Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

List of things to make me happier

28 replies

didihearthatright123456 · 17/10/2021 18:58

I’ve been feeling very low recently. I have 2.5 year old twin girls, and yes I adore them, but they are such hard work.

So I decided to make a list of what I thought would make me happier and it turns out that everything on there is 100% up to me to change my behaviour.

My DH is fab, is great with the girls, does all of the food shopping, and does lots of chores around the house.

The things I have on my list are:-

Eat better
Lose weight (see above)
Take better care of my skin
Be more organised
Stop spending money on coffee & cake (I’m spending a stupid amount on lattes & drinks when I go out with the girls as going out makes me feel better)
Stop buying chocolate - every time I fill the car up I come out with the chocolate bar as I convince myself it will perk me up & give me that boost they I need
Keep my car cleaner - it’s like a dustbin
Keep my house cleaner/less clutter/try and find a “home” for everything.

I very rarely even look in the mirror anymore, I hardly ever buy clothes and then the ones that I do are just baggy shapeless cheap rubbish. I’m a size 16 but aware that I’m creeping up to the next size.

I feel like I’m failing, and that every day I’m just about clinging on. By the time I go to bed I can’t be bothered to cleanse/tone/moisturise.

I’ve also been suffering with insomnia and some nights I can be awake for 3-4 hours.

So how depressing was that read!! I’ve depressed myself even more now 😂

Does anyone have any strategies for helping me achieve these goals? I’ve already downloaded TOMM method and I’m going to give it a go re. the housework.

I feel like I need to completely overhaul my life and give myself a massive kick up the backside

OP posts:
pompomsgalore · 17/10/2021 19:02

I think it's a great list but don't try and achieve everything in one go. Choose one thing and focus on that.

For me I take a glass of water up to bed every night so I drink it first thing in the morning. If I can start the day like that i feel good and it stops me snacking after porridge.

How about buying yourself a beautiful flask for when you are out? You might be inclined to use it if it's beautiful and you'll save loads of money in the long run.

nancybotwinbloom · 17/10/2021 19:48

Swap the chocolate for Atkins chocolate. It's less sugar at least. Or some
Similar brand of you can't live without the chocolate.

nancybotwinbloom · 17/10/2021 19:50

I'm
Not sure how much moistureroser actually works if I am totally honest.

I do have to say though I never apply it. But if I drink three litres of water a day after about a week people always compliment my skin. I can never see a difference myself but it must work if other people notice enough to say

AliceinBorderland · 17/10/2021 19:50

Stop spending money on coffee & cake (I’m spending a stupid amount on lattes & drinks when I go out with the girls as going out makes me feel better)

Hang on what is wrong with that?! You enjoy it. It makes you feel good to go with friends.

It is coffee and cake not heroin!

Keep doing that if it makes you feel good. You need some treats in life.

AliceinBorderland · 17/10/2021 19:51

You're on a mission to lose weight. So stop the constant chocolate. Let the coffee etc be your one treat

Rainbowqueeen · 17/10/2021 19:52

Can you try and rephrase some of the things on your list so it sounds a bit more positive. Eg eat my five a day, have yoghurt and fruit for breakfast 3 times a week

I think the thing that you really need to add is some time to yourself everyday. Toddler twins must be full on. I’d add go for a 20 minute walk by myself every day
To stop with the coffee and cake, is there something you really want but need to save for? Eg a new bag, spa day, clothes. Reframe your list to say, put away x amount for spa day each week instead of spending it on cake. A goal gives you a reason to change the habit
Join the declutter one thing a day thread on here for help with the house
Take a flask and some fruit with you
Lavender on your pillow for the insomnia.
Can you buy petrol somewhere where you can pay by phone or at the pump rather than going in?

ClockWatcher1986 · 17/10/2021 19:54

I don't have any good advice but wanted to say that I'm in exactly the same position but I only have one 2.5yo so I think you're doing amazingly! It's a bloody slog!!!!

didihearthatright123456 · 17/10/2021 20:01

@AliceinBorderland

Stop spending money on coffee & cake (I’m spending a stupid amount on lattes & drinks when I go out with the girls as going out makes me feel better)

Hang on what is wrong with that?! You enjoy it. It makes you feel good to go with friends.

It is coffee and cake not heroin!

Keep doing that if it makes you feel good. You need some treats in life.

100% agree that there’s nothing wrong with it, Unfortunately most of the time it’s on my own. I’m an older mum of twins (41) and all my friends have much older children and work most of the week so I suppose going out for coffee & cake gives me that little bit of social interaction, even if it is with the staff 🤦‍♀️

It’s just become a bit of an emotional crux that’s also costing me a fortune and piling on the lbs xx

OP posts:
didihearthatright123456 · 17/10/2021 20:03

@Rainbowqueeen

Can you try and rephrase some of the things on your list so it sounds a bit more positive. Eg eat my five a day, have yoghurt and fruit for breakfast 3 times a week

I think the thing that you really need to add is some time to yourself everyday. Toddler twins must be full on. I’d add go for a 20 minute walk by myself every day
To stop with the coffee and cake, is there something you really want but need to save for? Eg a new bag, spa day, clothes. Reframe your list to say, put away x amount for spa day each week instead of spending it on cake. A goal gives you a reason to change the habit
Join the declutter one thing a day thread on here for help with the house
Take a flask and some fruit with you
Lavender on your pillow for the insomnia.
Can you buy petrol somewhere where you can pay by phone or at the pump rather than going in?

Time for myself is definitely a thing I need to do, my DH does a lot of running which really helps his mental health. I used to run and really enjoyed it but I’ve got a herniated disc & a compressed disc in my back so high impact exercise really isn’t an option.

You’re so right though I need to think of things more positively xx

OP posts:
Cozytoesandtoast00 · 17/10/2021 20:08

Start with sleep as that is the foundation for mastering all other positive habits.
To sort insomnia
1, get daylight in the morning as near to when you wake up as possible. Have your coffee/tea in the garden?
2, wear blue light blocking glasses (the amber ones) from about 7pm
3 go to bed early and wake up early
4 Go to bed and wake up the sameish time daily
5 Do not eat 2-3 hrs before bed.
6 get some exercise in the morning (walking will do)
7 A good CBD oil before bed (Purelife is good) if you are still struggling to sleep.

This should help you sleep and then any other habits should be easier to implement.

DukeofEarlGrey · 17/10/2021 20:12

If you enjoy the social interaction of coffee-and-cake time, could you just swap it for a healthier option? Like a cup of tea and fruit salad pot, or whatever?

I’ve read that habits are easier to change if you swap them for better alternatives, rather than try to quit altogether.

Good luck OP. Twins are not easy, please give yourself some credit!

pompomsgalore · 17/10/2021 20:35

If you have friends with older kids does that mean you haven't made a new wave of friends who have younger children? I think that will help too. Do you attend any groups?

didihearthatright123456 · 17/10/2021 20:42

@pompomsgalore

If you have friends with older kids does that mean you haven't made a new wave of friends who have younger children? I think that will help too. Do you attend any groups?
No unfortunately the new wave of friends hasn’t materialised.

In the first 12 months going out with twins is so stressful and bloody difficult that we barely made any playgroups and the ones that I did to go weren’t overly friendly or willing to help when I was struggling to walk in with 2 babies.

Then at 12 months old (almost to the day) lockdown happened. I go the the library on a Monday for Shake, Rattle & Roll, Wednesday I run a playgroup at my local church and Fridays they go dancing (I work Tuesdays & Thursdays)

The Monday & Friday activities have only just started so we’ll see xx

OP posts:
TyrannosaurusRights · 17/10/2021 20:56

I get you. I have a 2.5 year old too.

On the skin front, I bought a second set of makeup remover, moisturiser, etc and have one in each bathroom. That way I can take my makeup off and do all the skincare bits while my toddler is in the bath without having to wander off to my bedroom to find all the stuff. I only use cheap ish supermarket type stuff so not a huge investment to double up and now it’s not costing any more.

Fallagain · 17/10/2021 21:00

A lot of that list looks like a to do list rather than things to make you feel better

  • book in some time with DH when he is responsible for the girls
  • see friends more regularly
  • try out something new that you fancy
  • buy some new clothes
  • enjoy coffee in the mornings without feeling guilty
  • try reading before bed
  • listen to podcasts when cleaning
  • try deep muscle relaxation before going to sleep
DampSquidGames · 17/10/2021 21:01

I use nivea Q10, it’s affordable and I like having the whole set matching.
Could you try swapping the chocolate buying for a magazine or other small treat.
Re the car, just tidy it, it will probably only take an hour. Then you can tick it off your list.

DampSquidGames · 17/10/2021 21:04

Could you buy some new clothes, it doesn’t matter if they are a size 16 or 18 at least you’ll feel better. I’m your size and have just bought 5 midi length dresses and feel fab in them. They ranged from £10 to £40 each.

AlbertBridge · 17/10/2021 21:07

You can go out for coffee, etc and get all the interaction, but just have different things. I only have tea, or a black coffee. I refuse to waste calories on drinks unless they're booze! Then I'll just have a biscuit (like a Lotus) or fruit.

Cakes are the calorie equivalent of a meal.

And start by starting ONE self-care habit. So like a simple cleanse/tone/moisturise every night before bed. That'll make you feel better without being overwhelming. Then the feel-good vibes will spread.

I was where you are 2 years ago. Then I joined WW, lost 4.5 stone, overhauled my clothes and hair, and now I feel so much better. It can be done.

You'll be fine. Also I really really recommend the StarPower skin, hair, nails vitamins, from Holland & Barrett. They really lift my mood and give me loads more energy.

AlexaShutUp · 17/10/2021 21:10

Fresh flowers cheer me up no end, OP. Could you get some once a week to brighten up your house?

Nuttymonkey · 17/10/2021 21:15

I would just relax and not worry too much right now, I found I could do more of these things once my young ones were in pre school or school as you suddenly just get a bit more time off from the grueling slog of under 5s!
Maybe have a day to yourself and go and get some clothes that make you feel good, get your hair done, book a facial once a month and just keep in sight that one day soon you will have more time to concentrate on these things as the girls get older

SnowWhitesSM · 17/10/2021 21:24

I agree with the others about changing your to do list to a list of nice things to do for yourself.

I've started prioritising my own happiness. I didn't realise how much I put of DH to make me happy. I have a PT session twice a week, see my friends more regularly, join in on my different group chats, started saying yes to days/nights out that I usually wouldn't bother with.

flowersmakeitbetter · 17/10/2021 21:31

Could you cut the coffee and cake down to once a week? It's an expensive habit and not great for the waistline! It will give you something to look forward to.

I love going for a mooch around the library. Are there any sessions you could do with the children that could give you a bit of interaction?

longtompot · 17/10/2021 22:16

It is a huge list, and if you try to do it all you will set yourself up to fail. These are habits which have occurred over time. It will take a similar amount of time to stop them. One that might help with several things would be not buying chocolate every time you buy fuel. It will help your weight, your skin, and possibly stop a small amount of the rubbish in your car.
Good luck, take each day one day at a time.

CatMonthly · 17/10/2021 22:25

I could have written this list and it’s still a work in progress for me but I wanted to recommend Noom if you can find a good discount offer. You only need it for a couple of months but it has been brilliant for kicking coffee/cake habits and it’s very focussed on self care as a replacement for food cravings. Might be worth a look.

Graphista · 18/10/2021 01:02

It does sound like you're having a stressful time at the moment Thanks

My suggestions are:

Eat better - this doesn't have to mean puritanical and boring! Get in healthy food that you enjoy and you're more likely to eat it. I'm around the same size as you and losing weight at the moment and this week in my Tesco order I put soreen Christmas ginger mini loaves - less than 100 cals but still feel/taste like a wee treat

Lose weight (see above) - see above again! Check out the "LOSE IT" weight loss threads in weight loss chat on here. I've been on them since June when I started and I've lost 1 stone (just over) I've still a lot to lose but I'm very happy with progress so far and the other posters are lovely and positive and supportive. Everyone is losing weight the way that works for them - no judgment. I love it, loads of tips and ideas and recipes exchanged of course too.

Take better care of my skin

You say you feel too tired to do a routine at bedtime - so do it before bedtime, it's not the law! Do it an hour or so before when you're watching whatever you watch before heading to bed?

Be more organised

With little twins I suspect you're already more organised than most! I live alone but am disabled and have various healthy issues but even when dd was still living at home/I was raising her I did the following:

Never leave a room empty handed - there's ALWAYS something that needs put in the room you're going to! This was one passed to me by my mum her place is always tidy and she can always find stuff which I struggled with at times and mentioned to her

Another tip of hers - if you lose something, when you find it put it in the 1st place you looked! (Unless that's impractical/unsafe in some way) THAT is where your brain thinks it is so put it there and you won't lose it again

I've always done a spreadsheet for my household budget inc an SOA (statement of affairs - ALL your income and outgoings inc those that only happen once a year like Xmas averaged out per calendar month), I do a 6 monthly forecast twice a year, takes a couple hours but it lets you see at a glance the rest of the time where you're at and if you can afford x

Spread household chores the big ones through the week - I was finding I was doing certain ones daily BUT others were getting neglected. Partly it was learning to accept that especially when I had a young child and was working full time the place was never going to be all tidy all at once. So I assign each room a day and I stick to that so eg Mondays kitchen, Tuesdays bedroom, Wednesdays bathroom...

I dunno how Tomm works but I'm guessing similar?

Stop spending money on coffee & cake (I’m spending a stupid amount on lattes & drinks when I go out with the girls as going out makes me feel better)

Back to having and sticking to a budget. When times were really hard for me and I really had to tighten my belt I did everything in cash except direct debits and withdrew - to the penny at the counter - how much I had that week and then when it was gone it was gone! Really focuses the mind when it's there in hard cash!

Stop buying chocolate - every time I fill the car up I come out with the chocolate bar as I convince myself it will perk me up & give me that boost they I need

See above

Food wise - carry a low cal treat with you, a cereal bar, mini soreen, small pack of low cal crisps from a multipack at home...

Gum is also good for these moments (sugar free)

Keep my car cleaner - it’s like a dustbin

To start as you mean to go on, and if you can afford it get a valet service! At least to give you a starting point

Reuse carrier bags as car bin bags for the twins and you to use. Get in the habit of clearing it daily

Keep my house cleaner/less clutter/try and find a “home” for everything

Again if you can afford, get someone in to help you Declutter, reorganise and have a "clear the decks" moment to start from.

Daily tidy up once twins in bed (you probably already do) pointless knackering yourself in the day doing it when they will simply undo your work!

I very rarely even look in the mirror anymore, I hardly ever buy clothes and then the ones that I do are just baggy shapeless cheap rubbish. I’m a size 16 but aware that I’m creeping up to the next size'

No matter what size you are, you are a person and you deserve to feel confident and well put together in your appearance - again if you can afford there are services to help you find your style and they give you guidance on what will suit your shape and size.

I used to do similar, buy cheap not very nice stuff partly through low self esteem, partly cos I was "going to" lose the weight soon and didn't want to "waste money" on larger clothes, partly to try and motivate myself into losing the weight

None of that works. What works is getting half decent clothes that fit and flatter and make you feel good about yourself - then you make better choices on eating etc too

I also agree on one thing at a time!

Tackle one thing this fortnight, crack that/make it a habit and then add something else - thats how I did the weight loss too. I started with simple changes that I barely noticed then added on every week or so something else

Good luck

Coffee and cake - you can choose lower cal options too.

If I'm in a coffee shop I usually have earl grey tea no milk with sweetener, choose the lowest cal option from the food/cake that's available

Costa and Starbucks I know have the cals on the price labels in the glass cabinets or on the packaging you could even check on their websites before you go.