&12) go up to bed at 9pm.

12yo stays awake much later and reads, but it's no devices after bedtime here. 10yo reads and is asleep within 15 minutes.

Really useful thanks all.

For info it’s 10pm for y9 termtime weekdays and 11ish weekends/hols (occasionally push to midnight)

Y11 it’s 11ish termtime weeknights and pretty relaxed about hols and weekends

Y9 thinks this is an absolute travesty though!

That sounds completely typical for those ages, OP.

Ds is in year 8 (nearly 13yrs). He's an early bird, always up between 5 and 6 no matter what time he goes to bed. He doesn't like staying up late, usually 8-8.30 during school and pretty much the same during holidays/weekends too. He doesn't tell his mates that though! We've actually tried to encourage him to stay up later when he hasn't got school but he just can't do it.

Mine's Y10 - term times he's off screens by about 9 and I try to get him into bed by 10, although he has recently reverted to wanting a cuddle and a chat at bedtime so it's sometimes a bit later. He doesn't have his phone once he's in bed.

Weekends/holidays I try to get him 'processed' (i.e. shower or proper face-wash - he needs me to stand over him to make sure he actually looks after his skin - and teeth cleaned) by about 10.30-11 so that I can go to bed, but then leave him to it as long as he's quiet and doesn't take the piss.