Kiddy Wars

[ExPatHereForAChat]

Light-hearted (kind of!) and just keen to canvas opinions.

I was at a church group a few weeks ago and there were about 20 children all playing with Lego, Duplo, crayons, paper etc. in the middle of the room.

Child A (perhaps aged 3, let's call her Julia) had made a big tower/house building. She was playing with it almost exclusively. She then turned to play with the teddy bear box.

Child B (perhaps aged 2, let's call her Hannah) then took the tower/house building and started to play with it.

When Julia noticed she got very upset.
Both parents saw this.

Hannah's parent offered Julia a different toy but did not tell Hannah to give the building back.

Julia's parents realised this so made it clear the building was taken by saying 'Did she take your building?' and 'I understand why you're upset, you spent a lot of time making that building and she took it from you'.

After a while (maybe 45 seconds of Julia's parent strongly hinting) Hannah's parent took the building from Hannah and gave it to Julia. Hannah then got upset.

So, was Julia's parent right to assume Hannah's parent should have made Hannah give the building back as soon as they saw how upset Julia was?

Ah, you need the wisdom of Solomon.

These are tiny children and each had a fair point of view.

However, as a parent i would have seen it that Julia had moved on and can't hog all the toys. I would have asked her to let Hannah have a turn playing with it.

Both parents should've told the girls to share.

Julia's mom is a bit of an arse.

I’m team Hannah

They're 3 and 2? I wouldn't make them do anything tbh, they're just babies.

@CovidPassQuestion

They're 3 and 2? I wouldn't make them do anything tbh, they're just babies.

No they're not. They're definitely old enough to know how to share.

So the 3 yo constructed a house from paper which the 2 yo then tried to pay with?
I'd have moved my 2 yo because it isn't a communal toy, it's someone's craft activity. I'd have moved the house when my 3, yo got bored

Yo u an come and explain tat to my twins 😂

Only way to solve this is toddler fight club. Last one standing gets the house.

@SylvanasWindrunner

So my child is "Hannah". I came away wondering if I had done anything wrong but am glad to hear the consensus is that my reaction was okay.

Had Julia constructed this masterpiece herself @ExPatHereForAChat before you're child came to destroy it?

Yes, as I say, Julia made it. It wasn't destroyed, just played with. It was made from lego.

Complicated house building Julia has made from lego - Hannah’s mum should have said give it back to Julia or checked if Julia still wanted it

Pre made plastic house toy - Julia has moved on to play with something else, Hannah can fill her boots

Ah cross posted. Yeah sorry in that case I reckon it is “Julia’s” at least until she’s abandoned it for quite a while (sounds like in this case she’d only turned away for a few seconds)

Taking a model another child built is a bit different than playing with a dolls house for instance. Although I think Hannah should have given it back, if I were Julia’s mother I would have just encouraged her to get over it and move on.

If Julia had moved in to another toy, then it's fair game for Hannah to play with

Ah, it's interesting, that for many, the deal breaker is how complex the building was.
As it can't be taken home, I personally don't think this is a factor. The toys don't belong to anyone.
In this case, it was toddler lego/duplo so the "complex masterpiece" was made from 3 separate pieces. Still, obviously a much sought after pieces of real estate!

If child A actually constructed it then she has every right to be upset.

She did fantastically well not to snatch it off Child B and have a tantrum.

I'm surprised Child B wasn't offered similar components to create her own version of Child A's creation. That's what I would have done after giving child A back something she'd lovingly created.

And if it was only made of 3 pieces I'd have quickly made the same construction for Child B to play with.

How can you not see that if a child has created something, like a drawing also using shared pens, or a model using shared plasticine, then why would it be ok for someone else to have it the second they turned their back.

Child B is a bit entitled and seems to be encouraged to behave like that

@ExPatHereForAChat

Yes, as I say, Julia made it. It wasn't destroyed, just played with. It was made from lego.

Oh sorry I thought you said paper.

Then yes it's fair game

I'm team Julia.

Hanna needs to learn she just cant take what she wants - she has to wait till its her turn. Every one has to learn how to wait and be patient.

Julia needs reassuring that she doesn't always have to give things to other people when she hasn't finished with it. this is actually an important life skill for little girls.

I would have actually said to Hannahs parents 'actually she hasn't finished with it yet - can you pass it back'

I have spent a lot of time working with small children and have three kids myself. There is a difference between sharing (eg both children playing together' and another child just 'taking'. Thats not sharing.

And i would have found Hannahs mums slack jawed approach of distraction irritating. I wonder if its Hannah is her mums PFB

@ExPatHereForAChat

Ah, it's interesting, that for many, the deal breaker is how complex the building was. As it can't be taken home, I personally don't think this is a factor. The toys don't belong to anyone. In this case, it was toddler lego/duplo so the "complex masterpiece" was made from 3 separate pieces. Still, obviously a much sought after pieces of real estate!

Ah your hannahs mum. You need to teach your child patience other wise they are going to struggle in school.

Honestly it could have been a plastic fork. It was already being played with - you should have distracted your own child instead of someone elses.