I feel so inferior

[NelsonMandelaHouse]

I feel so inferior to my sisters.

Both have always been slimmer than me but both seem to have been on an absolute drive in the last year to reach a size 8. Both have managed it. They're both about 5ft 4 and I'm 5ft 8 I'm currently a size 16 and hating it. I stick out a mile and I always feel out of place. I don't have the same metabolism or something, I just can't drop weight like they do. I try, but it doesn't come off anything like theirs does. They both sing, and they both have wealthy husbands involved in finance and impeccably tidy houses and perfectly neatly dressed daughters. I have children who can get clothes dirty whilst getting dressed, a house that can be described as barely organised chaos, an HGV driving husband and I don't sing or anything like that.

And they MAKE me feel inferior. I know them and I know they know they're doing it too. We have a family event to go to in a week. They've been on our WhatsApp group, literally containing just the three of us, talking amongst themselves about the outfits they've bought and how they simply had to send a certain companies size 8s back and get 6s and how they would just DIE of shame if they were in double figure clothes sizes ever again. Apparently they're going to be doing a duet at this event too. "Everyone's been asked to do something" said my mum. Well, I bloody well haven't! Not once have either asked me what I'm wearing (god knows) or what I'm doing (which is nothing)

Nothing I choose to wear does anything except accentuate that I'm practically an ogre compared to them. It's how they've made me feel my whole life. They're the pretty ones and I'm the odd one. They're the ones who ended up with perfect stress free lives and super neat and tidy children, and I'm the one with the ND children and house that I assume is too awful to visit, since nobody does.

I just feel humiliated and dreadful.

You do sound lovely, that was my first thought on reading your post.
Can you imagine what their relationship with eachother must feel like? To constantly worry about slipping and being less 'perfect' than the other one.
You are best off out of it.

Leave the WhatsApp group, or at least mute it.

I might drink heavily through the wedding. Bet you're more fun than the sisters.

Better still drink heavily anc start ripping the piss every time they say 'size 8'

Ditto the suggestion to mute the WhatsApp chat.

@BaronessBomburst

In my experience, people who are in competition with others and always trying to prove how wonderful they are are actually insecure and miserable.

I agree.

Growing up (I'm talking teenage years) I feel like everyone can relate to at least some degree of insecurity? Wanting to be liked etc. Receiving compliments felt so flattering.

Now fast-forward a whole load of years. Easily less attractive now than in teens/early 20s (at an age perhaps most are seeking validation) yet now find it so easy to be complimentary TO OTHERs.

Women supporting women is so lovely. Building eachother up. No longer seeking that validation and secretly hoping you look better etc etc. Seeing the positives in everyone. Accepting your own negatives.

OP - keep them at an arms length. Being nice others probably in selfish way make you feel better. Try to make small changes to keep your home clean etc, you'll feel better for it. (I say this is as someone who at times has lived like a pig but also an immaculate place and currently somewhere in the middle). I have done a quick wipe down of surfaces and hoovered today, now lit a lovely smelly candle. I feel heaps better for it.

Dear OP, if anyone is inferior it is them (although it’s not a concept that should be applied to anyone really). They are so driven by competitive vanity that it’s made them spiteful and shallow.

Fuck that shit. And I wouldn’t want to hear trite, self-satisfied people sing by the way - no real emotion would be communicated.

As PPs have said, buy something gorgeous to wear and embrace yourself at the wedding. And know you have your MN vipers cheering you on

I hope you’re noticing how many posters have picked up how well you lovely you are sounding here @NelsonMandelaHouse
Self aware, self deprecating, focusing on how they’re making you feel, rather than lashing out at them. The default on Mumsnet is to minimise and criticise the op so the fact that you’re not getting roasted is solely down to sisterly solidarity and respect for you. You’ve got this.

Firstly, they sound really insecure.

Secondly, why are you not calling them out on their shit? If they said “oh I’d hate to be double figures” in WhatsApp to me I’d quote it back and laugh at them. Either step away from it completely or stand up for yourself. Don’t let them treat you like shit.

It sounds bloody exhausting being them. Or their kids. Whereas it sounds like your kids get to be who they want to be, in a perfectly normal home, where they are not expected to be instaperfect, and nor is their home.

You sound honest. Real.

Is it just them you feel inferior to, or is it anyone close to you who weighs less, has a talent and is good at keeping their houses and kids clean?

Because other than the 'double figures shame talk', they've done nothing wrong.

Definitely leave or mute the WA group as they sound completely devoid of empathy, but remember the things that are wrong in your life are not their responsibility to change.

Thank you, everyone.

I agree they sound insecure. The fact they're gloating to you just proves it.

I also agree with muting the group conversation. No need to call them out or do anything dramatic, just absent yourself and distance yourself where you can from now on.

Surround yourself with people who don't need congratulations for completely superficial reasons or to denegrade others to feel good about themselves. Your worth is not based on a dress size, your family income or home. I know myself how it feels to feel lacking in comparison to others, but it's really not and nobody who truly loves you, ever loves you for any of those shallow reasons.

Big hug though, becasue I know it hurts.

If you are a compassionate person then you are far more superior than your sisters. For your brother's sake attend your wedding with your head held high, smiling, half-dirty happy children (if children allowed) in tow. Don't engage massively. Greet them and move on to chat to other guests. Whenever you feel down remind yourself you've got your wonderful children, you are a compassionate person, and that matters more than dress size or what the scales say

I've been looking on websites all day to find a dress so I don't look like I'm trying too hard but also so I don't look like a sack tied in the middle.

It's not a formal or super dressy wedding so that's making it a bit difficult. More smart casual.

I can't find anything!! My sisters, of course, have absolutely beautiful dresses (the ones they simply had to order a smaller size of) and they're very pretty and floaty, so I was thinking of something more in a solid colour that doesn't make my hips and arse look monstrous. I can't find anything!!

Maybe post what you're looking for on the Style & Beauty board, they can find fab dresses.

how they would just DIE of shame if they were in double figure clothes sizes ever again

And you are the one who feels inferior?

They are the ones who should feel ashamed of themselves. What a pathetic and shallow thing to say. Are they teenagers? Nobody gives a fuck about a number on a label in the back of a dress.

Post on the Style and Beauty threads @NelsonMandelaHouse. You will get loads of helpful suggestions.

Good luck