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Original poster

Birthday gift for DP's child?

30 replies

TheBeesElbows · 23/10/2021 18:45

My DP has two children. We have now lived together for a few months and they have built up to now staying with us 2-3 nights per week. It's all going really well. DP obviously does all the parenting, but I join in playing with them, we have trips out together, I sometimes read stories, etc. I am very fond of them - they are great kids.

His DD is about to turn one. We have them the evening before/morning of her birthday and we are then going to their mum's for a party, cake, gifts and all that midmorning. Would it be weird if I got her a small birthday gift? Would it be weird if I didn't? DP thinks it's a great idea, but I don't want to annoy their mum. What do you think? If yes, what kind of thing would be appropriate? Was thinking a pull toy or sth like that maybe?

(For context. DP and ex coparent well. Ex and I don't see a huge amount of each other but have met several times and get on well. I would really like to keep it that way, hence overthinking this stuff. And before I get jumped on - I am not the OW. His ex broke up with him early on in 2nd pregnancy - no cheating, etc).

OP posts:
Crinkle77 · 23/10/2021 18:56

I can't be the only person thinking how quickly did your DP split from his ex after the birth of their child?

Anyway seeing as you live together and have the children 2 or 3 nights a week wouldn't you get a joint present with your partner or at the very least chip in to what he is buying?

Crinkle77 · 23/10/2021 18:58

Sorry just seen your last sentence about the split. It still sounds like your relationship has moved very quickly but I suppose that is by the by.

stayathomer · 23/10/2021 18:58

If you get her a present just from you make sure it's nothing huge or showy but I think it's a lovely idea and sounds lovely of you!!

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boomboom1234 · 23/10/2021 18:59

Sounds like a lovely idea. I would get her some wooden icecreams. Real hit still in our house years later.

whosaidtha · 23/10/2021 19:00

Get something to keep at your house and give it in the morning. Mum doesn't need to know unless she asks.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/10/2021 19:01

I think I remember you OP - this is your work colleague isn't it & there were a lot of complications prior to you moving in together & you were advised to run but you didn't listen.

The whole saga sounded messy & implausible.

But your question, sure get the 1yo a gift if you want. They won't know either way.

Burnerphone21 · 23/10/2021 19:03

Wow those kids have had a lot of change to deal with.

Cantstopthewaves · 23/10/2021 19:06

I don't think it's appropriate yet to be added to the gift from Dad.
I'd buy a small gift. Maybe a couple of books.

itsgettingwierd · 23/10/2021 19:06

@Crinkle77

I can't be the only person thinking how quickly did your DP split from his ex after the birth of their child?

Anyway seeing as you live together and have the children 2 or 3 nights a week wouldn't you get a joint present with your partner or at the very least chip in to what he is buying?

I think you probably are considering the OP clearly states that the ex broke up with her DP early on in the pregnancy Wink

I don't think it's weird at all you getting her a gift.

I do find it weird that you and DP aren't getting a joint gift as you live together as partners.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/10/2021 19:07

This is you OP?

DP's children coming to stay for the first time www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4312942-DPs-children-coming-to-stay-for-the-first-time

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/10/2021 19:10

[quote EarringsandLipstick]This is you OP?

DP's children coming to stay for the first time www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/4312942-DPs-children-coming-to-stay-for-the-first-time[/quote]
So what if it is?

SunndyD · 23/10/2021 19:10

I’d get her a gift, it’s not weird… I think it’s normal. Don’t make a huge fuss , ie oh this is from me etc… but give it to DD on the AM of her birthday…. Don’t wait till the party there is no point. Go for a pop up book, or a wooden pull along toy, something small
But used

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 23/10/2021 19:12

I get a gift, but a smallish one, maybe a sound book or a pop up book!

Glad it’s going well!

Crinkle77 · 23/10/2021 19:13

I think you probably are considering the OP clearly states that the ex broke up with her DP early on in the pregnancy

I did acknowledge in my 2nd post that I had missed that last sentence.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/10/2021 19:13

So what if it is?

Nothing really, you're right it doesn't pertain to the question. OP's situation has stuck with me as it was all such a mess, for her, and she was being taken advantage of hugely.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 23/10/2021 19:15

@EarringsandLipstick

So what if it is?

Nothing really, you're right it doesn't pertain to the question. OP's situation has stuck with me as it was all such a mess, for her, and she was being taken advantage of hugely.

Sure, but unless someone is lying or leaving out lots of pertinent information it's bad manners to link previous threads for no reason.
EarringsandLipstick · 23/10/2021 19:17

it's bad manners to link previous threads for no reason.

I know it is sometimes when it's totally irrelevant to the topic but I don't agree so here.

Helpimfalling · 23/10/2021 19:28

OP you sound so bloody caring you really do very sweet natured and sincere

Trust your instincts I think there be rite

Better then anyone can tell you on a thread.

You've got this

IcedCoffeeAlways · 23/10/2021 19:54

@TheBeesElbows A small gift from you is a lovely idea OP 👍🏻 My DS is just about to turn 1 and some things that he loves are books (That’s Not My... range and musical books always go down well), pull along wooden toys, wooden shape sorters, stacking rings and cups.
Personally, I would find it a bit odd if you didn’t get a little gift. You’re their dads partner, you live together and they stay with you a fair amount of time. You’re definitely involved enough to be giving gifts etc 😊 different if you were a new GF that hadn’t met the children or something 😊

scrivette · 23/10/2021 20:00

Definitely get a little gift, it's a lovely idea.

stayathomer · 23/10/2021 20:07

The whole saga sounded messy & implausible.

But your question, sure get the 1yo a gift if you want. They won't know either way.
What an awful thing to say.

Babynames2 · 23/10/2021 20:14

I’d get a present OP, nothing huge though. And give it to her on the morning of her birthday, to keep at yours.

Wow those kids have had a lot of change to deal with

Well not really, the one year old won’t have known any different as the parents split up months before she was even born.

Sarcobaleno · 23/10/2021 20:43

Definitely get a little gift. It sounds like you have a lovely dynamic between households, good on you.

EarringsandLipstick · 23/10/2021 20:48

@stayathomer

The whole saga sounded messy & implausible.

But your question, sure get the 1yo a gift if you want. They won't know either way.
What an awful thing to say.

Why is it awful?

The 1 yo won't know? I wasn't saying it to be awful, just factual.

BananaPB · 23/10/2021 20:53

As long as it's not something flashy like first shoes or first bike then a token gift will be fine imo

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