I feel so inferior

[NelsonMandelaHouse]

I feel so inferior to my sisters.

Both have always been slimmer than me but both seem to have been on an absolute drive in the last year to reach a size 8. Both have managed it. They're both about 5ft 4 and I'm 5ft 8 I'm currently a size 16 and hating it. I stick out a mile and I always feel out of place. I don't have the same metabolism or something, I just can't drop weight like they do. I try, but it doesn't come off anything like theirs does. They both sing, and they both have wealthy husbands involved in finance and impeccably tidy houses and perfectly neatly dressed daughters. I have children who can get clothes dirty whilst getting dressed, a house that can be described as barely organised chaos, an HGV driving husband and I don't sing or anything like that.

And they MAKE me feel inferior. I know them and I know they know they're doing it too. We have a family event to go to in a week. They've been on our WhatsApp group, literally containing just the three of us, talking amongst themselves about the outfits they've bought and how they simply had to send a certain companies size 8s back and get 6s and how they would just DIE of shame if they were in double figure clothes sizes ever again. Apparently they're going to be doing a duet at this event too. "Everyone's been asked to do something" said my mum. Well, I bloody well haven't! Not once have either asked me what I'm wearing (god knows) or what I'm doing (which is nothing)

Nothing I choose to wear does anything except accentuate that I'm practically an ogre compared to them. It's how they've made me feel my whole life. They're the pretty ones and I'm the odd one. They're the ones who ended up with perfect stress free lives and super neat and tidy children, and I'm the one with the ND children and house that I assume is too awful to visit, since nobody does.

I just feel humiliated and dreadful.

What’s the worst that would happen if you didn’t go to the family event?

You sound lovely. There’s a book, apparently stolen from based on a better one here Fwiw I’m bang between you and your sisters size wise and I’d rather have your height.

And mute that WhatsApp group- sounds toxic

My experience is that people who are that keen to tell everyone how great they and their lives are are generally very insecure or are unhappy but determined to project the right image. Being a size 8 or having a wealthy husband really doesn't make any difference to how happy your life is - i know plenty of miserable thin rich people.

You need to learn to tune out or find an ally in the family who you enjoy talking to and largely stick to them during the event. In your position I'd practice my best sarcastic 'Oh well done you, have a sticker'.

Finding something difficult you enjoy getting better at may also be a good way to stop caring so much - a sport, or a language perhaps? I get a real buzz out of carrying a heavy backpack up mpuntains and knowing just how far I can push myself gives me a lot of confidence.

They sound neurotic. I know it’s hard not to compare yourself to siblings. I have 2 sisters too, both of which are slimmer than me. But I wouldn’t say they’re more successful or anything like that than me. Maybe try and change the way you measure success. I am successful because I do the job I want. It pays shite but I worked so hard to get it no one can take the feeling of success away from me.

As for your sisters, ignore them. They’re being mean girls and it’s awful. A lack of understanding and compassion is never attractive.

They're both about 5ft 4 and I'm 5ft 8 I'm currently a size 16 and hating it.

If they're shorter it will be easier for them to reach size 8 as their frames will be smaller. Clothes sizes are pretty meaningless anyway. Focus on maintaining a healthy weight for your own height and stop comparing yourself to your sisters.

@nimbuscloud

What’s the worst that would happen if you didn’t go to the family event?

My brother would never speak to me again. It's his wedding

I'd call them out on the WhatsApp group, then leave it. Life is too short to have to deal with that kind of petty crap.

Go to the wedding and smile and nod. Vent on here all you want. Families can be toxic.

So they have perfect houses, kids, bodies and husbands.
Whoop whoop....
But are they happy?
Do they have a husband who loves them.. the real 'them'?
Do they hug their kids and make them laugh?
Are they lining themselves up for illness later on with their strict dieting?
We are all different.. individual and imperfect.
Some of us are bullies and stick together in numbers cos we are cowards at heart.

Sounds like they can only feel good about themselves by keeping you in your place.

A happy person with a nice house, lovely kids and the voice of an angel really wouldnt care what other people look like. Would you?

They would stil be bitches if they were a size 20. Easier said than done but the only way to not care is to realise you could be just like them and they still would find something to focus on, because it makes them feel good. Unlucky for you they just have a sister to do it to, otherwise it would be a friend, SIL, manager etc on the receiving end.

The ones who care so much about their image and strive for the perfect figure, the best clothes etc caring so much about what others think of them are often deeply insecure.
The fact that they are trying indirectly to make you feel shit shows they're not completely happy with themselves really as if they were happy they wouldn't need to make these comments and compete with each other either.
There's probably something lacking in both of their lives so they're putting on this front. Life may not be rosy but at least I'm a size 8/ can sing/or whatever.
If they were secure in themselves they wouldn't say a thing.
Go to the wedding. Hold your head high and look at them with new eyes.

Just ignore. They have different lives and if clothes sizes are what they worry about, then it’s just an indication of how shallow their lives are. Focus on your family and being happy - if anyone looks down on you it reflects badly on them. I’d rather be friends with someone kind and genuine rather than someone thoughtless and mean (even if they were slim and ‘successful’) - of course some people nice and ‘successful’ (which is good).

It sounds to me that they are just very competitive with each other, but got to be the same size, both got to have x y and a and the houses has to have a b abs c. It sounds exhausting

You are better out of it. I bet you are a much happier person than them, they will focus on competitive non eating at the wedding as they won’t be want to be seen to be eating anything that would put on weight

Them trying to drag you into it shows actually how insecure they are. And no one truly knows what goes behind closed doors, their life might not be as perfect as they are making out.

Ignore them, leave them to their little competition. Use the wedding to enjoy yourself, catch up with family and friends.

They won’t be as they will be watching what each other’s eating to make sure tha

Firstly mute the WhatsApp chat, secondly find yourself something gorgeous to wear to your brothers wedding. If you feel great on the day you will be able to deal with them much more easily. I expect you have a much happier relationship than they do with their husbands. I have noticed that the ones who big themselves, and their lives, up are the ones masking unhappiness. Go to the wedding and have fun and relax knowing you don’t have to perform a party piece 🙂

They sound bloody tedious and self obsessed. You sound like a much nicer, more interesting person.

people who are that keen to tell everyone how great they and their lives are are generally very insecure or are unhappy but determined to project the right image

Remember Michelle Obama saying "when they go low, we go high"

Your sisters do not have your best interests at heart so "go high" by being pleased for them and not noticing that this has anything to do with you.

It really doesn't, you are lovely. Enjoy your brother's wedding, compliment your sisters.

Go high.

In my experience, people who are in competition with others and always trying to prove how wonderful they are are actually insecure and miserable.

What #Cloudyzebra said!

Their husband are probably shagging their secretaries. I wouldn't feel inferior, your home is most probably filled with love and integrity. Forget these toxic people and don't try to compare your lives to them.. Outwardly people might have the perfect lives, but you never know what's going on behind closed doors.

I agree with other posters, people who shout about how happy and amazing they are, whilst putting others down are often miserable and insecure. You sound lovely and your home and life sound completely normal! Rise above it ( and find a gorgeous outfit to emphasise your curvy size 16 figure) 😊 I would slowly disengage from your sisters and their toxic behaviours if you can, nobody need that in their life!

Rather than taking it personally (I know it is hard not to, but bear with me), tell yourself that this is motivated by their feelings about themselves. Happy content people boost others, they do not have to put people down or make digs. If it is about them rather than you it is easier to put it in context. Dont let them see it bothers you - there are people who get a kick out of making others feel inferior. The best way to deal is to not be affected by it and not to get defensive. So if they say something about being a size 8 and expect a comment, just say, that is nice for you. Or if they tell you what you should do, just agree or look thoughtful. I have done this with toxic people and it makes life so much easier.

So they go on WhatsApp and say how they couldn't possibly imagine being double figures in size again, when they know that you are a 16? Why do you feel inferior to them? Because people who tear down other women, especially their own sister, are not decent people. They are shallow. Their lives are shallow. It's all about appearances. Some people can be skinny, wealthy and have all that stuff and be nice people too. But some do it simply for appearance, insecurity and competitiveness.

I'd much rather be friends with you because you sound real! Your sisters could never admit that their children have done anything wrong as it would reflect badly on them. How pressured those children must feel!

You're not inferior to them. You may feel inferior because our society values what your sisters represent. But not being like them doesn't make you inferior. They have fallen into the cookie cutter lifestyle and are nothing but sheep. Be proud of your life and everything you and your family are.

Your sisters sound massively insecure. I'm a short arse who usually wears an 8 but sometimes needs a 6 in some shops. But I don't text my sister to tell her every time...

I'd also rather be taller, size 16 on 5'7" sounds like you are tall and curvy - I bet you look great and they are jealous x

Mute the WhatsApp and consider low contact post wedding.