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Original poster

thoughts on this guy...

33 replies

usernameusehername · 21/10/2021 18:27

In his 30s
Lives with parents (In his childhood bedroom, on his single bed)
None of his own decor or furniture (all selected and paid for by mum)
Doesn’t contribute to bills/food etc
Doesn’t cook, clean, do laundry etc (all done by mom)
Has never done any of the above even when at uni
Works full time but No other responsibilities
Says they're looking to buy a house (but has been saying this for several years)

Thoughts on this person?

OP posts:

Brollywasntneededafterall · 21/10/2021 18:29

Sponging man child? Would likely become sponging cocklodger...

StorminaBcup · 21/10/2021 18:37

Did they move out when they went to Uni or live at home and commute?

I always wonder about parents who allow their offspring to do this - why wouldn’t you support your children to be independent and have life skills? Fair enough if you don’t want to charge rent but to do all their chores too.. 🤷‍♀️

shinynewapple21 · 21/10/2021 18:46

Well he could be working round the clock as an NHS surgeon ..... his living circumstances don't tell us everything about him!!!

We have no idea how much he earns , how well off his parents are etc. Does his mum work? Maybe looking after him gives her reason to her life . Is he saving for a house deposit?

It's all a bit meaningless really .

I do know from experience that a lot of young people are now living at home a lot longer than they did when I was young (1980s)

AmyDudley · 21/10/2021 18:47

I always thought my XH would have been like this if he hadn't met me at 20 - when I met him his mum was still buying all his clothes, toiletries and washing his hair for him, and if he hadn't got married to me he'd have just stayed at home.

He did learn to do laundry, cook, etc. But at heart he always remained a lazy entitled fucker who thought he was doing you a favour if he did a household task, rocked a baby or even made a cup of tea, and would probably have been much happier married to someone who waited on him hand and foot. He never actually learned to ask if anyone else wanted a cup if he was making tea for himself.

Ultimately if people are brought up to think someone else will do everything for you, IMO they don't change, its an ingrained mentality of selfishness.

Brightmagic2021 · 21/10/2021 18:49

Tight

Davros · 21/10/2021 18:52

Jaysus, I thought this was going to be a "show me your November 5th character". Disappointed

Lynne1Cat · 21/10/2021 18:54

It's possible he's saving up to put down a deposit on a place to buy - but he should either be doing his own washing, etc or paying his mum to do it.

Justmuddlingalong · 21/10/2021 18:55

Anyone he takes up with will either have to compete with his DM or step in to do everything she did. Not an attractive prospect either way.

MrsRobbieHart · 21/10/2021 18:55

Sounds like my sister except she is refusing to work. I’m less than impressed.

MrsRobbieHart · 21/10/2021 18:57

@Davros

Jaysus, I thought this was going to be a "show me your November 5th character". Disappointed

😂

coodawoodashooda · 21/10/2021 19:03

That is odd. Does he have a reason?

Waxonwaxoff0 · 21/10/2021 19:05

I wouldn't judge the living with parents as it's very hard to buy a house as a single person nowadays. I'd judge him doing no laundry or cooking and not contributing to bills.

ComtesseDeSpair · 21/10/2021 19:06

If his parents are happy and he’s happy and none of them are anything to do with me then they can crack on.

If you mean “would you date this man?” or similar, then no, I wouldn’t, I’d think he was a saddo.

Original poster

usernameusehername · 21/10/2021 19:07

@StorminaBcup

Did they move out when they went to Uni or live at home and commute?

Went to the local university (about 5-10 miles away) and lived at home.

OP posts:

PicsInRed · 21/10/2021 19:08

Good quality men have drive to seek normal adult independence.

Bellyups · 21/10/2021 19:09

Not worth a second of my (your) time

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 21/10/2021 19:23

My initial thoughts would be that hes a massive loser

Graphista · 21/10/2021 19:24

Hasn't matured mentally/emotionally beyond mid to late teen stage and is unlikely to change much at his age.

I'd judge the parents too. That is not good parenting not ensuring that as an adult he IS an adult and capable of looking after himself let alone anyone else.

They've done him a disservice but at his age he really could choose to change the situation significantly and clearly doesn't want to

coodawoodashooda · 21/10/2021 19:36

@Graphista

Hasn't matured mentally/emotionally beyond mid to late teen stage and is unlikely to change much at his age.

I'd judge the parents too. That is not good parenting not ensuring that as an adult he IS an adult and capable of looking after himself let alone anyone else.

They've done him a disservice but at his age he really could choose to change the situation significantly and clearly doesn't want to

Yeah.

Glitterybug · 21/10/2021 19:37

Id feel sorry for him and wonder why he has never had the confidence or drive to strike out on his own.

AudTheDeepMinded · 21/10/2021 19:38

Beware, he'll be after a replacement parent to move in with.

TheChip · 21/10/2021 19:38

Man child

catfunk · 21/10/2021 19:41

Well he hasn't done or experienced any of the adult responsibilities that a regular person of his age will have.

I have an uncle like that - aged 75 he still lives in his (single) bedroom in his dead parents house. Place looks like a museum and he never moved into their bigger bedroom. He doesn't really know how to do anything.

HollowTalk · 21/10/2021 20:36

My first thought is that he might be nice enough but I certainly wouldn't want to live with him.

Original poster

usernameusehername · 21/10/2021 21:41

In my opinion, his life is pretty much identical to that of a teenager in terms of getting himself ready for work and going to work being pretty much his only responsibilities and only outgoings being car payments and weekend activities (he also buys his own toiletries). He has only just very recently started buying some clothes himself, previously all clothes and shoes bought by mum. He's been WFH and his mum takes his breakfast up on a tray and sometimes collects the tray aswell, all other meals are cooked for him, dishes washed, his room cleaned for him, laundry washed and ironed and put away for him etc, basically everything you would do for a child.
I remember going round there and he had had a bad stomach, he came out of the bathroom, made a comment about it and his mum said not to worry and that she'd clean it up
Another time he was picking his nose which I couldn't help but comment on because I felt really disgusted and his mum asked his dad to get him a tissue, which he did
He gets very defensive/accuses of being "abusive" if it's mentioned, questioned or commented on.
He is a line manager I believe.
He has money saved for a deposit on a house and has viewed several properties including unsuitable properties and areas he would never move to. I wonder if this is just something for him to do at the weekends, which would otherwise be boring.
Doesn't see much of friends anymore probably due to not having much in common nowadays. His friends are all living with partners, either engaged, married and/or with children.
Both of his parents work. He earns more than they do though.
Trying to answer what questions I can remember.

Is it likely this is the kind of person that will just stay living with parents forever and having everything done for them? Or is there a chance they can go on to a have a healthy relationship and "grow up"?

OP posts:

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