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Original poster

Male security at LHR asked my 15 daughter to take off her hoodie when she was travelling alone

243 replies

sofato5miles · 17/10/2021 07:10

Am i over reacting? She was upset. She had a large but thin hoodie on and only a strappy top underneath. No female officers and she was properly unnerved by it. She was flying home alone for half term. She is a shy but capable girl. My gut feeling if she felt uncomfortable it was because something felt wrong. WWYD? Would you make an official complaint?

I have spoken to her about finding her voice before ( though in this specific case, requestiing a female officer). The hoodie was mostly zipped but you could see her straps.

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 17/10/2021 18:51

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule

It isn’t a stretch to imagine that she might not have realised she’d be asked to take off a zipped hoodie. Fgs people can be so utterly...what’s the word... dim sometimes.

She doesn’t need to be talked about as if she’s stupid for feeling uncomfortable in that situation. She’s 15!

Oh God, leave off with your pathetic passive aggressive oooh what can the word possibly be? crap. It’s tedious. She’s 15, she was asked to take her hoodie off in a crowded airport, she had a vest top on underneath which she had chosen to wear. If that’s not a scenario she can cope with, and if, despite flying as many times a year as the OP says she does, she had NO IDEA she might be asked to remove a jacket at security as is absolutely standard policy on most flights, she shouldn’t be flying on her own.
HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 17/10/2021 18:55

It’s not passive aggressive, thanks - I have absolutely no problem saying what I mean straight out. I actually was searching for a word that would be fair.

Yes, she was a bit silly. So she’s learnt and she’ll know for next time. No big deal.

Clymene · 17/10/2021 18:56

There is nothing wrong with her feeling uncomfortable at having to walk through the metal detector wearing a vest top. I can totally understand her discomfort at her age.

Her mum's initial reaction was a bit OTT but she left the thread about 12 hours ago, having conceded that.

The thread's got legs though, I'll give it that!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Flying Holidays
PegasusReturns · 17/10/2021 18:58

We are not shaming her: we are baffled that - having chosen her clothes herself - she didn’t feel comfortable in them!

There’s a fairly significant difference between feeling comfortable in your clothes v being asked to take them off Hmm

GreyhoundG1rl · 17/10/2021 19:13

There’s a fairly significant difference between feeling comfortable in your clothes v being asked to take them off hmm
She was asked to remove her hoody, not strip naked.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 17/10/2021 19:18

Not every teenage girl is comfortable with having nothing but a small vest top on. And there are nuances to it, too - she may feel okay choosing to wear that in certain situations but may not feel okay being asked to take off her hoodie by a man when she wasn’t expecting it. That’s okay. It’s not stupid. She doesn’t need to ‘get a grip’ - she just needs to be aware of policy and then she won’t feel as vulnerable when it happens again. Or she can choose to wear something different next time.

OP has already accepted that her reaction was way OTT.

I think there’s agreement, too, that the security agent did nothing wrong.

PegasusReturns · 18/10/2021 07:32

@GreyhoundG1rl
She was asked to remove her hoody, not strip naked

Is anyone suggesting that is what happened?!

She was asked to removed her hoodie. Many people are body conscious for myriad reasons and would feel uncomfortable removing an item of clothing unexpectedly.

You don’t need, in your hyperbolic example, to be asked to strip naked to feel discomfort.

WeAreTheHeroes · 18/10/2021 07:55

@PegasusReturns - I feel you're being disingenuous here. You stated There’s a fairly significant difference between feeling comfortable in your clothes v being asked to take them off hmm

I know of no one who wears a hoodie as the only garment over their underwear. The only time I can think that would be case would over sports/gym clothes, which have been on show without the hoodie. They're the equivalent of a cardigan or jumper as an extra layer. The OPs daughter should have been more assertive imo if she didn't want what she had underneath on show.

PegasusReturns · 18/10/2021 09:12

I’m not being disingenuous at all. A poster made a snarky comment about how the OPs DD “wasn’t asked to strip naked” as if, unless a woman suffers the most egregious of behaviours, it’s to be ignored as insignificant.

That same poster went on to blame the DD for choosing to wear something she didn’t feel comfortable in. Hence my comment. Ignoring the victim blaming there was no reason to believe the OPs DD wasn’t comfortable in her clothes until she was asked to remove them.

As for your comment on how people wear clothes, speaking for myself I rarely wear a hoodie but when I do I wear it with nothing more than a bra underneath, as I do with sweatshirts (which I wear much more frequently. Although not a zipper hoodie.

StarlightLady · 18/10/2021 09:41

In more general terms, and others might think on this, pre Covid l flew fairly regularly. I have a “flying outfit” section of my wardrobe, no belts, buckles, easy to slip off (for security and in flight), both comfy and practical and something l would be happy with colleagues seeing me in.

I suspect recent events is going to lead to heightened security measures too.

Warning: The underwire in certain Panache bras can set off the metal detectors though.

therespectablecardigan · 18/10/2021 09:41

Why are all of the women who are so uncomfortable being seen wearing a strappy top wearing them, in an airport of all places? Hoodies, cardigans - basically anything with a zip or buttons is considered outerware and even as a non frequent flyer I know that.

As a side issue, I get where @Xenia is coming from, although I think she worded it wrongly.The benefit of the extra security measures is outweighed by the damage it causes to certain groups of society. There is little to no imperial evidence to suggest that these measures prevent terrorism. The Re is more chance of being stung to death by a bee than there is of being involved in a terror attack.

therespectablecardigan · 18/10/2021 09:42

*imperical

therespectablecardigan · 18/10/2021 09:48

*empirical. Autocorrect 🙄

SoupDragon · 18/10/2021 10:14

The Re is more chance of being stung to death by a bee than there is of being involved in a terror attack

Only if you are allergic to a bee sting.

notimagain · 18/10/2021 10:24

There is little to no imperial evidence to suggest that these measures prevent terrorism.

Well that’s a hard theory to prove or disprove unless you are prepared to run a trial where on certain routes you have zero security screening and examine the consequences….

therespectablecardigan · 18/10/2021 10:55

Yes exactly soupdragon, the odds are tiny. Not a risk anyone wants to take of course though.

notimagain yes equally you cannot prove whether the measures are effective, but the government likes to purport that these measure are essential AND that they are keeping people safe, which really isn't an honest claim.

WeAreTheHeroes · 18/10/2021 11:06

The guy was doing his job. It is insignificant. If she felt uncomfortable she should have spoken up - plenty of people around including female security officers.

liveforsummer · 18/10/2021 11:11

@JesterMcFester

Yes at times - they just wand it - just like they wand an underwired bra.

But I've also only had female security offices deal with me when doing this too.

Lots of clothing items have lots of various bits of metal... In fact most hoodies have metal in eyelets and on the end of the hod cord in some cases too. Jeans have metal buttons... bras are often underwired...

It's not just to do with the metal, ohwnrwisr you'd have to remove your jeans because of the buttons etc it's to do with being a big and baggy and you can't easily see if anything is under it. Totally normal. Surely people should have something under a big bumper anyway. Some flights are very warm.
liveforsummer · 18/10/2021 11:36

Victim blaming isn't really relevant here. You're not a victim for being asked to comply with exactly the same things as thousands of others all travelling around you. Majority of tens wouldn't feel uncomfortable in a strapping top as it's a fairly staple wardrobe piece through the summer months and as a layer when colder. The fact the dd does feel uncomfortable is why she needs to rest think her clothing choice in future.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 18/10/2021 11:40

Victim blaming isn’t the correct term it’s true since there’s no victim. However bandying about shaming language and ideas is very relevant - it doesn’t matter whether thousands or millions of other teenagers are perfectly fine and comfortable in strappy tops, it’s still okay for this teenager not to be fine and comfortable with it.

RaskolnikovsGarret · 18/10/2021 11:41

Would she not probably have taken her hoodie off during the flight, possibly in the view of male cabin crew?

Billandben444 · 18/10/2021 11:42

The security guy was also trying to keep the queue moving so might have spoken to her more abruptly than she's used to. I hate this bit of the journey as I always feel rushed and panic I've left something in the tray.

liveforsummer · 18/10/2021 11:45

@HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule

Victim blaming isn’t the correct term it’s true since there’s no victim. However bandying about shaming language and ideas is very relevant - it doesn’t matter whether thousands or millions of other teenagers are perfectly fine and comfortable in strappy tops, it’s still okay for this teenager not to be fine and comfortable with it.
I agree but in this case the teen then does have to modify her clothing if she's not comfortable. Of course we shouldn't have to not wear things we feel good in to avoid being harassed but we do need to follow security procedures in an airport therefore it's acceptable then to suggest people do feel comfortable in what they are wearing under a jacket as it's likely they will have to remove it.
HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 18/10/2021 11:47

Yes of course, that’s a given.

notimagain · 18/10/2021 12:06

@therespectablecardigan

Yes exactly soupdragon, the odds are tiny. Not a risk anyone wants to take of course though.

notimagain yes equally you cannot prove whether the measures are effective, but the government likes to purport that these measure are essential AND that they are keeping people safe, which really isn't an honest claim.

Problem is this is a topic that those in the know can’t discuss in any meaningful detail in places like this.

I like some others used by nature of our work get annual briefs on the threat to aviation and it wasn’t that unusual to come into work and find a security brief (sometimes from HMG, sometimes form other sources)…specific to somewhere you about to fly to/from, especially if you flew worldwide….

On the basis of that IMHO you’d have to be pretty naive to think there aren’t people around who would try to do a re run of 9/11 if screening was removed…