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Original poster

Kids parties - why are people so cheeky?

209 replies

latte101 · 24/10/2021 20:47

It's my DS's party in a couple of weeks. I've had four parents ask can they bring younger siblings! Wtf is this about?! There's 28 coming already! I'd never dream of asking!!

OP posts:
BlackeyedSusan · 25/10/2021 00:05

I always asked if it was a party where you did not have to pay per head. (Single parent with an allergic child so a four year old needed help with food so they were not sick everywhere. family elderly, abroad or not capable of keeping child safe ) never expect a party bag, alway reciprocate siblings if necessary. (and did a few times )

eg soft play open to public. pay for sibling to go in, buy sibling own food. I used to ask if open to public as well.

sibling is put in pushchair at food time, given own food at other parties.

small school, lovely mums, when they were a biot older I had made enough friends for one to be sent to one of my friends.

BlackeyedSusan · 25/10/2021 00:06

If they had not been allergic/disabled, then I would have dropped and left with pleasure!

TableFlowerss · 25/10/2021 00:20

When I had dc’s party, I invited dc friends siblings because I knew if mum couldn’t get childcare then dc good friends wouldn’t be able to come. I would much rather have 2/3 extra kids than 2/3 less kids that dc really wanted there.

Ours wasn’t any extra though other than food but I done the food so it was fine.

Thursa · 25/10/2021 00:24

They left a number but didn’t answer.

Thursa · 25/10/2021 00:26

@Thursa

They left a number but didn’t answer.
Sorry, don’t know what I did wrong, but that was in reply to Stompythedinosaur.
Stompythedinosaur · 25/10/2021 00:40

@Thursa

They left a number but didn’t answer.
I'd have been furious. What on earth did they say when they came to collect? I can't imagine how they had the brass neck!
Cuntness · 25/10/2021 05:06

@winteranimal

I have a school aged child and a baby. If my child is invited to a party then my baby has to come. I check beforehand that this is OK but I don't have any other options for childcare. When she is bigger I may be able to leave her with my husband but if he's not available then either my child will go to the party with his sibling in tow or he won't be able to go. We don't have family who live near enough to provide childcare. We can't ask them to make a 4 hour round trip to watch one of them for an hour. I would always check first, pay for my additional child where necessary, possibly bring along extra food for her and compensate with a more expensive gift. If someone said no then we would simply decline the party invitation with no hard feelings. I'm not sure what the issue is here - you just say no if you can't accommodate any extra person.
Why can't your husband take the invited child to the party and you stay with the baby?
MissTrip82 · 25/10/2021 05:37

@Bemoreme21

I'd never dream of taking an uninvited sibling either. I find it hard to believe all these dads are working on a saturday and can't watch the sibling. Also do none of you have a school mum/dad friend that can take your invited DC as well as their own to the party in this instance? People are just so entitled that they can't be bothered to find a solution.
Goodness what an unpleasant attitude.

We tend to assume some siblings will need to come as we’re pretty evenly split between military parents and shift worker parents. So it’s not at all ‘hard to believe’ that one parent isn’t available on a Saturday……for months.

I find empathy helps when considering the ways in which others lives may be different from one’s own, rather than rushing to see ‘entitlement’.

ElftonWednesday · 25/10/2021 05:52

There are an awful lot of mums whose husbands don't work weekends, but who still do all the child-related stuff. This could be discussed ad infinitum, but it's a fact. That being the case, all the more reason to include everyone, and not make life more difficult for your friends.

Sounds like a reason not to include everyone, or these men just keep getting a free pass to be lazy fuckers.

Anycolourwilldo · 25/10/2021 06:11

Oh my god. How ridiculous to think it's cheeky. Mumsnet world is so up tight sometimes.
Shit happens, plans fall through, not everyone has childcare. Let the other siblings come if you can. If you can't, just say to drop off the invited kid. No biggie.

SisforSoppy · 25/10/2021 06:26

@ElftonWednesday couldn’t agree more. My husband started stepping up when he didn’t get options. ‘I’m taking DC1 to x party. DC2 isn’t invited, so you’ll be looking after him’. And everyone survived.

HoppingPavlova · 25/10/2021 07:34

I understand it’s hard to get childcare but it is cheeky.

We had a situation once when our eldest went to a pay per head party when they were 4yo. It was at a fun day place and DH and I thought it would be a good day for younger sibling and also doable with baby in pram so we arranged work so both of us had day off (extremely rare).

I took DS in with party group and DH took younger sibling and baby in separately (paying for younger sibling and baby was free). DH got food for younger sibling separately and they sat separately to eat. Only interaction during day was when DH would bring baby over to me if he was taking younger sibling on a ride or doing something with them that was difficult with the pram. Baby didn’t scream/cry/kick up a fuss when with me and my focus was on DS, no one else had to look after or assist him.

At the end when party was wrapping up DH came over to us and we were saying thank you and when DS was given party bag. Younger sibling reached out for one and I said ‘no, that’s for the party people, (older DS) is going to share theirs with you’. It wasn’t at all PA, just simply explaining to a toddler - who didn’t kick off but seemed very happy with my explanation. Party mum then exploded and said how rude we were bringing extra kids to the partyConfused. Was truly weird.

makelovenotpetrol · 25/10/2021 07:40

I've had plenty people ask me, and I've asked once but that was because I was in hospital and so my DH had no choice but to take both children!

InMySpareTime · 25/10/2021 07:49

You could suggest that the Sibling-bringers pair up, so one watches both 5YOs while the other takes both 2-3YOs somewhere else for the duration of the party.
Then everyone is supervised, you don't have extras in the hall and nobody needs to disturb their important co-parents with parenting.

Original poster
latte101 · 25/10/2021 08:11

Wow - really didn't expect this many replies.

Just to answer some pointe...

have never heard of parents just dropping kids off for parties until 10/11 - you learn something new everyday.

The invite was clearly labelled for individual children. It didn't mention anything about leaving the kids.

I also have a baby and she will be in the sling.

I understand about childcare etc but I wanted DS to enjoy party without small ones running round or being told to be careful on the bouncy castle. He's had the last few months of 'careful round your sister' etc.

And to the person who asked why I'm doing a whole class - it isn't a whole class, it's also friends from where we live or clubs he goes to.

And it might just be another 'four kids' but it's another four heads I have to cater for which we hadn't really planned for.

And to the person who said about the tat in party bags - how rude by the way - I don't do party bags, I get books from the works or wherever. And the cake is just a cake.

We've definitely learnt our lesson and won't be doing this next year. He was supposed to have the party last year but with covid we cancelled it.

Like I said - church / village hall is small so this is another reason I'm a little stressed about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
latte101 · 25/10/2021 08:13

And when we've had parties to go to my DH and I have always split it. He or I will take DS and the other will look after DD. There was an occasion where he was away so I arranged childcare for DD so I could take DS to the party. It would just never cross my mind to ask.

OP posts:
Bushkin · 25/10/2021 08:13

@latte101 I’ve it’s not drop and run you’ll always get people asking to bring siblings. You can say no but I’d expect that some of them with then be unable to come.

Round here people would drop at a party like you describe from around 5ish

Original poster
latte101 · 25/10/2021 08:15

[quote Bushkin]@latte101 I’ve it’s not drop and run you’ll always get people asking to bring siblings. You can say no but I’d expect that some of them with then be unable to come.

Round here people would drop at a party like you describe from around 5ish[/quote]
I just think it's a little unreasonable to expect the party organisers to look after 20+ kids whilst overseeing everything. He is one of the oldest in the year so others will be 4.

OP posts:
hopeishere · 25/10/2021 08:20

I think on e they are 5/6 drop and run is fine. You need to sort helpers for the party. I hated when parents stayed.

WingBingo · 25/10/2021 08:21

4/5 is a little young for a drop off, I agree.

It does, however, happen way before 10/11.

Bushkin · 25/10/2021 08:23

@latte101 people normal organise helpers for the party- grandparents/other family/ parents you’re friends with

As I said it’s totally up to you, if you can’t accommodate then say no but expect some people to then be unable to come.

thewhatsit · 25/10/2021 08:28

We have been to about 5 class parties so far this year.

I’ve managed to not bring my 2 year old to any of them bar one so far, and at that one I stood with her outside the hall playing on the playground. But my DH and I can’t always both be available on the same Saturday afternoon, especially when they’re almost every week nowadays. One of the next parties I won’t be around so I guess Dh will need to bring them both or we decline the invite.

I would never bring another child without checking ahead first and plenty of people do that (!!) but I think it should be clear why people do bring siblings - they’re not CF, they just can’t leave a toddler at home alone.

AnkleDeep · 25/10/2021 08:31

Around here the invitations say something along the lines of they are sorry but invited child only - no siblings. Then you don't have to say no.

LynetteScavo · 25/10/2021 08:31

If you expect parents to stay, you need to accept younger siblings will come along too. That needs to be factored in to the party when you're planning.

It's easier to off load older siblings on a play date for a couple of hours, but not so easy for a 3yo.

It's not cheeky to ask, it's polite. Cheeky would be to bring a load of siblings without mentioning it first.

I once had a cousin of a party guest pushed through my front door, the mum saying "she wanted to come too" Grin I thought that was a bit cheeky, but they weren't English, and from a more hospitable country.

desperate4spring · 25/10/2021 08:35

I personally don't understand why people feel they can't leave a 5yo at a party...