Kids parties - why are people so cheeky?

[latte101]

It's my DS's party in a couple of weeks. I've had four parents ask can they bring younger siblings! Wtf is this about?! There's 28 coming already! I'd never dream of asking!!

[MayorGundersonsDogRufus]

It's not cheeky to ask a question, OP. They are not 'expecting you' to do anything - they asked you a question. You can always say no.

[careerchangeperhaps]

I have no idea. On the very rare occasion I've had to take a sibling because DH was working etc., I've kept them sat with me doing colouring / reading stories etc. and brought a packed lunch / tea. They understand that Big Sister / Little Brother is the one invited to the party and not them, and they've been fine with this. I wouldn't dream of expecting the host to accommodate them as well.

[Blossomandbee]

It's not cheeky, not everyone has childcare. Mine have been invited to a lot of weekday evening parties over the years and I've had to ask to bring a sibling as DH is still at work. Ive always checked it's ok and made it clear I don't expect them to be fed or provided for in any way. Most the other parents do the same.

[Wroxie]

If parents are expected to stay, I would feel a bit mean about (effectively) excluding those whose parents have the fewest resources - these are the ones who are asking to bring siblings, the ones who are single parents or whose partners have to work at the weekends or who have no other support or can't afford childcare.

It's possible that the children of these parents already miss out on things through fault of their own, just due to their family schedule and possible family finances, so I would personally be happy to shell out a bit more money for their siblings. But I suppose if you absolutely can't afford it then that's a hard decision you'll have to make.

[BFrazzled]

The thing is, if you are inviting the whole class and do a standard party in the hall with bouncy castle it is nothing special to your guests. They likely have it every weekend, it quickly turns into chore to buy presents and go. Of course they cannot be bothered to go through loops and source childcare for siblings. I did such parties too but I was under no impression that my party is some special event for which only a guest child can come.
If you want something special and intimate do it for a few guests (you don’t have to invite every friend they know - seriously, your 4 years old has 20 close friends?!) and you likely won’t be bothered by siblings either.

[Autumnleaves4]

Depends on age and if being dropped off or not, if dropped off which I would say 5 is the first year people do this, ie) once they are school age then fine you can so no siblings, if you expect parents to stay then siblings should be allowed, otherwise what so single parents do with their other children.

[Franklyfrost]

I don’t have a problem with it. Kids parties aren’t fun for the adults that have to stay. Even less fun if you’ve had to pay for a babysitter. Just buy an extra bag of crisps and provide a jug of water. If you’ve invited nearly thirty odd kids a couple extra doesn’t make any difference.

[MaggieFS]

OP, I am in agreement with you, but I don't understand why it's put you off for the future? Why can't you just say, 'no, sorry'.

Excluding any cost factors, having more or smaller (or bigger) children around would change the dynamics and that's not fair on the birthday child or intended guests.

[OnceUponAThread]

@latte101

And when we've had parties to go to my DH and I have always split it. He or I will take DS and the other will look after DD. There was an occasion where he was away so I arranged childcare for DD so I could take DS to the party. It would just never cross my mind to ask.

Well I'm not sure you can have it both ways. If people can't drop their kids then some will have to ask whether bringing siblings is as option.

• what about single parents who can't divide and conquer?
• what about families where one parent works at the time of the party, so the other one has all the kids then?
• what about families with more than two. If two kids have separate commitments then one parent is going to have to bring a smaller child
• what about mums that are still breastfeeding and / or can't leave their baby

There are thousands of reasons why a parent might need bring a sibling, many beyond their control.

It's a sign of great privilege on your side that you can't imagine what some of these might be. Can you really not imagine a circumstance where your eldest was invited to a party and you had no option but ask to bring the younger?

In any case, it's neither entitled nor cheeky for people to ask if siblings can come. Just as you are totally entitled to say: "no there's no room", or even just "no".

You may find that some of those families then have to decline your invitation because they don't have childcare for the other one, but that's life.

(Kind if like people can have child-free weddings and people with children can decide not to go or that they can't make it)

When people turn up with siblings without asking that is rude and entitled.

[ChrissyPlummer]

Why do parents stay? When I was at school (30-odd years ago), no parents stayed at a kids party. My mum always had a couple of her friends to help supervise but the only parent that stayed was a friend of hers who lived too far to drop, go home and come back again, so she was an extra pair of hands.

[ItsSnowJokes]

@Franklyfrost

I don’t have a problem with it. Kids parties aren’t fun for the adults that have to stay. Even less fun if you’ve had to pay for a babysitter. Just buy an extra bag of crisps and provide a jug of water. If you’ve invited nearly thirty odd kids a couple extra doesn’t make any difference.

But what if half of that 30 brought along a sibling? Suddenly that's a party for 45 not 30 and a huge difference in costs. It's not just 1 or 2 is it?

Like I said earlier in the thread i am private hiring a soft play. I can afford 30 children, no more as it would cost me £10 a head for additional children. The place also has a limit of 40 children so even if parents said they would play what if more than 10 wanted to bring siblings? It would be much easier if people who couldn't get childcare for a sibling declined the invite completely, it is rude to self invite other people to a party.

[sleepingrabbits]

Went to a party yesterday and there were 8 siblings of various ages ( all walking though not babies. ) I think that's a lot for a class party, more food, prizes, party bags. It's a lot and who knows if they asked to come or just showed up.

I spent a fortune on my DS party even though I tried not to and didn't expect siblings to come without being asked.

[sleepingrabbits]

@ChrissyPlummer

Why do parents stay? When I was at school (30-odd years ago), no parents stayed at a kids party. My mum always had a couple of her friends to help supervise but the only parent that stayed was a friend of hers who lived too far to drop, go home and come back again, so she was an extra pair of hands.

I think the last few years with covid there's been less parties and school has been very disturbed. My 5 year old still needs me to stay, to take to the toilet or if he gets upset. I'm not joining in unless necessary b

[MrsSkylerWhite]

My husband worked away from home, no family nearby. Big age gap with ours so I could drop and go. If they’d been closer in age and I was expected to stay, I’d have had to bring both (would have offered to pay, though)

[Pontypandytaxpayer]

I think it depends on why they want to bring the sibling. If they are a lone parent or their partner is at work then I would try to accommodate them.

[purpledagger]

It's when my children were in KS1, we hired a local hall and invited the whole class. Some asked if siblings could come and I've always said it was fine, as a few extra sandwiches and party bags weren't a problem.

If it's a pay per head type party, I wouldn't mind the siblings coming, but would expect the parent to pay.

[Blossomandbee]

@ChrissyPlummer

Why do parents stay? When I was at school (30-odd years ago), no parents stayed at a kids party. My mum always had a couple of her friends to help supervise but the only parent that stayed was a friend of hers who lived too far to drop, go home and come back again, so she was an extra pair of hands.

I agree it was the same when I was at school, but it seems to be different now. Also a lot of parties are now held at soft play venues or similar, which weren't around back then, and there's more supervision needed and potential for accidents and injury.

[Hodibiddy]

Regarding parents staying - here’s my horror story.
Back in the 99’s, my then 7 year old daughter requested a Macdonalds party.
Invites were sent out to her chosen 9 friends.
I also had DS and DD2 and together with cousins the total number of children was 20.
All was going well until one child arrived. With 3 siblings, mum and dad and both sets of grandparents.
Talk about awkward as all the children sat down to eat, together with the whole family.
I honestly was gobsmacked. As I tried to intervene and usher them away from the party table, they asked the Macdonalds host to get them burger and fries as they were part of the party!!

I told the host if they wanted food I WAS NOT paying for it. This also included the siblings food.

Talk about stress!
They were highly offended and said they’d never frequent McDonalds again.
My DD had a great time. 🎂

[BFrazzled]

surely, every parent to primary schools children receives on average something between five and ten invitations to such mass parties a year. So while the party might be exciting for you as the organizer It is not very exciting for the guest parents. It is all the same, run of the mill, bouncy castle in the hall type of thing. People come to make your dc happy, maybe to chat to other parents and give up some other activities they otherwise would have done with both their dc’s. In return they ask you to not tie the other parent with care for the other sibling. You can say no, but honestly I think it would be unreasonable. And where is the cheek in asking?

[MynameisJune]

@Bemoreme21

I'd never dream of taking an uninvited sibling either. I find it hard to believe all these dads are working on a saturday and can't watch the sibling. Also do none of you have a school mum/dad friend that can take your invited DC as well as their own to the party in this instance? People are just so entitled that they can't be bothered to find a solution.

Seriously? My eldest is 5, she still needs a full car seat. How many people with kids do you know have room in their car for an extra car seat? Also she started school last year and was barely there due to Covid, the parents barely know each other yet so no we don’t all have friends we can ask either.

My husband works on the railway, this week he was away from Tuesday until the following Monday. Just because it’s not your lifestyle doesn’t mean it’s not someone else’s.

I’m glad the people I know aren’t judgey arseholes like you.

[BFrazzled]

@Hodibiddy
This is a very weird story but I would have definitely let them eat just out of kindness. Sounds like perhaps it was their only chance of trying McDonald’s/any kind of restaurant possibly?

[DampSquidGames]

I’ve been that parent who had to ask for a sibling to attend and I’ve had numerous siblings attend my DC’s parties.

[Clymene]

@BFrazzled

surely, every parent to primary schools children receives on average something between five and ten invitations to such mass parties a year. So while the party might be exciting for you as the organizer It is not very exciting for the guest parents. It is all the same, run of the mill, bouncy castle in the hall type of thing. People come to make your dc happy, maybe to chat to other parents and give up some other activities they otherwise would have done with both their dc’s. In return they ask you to not tie the other parent with care for the other sibling. You can say no, but honestly I think it would be unreasonable. And where is the cheek in asking?

The party invitation isn't for you, it's for your child. No one expects the other parents to be thrilled

[DampSquidGames]

I’ve also had a complete stranger at a party who I presumed was a sibling. Turns out the mum had dropped off him the Sunday instead of the Saturday.

[winteranimal]

Just replying to those who are asking why my husband can't have the baby and/or take older child to party. Baby is exclusively breastfed and doesn't take bottles so needs to be with me. The party I'm thinking of is this week in half term. My husband is in work full time like a lot of parents are and I'm on maternity leave. It would be absurd to ask him to take a day's annual leave to watch our baby or accompany older child to a party. Older child is 5 and needs a parent.