Any females out there got a male best friend?

ALongHardWinter · 2021-10-18T20:40:07+00:00

And if so,do you constantly get the 'Are you an item?' question from friends/family? One of my best friends is a man,and I do get a bit fed up with the constant inferences from some people that we must be romantically involved! Why can't some people accept that a man and a woman can be just friends?! I'd be interested in hearing how others in this situation deal with this.

Birdkin · 18/10/2021 21:41

Yes but we’re both gay so people who know us don’t assume that, a lot of strangers think we’re a couple though

EarringsandLipstick · 18/10/2021 21:45

Why can't some people accept that a man and a woman can be just friends?!

Assuming both are straight, I don't think they can be.

Sexual attraction will always come into play at some point, even if it gets dismissed. And each party being in a relationship is relevant too, and also whether you see them as a friend or 'best friend'.

I will bet my last cent on a male / female 'best friend' scenario leading to complications, every time.

Clandestin · 18/10/2021 21:45

Well, I’ve been married for far longer than he’s been my best friend, so anyone who knows me is au fait with the situation. I suppose it’s possible some stranger seeing us out for dinner or a drink might think we were dating, but I can’t say that would bother me.

Mumoftwoinprimary · 18/10/2021 21:50

I had a really close, completely platonic, male friend.

Less than 2 years after describing him as that I accidentally married him….

Oops.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 18/10/2021 21:51

My DH is my best friend

Original poster

ALongHardWinter · 18/10/2021 21:53

We are both divorced,him twice over,and are both sworn off any romantic involvement with anyone for the foreseeable future! He is just not my 'type' in that way,nor me,his. I really cannot imagine us being involved in that way at all!

OP posts:

Original poster

ALongHardWinter · 18/10/2021 21:54

Mumoftwoinprimary

OP posts:

TheRealMrsJelly · 18/10/2021 21:55

Yes. We used to get that a bit when we were younger, but not really now. We've been friends for over 30 years, so maybe people are just used to it, plus I'm married, which might help too.

EarringsandLipstick · 18/10/2021 21:56

@ALongHardWinter

We are both divorced,him twice over,and are both sworn off any romantic involvement with anyone for the foreseeable future! He is just not my 'type' in that way,nor me,his. I really cannot imagine us being involved in that way at all!

That sounds grand now. At some point IMO, one of you will fancy the other, want more, become more emotionally involved.

I think it can be worked through if you genuinely like each other & are willing to have an honest conversation.

However, most of us humans aren't that responsible or rational.

SickAndTiredAgain · 18/10/2021 21:59

Yes. But no one asks if we’re a couple, I’m married.
I’ve known him longer than I’ve known DH, never anything other than platonic, and he and DH get on well.

Stompythedinosaur · 18/10/2021 22:00

I don't but my male dp has a female best friend and business partner, and they get assumed to be a couple all the time.

I don't think there's any harm in it, it is just most common for a man and woman who spend a lot of time together to be a couple.

Clandestin · 18/10/2021 22:02

@EarringsandLipstick

Why can't some people accept that a man and a woman can be just friends?!

Assuming both are straight, I don't think they can be.

Sexual attraction will always come into play at some point, even if it gets dismissed. And each party being in a relationship is relevant too, and also whether you see them as a friend or 'best friend'.

I will bet my last cent on a male / female 'best friend' scenario leading to complications, every time.

That’s not true in my experience. It’s been fifteen years, I’ve been happily married throughout, his marriage has gone sour and ended in divorce and he’s now in a new relationship — there have never been any sexual ‘complications’. Objectively I can see he’s a fairly attractive man, but the same way I can see my little brother is. He presumably feels the same way, or thinks I’m a minger.

HemanOrSheRa · 18/10/2021 22:03

Yes. We are almost 50 years old and have been friends for over 30 years. He is gay and in a very happy relationship, as am I. We used to get 'Awwwww you'd make a lovely couple' when we were in our late teens/early twenties. Though to be fair, due to homophobia in the late 80's and early 90's, I was quite happy to pretend I was his partner to make life easier for him. We are like brother and sister and I adore him .

EarringsandLipstick · 18/10/2021 22:06

I’ve been happily married throughout,

That's one of the exceptions I provided for tho.

If one / both are in a relationship, the boundaries are already in place. Doesn't mean they might not be crossed, but does help at least.

It's where a straight man / woman are not just 'friends' but 'best friends' & not in happy / committed relationships that I feel it's never possible, without at least one frank conversation.

EarringsandLipstick · 18/10/2021 22:07

@HemanOrSheRa

Yes. We are almost 50 years old and have been friends for over 30 years. He is gay and in a very happy relationship, as am I. We used to get 'Awwwww you'd make a lovely couple' when we were in our late teens/early twenties. Though to be fair, due to homophobia in the late 80's and early 90's, I was quite happy to pretend I was his partner to make life easier for him. We are like brother and sister and I adore him

.

But you are both gay! So it's not going to be an issue, in terms of possible sexual attraction between you both.

OldTinHat · 18/10/2021 22:11

Yes. My best friend is male, we did have a thing way back but now we are amazing friends. We share everything, both divorced and single if relevant, he is the first person I turn to and I have so much respect for him. But I'd never consider having a romantic relationship with him, he's too special to risk ruining that.

SirenSays · 18/10/2021 22:16

The majority of my friends are male, including my closest friend who I've been close to for about 15 years. I've had more friendships with women turn into relationships.

HemanOrSheRa · 18/10/2021 22:17

EarringsandLipstick Poor grammar on my part! I'm not gay and my friend didn't come out until well into his/our 20's.

EarringsandLipstick · 18/10/2021 22:19

@HemanOrSheRa

EarringsandLipstick Poor grammar on my part! I'm not gay and my friend didn't come out until well into his/our 20's.

Ah! Fair enough 😀 sounds like a lovely friendship.

(Tho the fact he was gay, even if not out, would have broadly precluded a relationship).

MrsSchadenfreude · 18/10/2021 22:22

Yep, known him all my life, never been anything but platonic. We’ve both been married for 28+ years to other people. Unfortunately his wife can’t stand me, so he doesn’t usually tell her if he’s meeting me for a drink or dinner. It’s a pity, but I don’t know what her issue is.

Animood · 18/10/2021 22:22

It's unusual for a straight man and a straight woman to be besties that's all.

I wouldn't take offence after people thinking you're together. It goes with the territory.

I have found it impossible to be friends with straight guys in the past. Either they like you, or you get drunk and have sex. Most commonly they get a GF or you get a BF and, quite rightly, your focus goes into your romantic relationship.

Something always gets in the way in my experience.

Lightningrain · 18/10/2021 22:22

Yes, my best friend throughout my teens up to late twenties was male and we were never romantically involved. I was always the one he came to for advice when his relationships went wrong but we were always just friends. We’re still friends now even though we’re both in long term relationships but don’t live close to one another now.

We always had the constant questions and assumptions but there’s not much you can do really. Some people can’t grasp the fact that a male-female platonic friendship is possible. We were into the same music/films/sport. It made no difference that we weren’t the same sex.

TheFlis12345 · 18/10/2021 22:27

Yup my best friend of 25 years is male and we are both straight. Met in our late teens but never had so much as a drunken kiss in 25 years despite often being single at the same time. We’re both now married and were each other’s ‘best man’. Our other halves are wonderful, appreciate and accept our friendship without judgment, and totally support it. My BFs wife has been around longer than my DH and has always told me how much he loves me, how happy she is that he has me, and my DH feels the same. I am genuinely saddened by people who think close relationships with someone of the opposite sex always has an angle.

BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 18/10/2021 22:28

My late best friend was a man, and our friendship lasted 26 years before he died suddenly last year.

We were each other's favourite person in the world, we lived together at uni, then on and off over the years. We holidayed together, and were pretty much inseparable. We often shared a bed, and had seen each other naked more times than I can count. We'd also seen each other at our most disgusting 😅

It was entirely platonic. Of course, people who didn't know us very well assumed that we were an item, and it is true that a large number of male/female friendships often turn sexual, or someone develops deeper feelings.

That was never the case for us. We adored each other, but we fought like siblings!

Gwrach · 18/10/2021 22:30

My best friend is male. We are both straight. We have been best friends since our late teens. When we were 17 there was a weird kiss ...but then we friend zoned eachother 🤣. Since then I've had 2 husband's he's had 1 wife. Now we're both divorced again.

But he's my constant, my companion and my best friend. I love him dearly and he loves me too, but there is no sexual tension or chemistry there. Never had been.