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thoughts on this guy...

33 replies

usernameusehername · 21/10/2021 18:27

In his 30s
Lives with parents (In his childhood bedroom, on his single bed)
None of his own decor or furniture (all selected and paid for by mum)
Doesn’t contribute to bills/food etc
Doesn’t cook, clean, do laundry etc (all done by mom)
Has never done any of the above even when at uni
Works full time but No other responsibilities
Says they're looking to buy a house (but has been saying this for several years)

Thoughts on this person?

OP posts:
TenThousandSpoons · 21/10/2021 21:51

Who is this person to you OP, your brother?

takingmytimeonmyride · 21/10/2021 21:53

His life isn't identical to my teenage boys. They can all do their own laundry, wash the dishes, cook dinner for the family, buy their own clothes etc.

One day when they move out (if they can ever afford to) they will know how to live independently, and know that housework is something that everyone who lives in a house does.

I'm not saying they're angels, they do their fair share of moaning about it, but they are all mostly competent at it.

Why do parents think that doing these things for their adult children who live at home is a good idea?

Graphista · 21/10/2021 22:38

You word your follow up post rather oddly in what capacity do you know the family?

Is it likely this is the kind of person that will just stay living with parents forever and having everything done for them?

Yes if they can get away with it

Or is there a chance they can go on to a have a healthy relationship and "grow up"?

There's a possibility they'd make minor changes, a nod to appearing more independent but fundamentally? No they won't change at heart. Too engrained by this age usually

Why do parents think that doing these things for their adult children who live at home is a good idea?

Well it's a type of dysfuntional, enmeshed, co dependent parenting isn't it? There's a similar thread running about an even older chap has his own place but his mother still does most of his chores and life admin for him, has a key to his place and comes and goes as she pleases etc

It can veer in some cases into something known as covert/emotional incest at its worst.

Where the parent and adult child effectively treat and see each other as others would a spouse sans the sex side of things.

It's more common than people realise but is still quite taboo to talk about. It's a form of parental abuse that usually started quite early in the child's childhood

OhWhyNot · 21/10/2021 22:44

Man child

usernameusehername · 21/10/2021 23:03

I’m actually a close friend.
When we were younger I used to think it was lovely/lucky his parents wanted to look after him but once we got to a certain age I started to find this kind of lifestyle a bit Confused, especially the way he reacts when it’s brought up and now we're at the age we're at I really think it's unhealthy. I think it’s getting to the point our friendship is coming to an end as we don't really have anything in common anymore, however it saddens me to think he may never meet someone, have a family, ever move out of the house he was born in etc.

OP posts:
Graphista · 21/10/2021 23:50

If the friendship is coming to an end anyway you've nothing to lose by telling him your concerns if you haven't already

As diplomatically as possible of course but you could well be doing him a huge favour.

In all honesty I wasn't being flip with my comments I think he probably could do with some serious therapy to disentangle this deeply dysfunctional dynamic

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 22/10/2021 00:00

I feel deeply sorry for anyone he ever manages to convince to move in with him. They will just be expected to assume the role of mother and maid.

Industrialwash · 22/10/2021 10:28

I would think he was a loser (I would think the same if he was a woman in the same circumstances, but I imagine that's rarer)

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