Kids parties - why are people so cheeky?

[latte101]

It's my DS's party in a couple of weeks. I've had four parents ask can they bring younger siblings! Wtf is this about?! There's 28 coming already! I'd never dream of asking!!

[Doyouknowtheway]

Unless your child really wants one of those kids there (if so allow that parent to bring sibling along) reply to these four parents a)sorry there isn't room for additional children we're already at capacity, sorry or
b)feel free to drop your child and collect at such a time

[PuppyMonkey]

I think the correct protocol in these circumstances is:

“sorry Timmy would love to come but I have no childcare for little brother.”

And then the host can say “oh that’s a shame, see you next time.”

Or…

“Oh don’t be silly, bring little sibling along.”

You don’t just say yes then rock up with the whole family.

[LuluJakey1]

[quote YourFinestPantaloons]@LuluJakey1 don't forget to play Gangnam Style, they go fucking nuts [/quote]
I knew I'd missed something

[MaggieFS]

I think for a village hall party where people wouldn't know how many you've invited, it's not cheeky to ask (obviously it would be to just turn up with the sibling). However it's very easy and absolutely fine for you to say "no, sorry that's not possible due to numbers".

[Heartofglass12345]

I've only done it if it's a soft play party and I've taken their sibling and paid for them to get in, then they usually stay with their dad and have food while I take the other one to the party room. I wouldn't ask if it was in a village hall though especially at the moment, I just would politely decline.

[Bentoforthehorde]

This is interesting. I have 4 dc, we just had a birthday meal out for DC4. He chose two friends, there were 3 very welcome siblings that I planned for with party bags etc.
So for dc4 inviting two friends there was a total of 8 children. I don't ask to bring siblings unless it's someone I know very well and I think it will be alright. Usually either another mum takes mine or we swap so another mum takes mine and that mum's siblings come here to play.

[PeterIsACockwomble]

@KatherineJaneway

They want free childcare

My friends did not want free childcare. They wanted to stay with their small children, and had to bring younger siblings with them because their husbands were at work/they were single parents/whatever reason that was nothing to do with me. They were (are) my friends and they were absolutely not trying to scavenge childcare for an hour. One of the loveliest things about my children's parties was that they were whole class-plus-mums-grannies-nannies-siblings events (admittedly, the whole class was small - but still!)

[Stompythedinosaur]

I don't think it is cheeky to ask, its very common to bring siblings to parties at a hall where it doesn't cost anything extra and you want to parent to stay. Lots of parents don't have an abundance of childcare options.

It is fine to say no, and maybe suggest the parents drop off the older sibling and you watch them so they can have the younger sibling.

[Happilybimbling]

I'm still not sure of the party etiquette sounding siblings!
I was quite surprised when I was trying to organise my 5 year olds birthday as a couple of the parents asked on the Whatsapp group if they could bring little siblings, I thought that's fine as they didn't need food but would technically count in the head count.
But then loads of people started asking and as Id said yes before I couldn't then say no. By the time the party came, the numbers had nearly doubled and I didnt know if older siblings expected food so ended up doing loads!
However, when other people have organised parties, Ive turned up with my youngest and DH and felt that I shouldn't have/only one with DH there (invite said to let host know if siblings were coming which I did).
Now I'm not sure what's expected 🤷‍♀️

[flowers141]

As long as your not paying for them I don't see the issue. I've got a party to go to trampolining through the week. I will be paying for one child to go in whilst the other joins the party. when it's time to eat the non invited child will sit with me. We've also got a bowling party to go to. I do have childcare for this but we have decided to pay to take the other bowling as well at the same time whilst their sibling enjoys the party.

[Flyingsunflower]

I think it's better to ask before than on the day. I have never done pay per head birthday so siblings are always welcomed to my 3DC birthdays without asking and the same parents always invite all 3 of my DC when they have birthdays.

Our weekends are precious so any invitation that come without siblings invitation are declined but we might give a token gift and a card if the kid is always kind to my DC.I am lucky that all my DC aren't bothered if we don't go but I always make sure we do something fun as a family in the weekends.

[stayathomer]

I came in thinking cf but yes I get that sometimes it has to be done but also in the day and age of class parties it's so difficult, because it's a lot of kids already, an extra one or two is more likely 4 or 5 extra in total, back in the 80s or 90s that was the full birthday party!!!!

[StoppinBy]

Not cheeky at all to ask (presuming that most parents would also expect to cover any additional costs and expect that the extra child wont be getting a party bag etc). You can always just say No.

Personally I always assume that there will be a few extras and cater accordingly with food/party bags, throw in a few extra rounds in the pass the parcel etc.

[Viviennemary]

Of course its cheeky to ask. The host will have budgeted and prepared for a certain number. It isn't plus one at kids parties.it puts the host in a very awkward position. If she says yes to one person and then more people ask.

[FliptheThread]

I don’t think it’s cheeky so much as simply a result of the age group. If your eldest is five and you need parents to stay it’s not unusual for them to have younger children and it just goes with the territory.

I have both asked - always specifying that I would pay if it was at venue that necessitated it and that I would provide their food so there was no need for the parent to worry - and have been asked. To be honest after the first time when I realised it was an issue I normally just always invited younger siblings. Made it easier all round because you can plan the party with that in mind.

[SpookyPumpkinPants]

@Heartofglass12345

I've only done it if it's a soft play party and I've taken their sibling and paid for them to get in, then they usually stay with their dad and have food while I take the other one to the party room. I wouldn't ask if it was in a village hall though especially at the moment, I just would politely decline.

To me that's such a shame as I'd far rather have the DC's friend & sibling, than the friend not be able to come.

[MoreThanAnOffDay]

This is why I'm doing a private hire soft play as it's for 150 people.
Altho dd will have about 25 friends /cousins. It's just 1 price.
But I will state the guests get a meal inc. Sibkings welcome but will need to purchase own food. I can't afford to potentially double the numbers in food prices at £3 a head as well as the private hire, party bags etc

[Thursa]

Years ago we had a birthday party at our house. At drop off one family asked if a younger sibling could stay. I apologized and said it wasn’t possible, (due to space, age difference, and a language barrier).

I walked back upstairs to the living room to see the dad lift younger sibling over the fence into our back garden, jump in his car and drive off.

Younger sibling ran riot, spoiled the games, and drank gallons of juice and wet himself multiple times.

Talk about stressful! There would have been words at pick up but they picked up while I was distracted and my husband had answered the door.

[MoreThanAnOffDay]

*siblings

[ColdTattyWaitingForSummer]

Did OP answer on the drop and go? I think that’s the key issue here. I’ve been lucky to have a friendship group with ds2 where kids / parents / siblings are all friends, and there have been many birthdays celebrated with all ages that have been lovely. But generally I’d say if you’re expecting a parent to stay, you have to accept some will need to bring a sibling. If you’re happy for the (invited!) dc to be left? Problem solved.

[sleepingrabbits]

I don't believe everyone's DP works weekends or they are all single parents. I think people just think it's entertainment for their other child. My littlest one would love coming to all the parties with her big brother, but shes not the one invited so I don't take her. Over the last few years she's been once to an outdoor party ( no food.) This was when DH was working away for 2 weeks, but I asked as I knew that there wasn't a much and it was in an outdoor public space. And yes she was a total pain.

[Stompythedinosaur]

@Thursa

Years ago we had a birthday party at our house. At drop off one family asked if a younger sibling could stay. I apologized and said it wasn’t possible, (due to space, age difference, and a language barrier).

I walked back upstairs to the living room to see the dad lift younger sibling over the fence into our back garden, jump in his car and drive off.

Younger sibling ran riot, spoiled the games, and drank gallons of juice and wet himself multiple times.

Talk about stressful! There would have been words at pick up but they picked up while I was distracted and my husband had answered the door.

That takes the absolute biscuit! Did you not have a number to call them? What did they say when they collected?

[PeterIsACockwomble]

@sleepingrabbits

I don't believe everyone's DP works weekends or they are all single parents. I think people just think it's entertainment for their other child. My littlest one would love coming to all the parties with her big brother, but shes not the one invited so I don't take her. Over the last few years she's been once to an outdoor party ( no food.) This was when DH was working away for 2 weeks, but I asked as I knew that there wasn't a much and it was in an outdoor public space. And yes she was a total pain.

There are an awful lot of mums whose husbands don't work weekends, but who still do all the child-related stuff. This could be discussed ad infinitum, but it's a fact. That being the case, all the more reason to include everyone, and not make life more difficult for your friends.

[smellooo]

I think it says more about those who are offended by being asked. I mean just say no! It's hard juggling childcare and most mums and dads I know would not have an issue with being asked or siblings coming along. They also would probably spare a handful of wotsits and a few sandwiches.

Stop being so uptight and be a bit more understanding !

[RoseMartha]

I can see both sides, you could say no or they can come but there is no room at the party table or they will have to sit and watch. I stayed at parties my dc were at where people brought siblings who had to sit and watch. I would encourage the patents to drop them if space is limited.

What I used to find more annoying was people saying they were coming then just not turning up. One party we had I had catered for 20, two text on the day to say kids were ill but I later saw on fb they had gone out together with the mums for the day to a farm park.
And three just didnt turn up after saying they would. A text to say sorry we cant come would have been appreciated.

We only did a couple of big parties, smaller was better.