Bitten at school

[spookybitches]

DS started reception this year so I'm still fairly new to what happens in terms of how challenging behaviour is managed at school. I received a call today from the school nurse asking me to come to collect DS as he had been bitten on his back by another child. They wanted me to take him to the doctors to get the wound cleaned, as the bite had broken his skin. I asked how it happened and was told that it was completely unprovoked, DS was sat at a chair and said child wanted to sit in the chair DS was sitting on. When DS said no, that was when he was bitten.

Can I ask any teachers out there what the repercussions would be for this child if he was at your school? And parents, what would you expect to happen? I'm really upset about it as it must've been quite forceful to have broken skin under a polo shirt. Also this is not the first time I've heard about this child's behaviour. DS has mentioned him a few times about how he pushes and kicks people.

I've not heard anything back from the teacher yet as to what their plan of action is, but I would like to understand what to expect and what your opinion would be if you were in my position. Thank you!

@Pigeontown. Full disclosure, I also have an older child with developmental disorder and I can't read the early bit of the thread re exclusions because it makes me too sad for exactly the reasons you and lots of other people have mentioned.

There's a show on now called 'don't exclude me'. I can't watch it as know so many dc being failed just because they can't access the NHS (if they are referred) as wait times years. 3-4 years. Infant school is only 3 years! That's most of primary. Sometimes longer. It breaks my heart.

[quote HelpMeWithMyHip]@Clymene I'm doubting the teacher profession[/quote]
To be fair 'I'm secondary' could mean anything from a year 9 kid to after school cleaner.

@Pigeontown

There's a show on now called 'don't exclude me'. I can't watch it as know so many dc being failed just because they can't access the NHS (if they are referred) as wait times years. 3-4 years. Infant school is only 3 years! That's most of primary. Sometimes longer. It breaks my heart.

It's not the same, but my youngest really struggles with his learning. We highly suspect dyslexia but the waiting list is 2 years to get assessed. For something as simple as a dyslexia diagnosis. 2 more years of struggling and not understanding. We're going to pay and go private. The government should hang their heads in shame.

@HelpMeWithMyHip good luck!

I think most people are blissfully ignorant of how stripped back everything is. That is until they need to access it. I have a friend whose child only got picked up for Dyslexia in Year 8. All those wasted years. She wasn't a trouble maker (sensible bright girl) but imagine for others different story.

You want the truth?

Fuck all will happen unless you really kick up a stink. No matter what "policies" they have in place, just have a read through some aibu posts concerning children being hurt by bullies here and how it's swept under the rug.
The majority of posters receive no satisfactory responses from schools and end up threatening going to governors, calling police or they just simply move schools. There may be cases where the school does do something but we rarely see those tbh.

[quote spookybitches]@HelpMeWithMyHip I just want them to take it more seriously than they have done with this child's behaviour. Every one of my DS's friends refer to him as the 'naughty boy that hits people' so I'm assuming what they've done, if anything so far, hasn't worked. Maybe a talk from the head of year might make him see things in a more serious manner.
[/quote]
Such a shame the children are calling him the naughty kids. Such roles are hard to break out of. Perhaps you need to address this too when you talk the school. 4/5 year olds shouldn’t be doing this.

Until we properly fund education this is what will happen. It's not down to the child with SEN, it's you, me the voters of this country who need to pay more tax and demand that services are properly funded.

It’s very early in the school year, some will have only just turned 4 and many will have some sort of development delay. In many cases the development delay will improve, if it’s speech, emotional, some behavioural. The school do, in my opinion, need to be stopping the naughty boy label for the biter but that isn’t going to improve his behaviour at all, the more included and secure he feels the less biting will occur
These things do happen in reception classes. My son got bitten this week, he cried a bit, the biter got told off, next day they were playing together gain. Last week my son was spitting at someone. The week before that someone pushed him over.
There’s 30 children to 2 adults and I think there should be more staff in reception classes. You don’t know if next time it will be your child that has hurt another so go in gently. Most of these types of behaviour are sorted by the end of reception. It is a bit of shock though if you’re not used to it.

Please don't perperuate the 'naughty boy/girl' label by repeating it at home.
Bad behaviour is communication. That is all.
This child is communicating his frustration. He wanted the chair. Perhaps half an hour previously it had been a chair he'd been sitting in but a 4 year old can't rationalise or negotiate. If there is SEN then even more so. Of course you don't bite to get it. Some people learn that a lot quicker than others. No parent really not even terrible ones teach biting or spirting as a means to get things. But of you can't articulate that then its easy to do as a 4 year old.
There is no such thing as 'naughty children' there are children would havent learnt the skills they need to communicate
(And yes older bullying is in the same realm, because happy well adjusted children don't bully other children... adults same).
Its hard to explain this to a 4 year old but you can all play a part in making sure your children don't label others. These labels stick and become self fulfilling.
I totally totally understand how you feel if your child gets bitten. I really do.

Just to add. You have no idea what this child's lockdown was like. Everyone working with children is reporting extreme delays and regression. Maybe home was stressful and even if not it certainly would have been isolating.

[quote Pigeontown]@User5827372728

My son was aged 6 when excluded. He has no idea why and he fell into a pit of despair thinking he was a very bad boy. No one wanted him. It took 2 years for us to build him back. Btw He is Autistic. No one knew that. School said we were to blame. Bad parenting no not Autism. We know plenty of children older who have been dumped out of the system because no one helped them access support when they were 4, 5, 6 ... there is no support.. not even private.
Excluding might keep your child safe but those children that get dumped often don't turn into happy adjusted adults. So think what you wish for.
Also none of us know how our perfect children will turn out. I hope for your sake in the future if one of your children has a problem, perhaps mental health or illness or whatever that the system is there for you..but don't count on it! We are all in this together and need to be compassionate.[/quote]
I'm so glad that we have a much better headteacher than you do. DS 10, when he was just 5 and in year 1, punched his best friend in the face, completely unprovoked. The headteacher's response was "This would normally result in exclusion, but I've never excluded a year 1 child and I'm not about to start now." He referred him to CAMHS for ADHD assessment, he wasn't diagnosed until year 3. A good headteacher can make all the difference.

How's your son doing now?

When ds was in reception he pushed another pupil out of the line to go to dinner. Wrong yes but in his eyes this child has took his place at the front of the line and he can’t handle not being at the front of the line.

He was diagnosed with autism a few years later and one of his biggest issues has always been with crowds and feeling boxed in so it’s easy to see why standing in line not at the front would have created the issue.

He is in year 7 at a mainstream now and leaves class before others to avoid busy but if they have to line up his place is still the front!

My child bit another child in reception. I was mortified. He was put on the red board for the day, the teacher spoke to me and that was enough. He was 4. He knew not to bite but as someone above said, it was a stress response. He never did it again. Excluding him for a one off incident is a huge over reaction to something that's a fairly normal developmental stage. Some never bite, some grow out of it very early, it takes some longer - mine was a 'biter' (the school incident was the last one, it was pretty hard when he was 2-3 but we knew the triggers so managed them and him.) My youngest was never a biter, same parents, same parenting.
Both my kids have also been bitten by others.

"Most 4 year olds know not to bite. My 2 year old does."

When my son started mainstream reception he was non verbal, didn't understand speech and was functioning at 12 month level. He hadn't been offered a special school place or full time 1:1. There are many other children in mainstream schools with that level of need.
If you are going to be angry direct it at those who choose not to fund send education properly rather than at vulnerable children.

@Sockwomble

"Most 4 year olds know not to bite. My 2 year old does."

When my son started mainstream reception he was non verbal, didn't understand speech and was functioning at 12 month level. He hadn't been offered a special school place or full time 1:1. There are many other children in mainstream schools with that level of need.
If you are going to be angry direct it at those who choose not to fund send education properly rather than at vulnerable children.

I would say that those who choose not to fund education properly are all those who oppose paying more tax, all those who moaned about the National Insurance rise, they are the ones who set the political climate that means we do not have enough tax revenue to properly fund the services we all want.

Education budget are very tight, below what they need to even properly educate the average child, let alone those with any additional needs, but whilst almost all parents will say they want more education spending, virtually no parent will say that they are prepared to pay more tax to fund it.

@TheUndeadLovelinessOfDemons

Thank you... yes he's doing brilliantly.. totally changed. But we fought hard for years to get everything. Some people aren't able to do this. We pulled him out of the other school (who called him naughty, had him on a naughty board- yep terrible for a child!- and then isolation... in year 1 aged 6... that school continues to damage local SEN children so we made the right decision! Head is out of her depth and SENCO has her own personal shitshow but that's a different story!).

I hope one person reads this and thinks hard about how they react. Perhaps offering a word of support to a struggling parent. I longed for that back then. It didn't happen.

Those saying 'most 4 year olds know not to bite'

Your answer is there. Yes they do. Which is why if they are biting and lashing out something else is going on! It is very unlikely to be anyones 'fault'

Thanks everyone for your responses and I apologise for raising what turned out to be such a sensitive subject, it was not my intention at all.

A bit of background that I didn't think was relevant at the time - the family of the boy are from a very privileged background, and the school is a private school. Although this does not signify that all is well at home, the family will most definitely have the resources required at their disposal.

I have been contacted by the head of primary and both children have been put under a care plan in terms of well-being and it was alluded that the boy may be under some form of assessment for additional needs.

The mum of the boy phoned me today and apologised and we have agreed to meet for a coffee and possibly a play date.

I do have concerns about how the children all refer to him as the 'naughty boy', I don't know if that is something they've caught onto the teachers saying or the children copying each other, but I did mention it to the head and she has promised this is something they will look into.

Thank you again for all your responses, it was really helpful to get other perspectives.

Glad it’s on the way to being sorted.

I would guess that the naughty boy has come from another parent and their child has picked up on it and started repeating it in school. Sadly not all parents are as sensible as it seems you have been.

@spookybitches

I'm glad you found a resolution. And hopefully other parents in your class will follow your lead.

Just to say.. being wealthy does help get private diagnoses etc (although even private can take a while) but private schools are notoriously bad for keeping SEN children if they have behaviour issues or need additional support. In my experience they tend to get rid eventually. Partly to appease other families as they are paying. So please be mindful of that. And they're still likely going through a tough time making sense of it all. Being wealthy doesn't stop that. Although maybe they have paid help too.
Best of luck to all your little ones.