How to help a Y3 child remember to bring things home?

[TheWrongReasonMaybe]

She’s 7 (end of july born).

Dyslexic, and has hypermobility. I’ve posted about her on Primary Education (and I’m still considering homeschooling for anyone who saw that thread).

She would literally forget her feet if they weren’t on the end of her legs.

At home we use visual check lists with a picture on. I did her one for school and it ended up in her tray forgotten about.

Even labelled school uniform doesn’t come home so I’m keen to try and help her to remember. The only thing that’s ever made it home after being lost is certificates.. So far this half term she’s lost:

• 6 Pairs of gloves (she can’t do anything with her hands if they’re cold so she takes a pair to school)
• 2 logoed jumpers
• 2 letters that were meant to come home – one of which was about the flu vaccines!
• Her homework exercise book
• An invite to her best friends party
• 1 pair of tracksuit trouser - it was PE day and she was wearing them, even the teachers still baffled how she lost them!

Teacher reminds her to put things in her bag but DD gets distracted or she forgets or just isn’t listening. Teacher will remind again but by that point DDs put whatever it was down and forgotten where.

She can’t read and struggles with writing so nothing too complicated. School will literally try anything at this point.

They have been putting important things in emails to me, but they want DD to be a bit more independent too. It might not be within her capabilities but we want to try.

So tips? Anyone got a forgetful child and found ways to help?

Straight up we never solved the bits of paper! DS is 12 and has more or less got it but junior school was a write off. Also we tend to think of him as being a couple of years behind his peers and you wouldn't expect a 5 year old to manage all this stuff, so DS did need to be helped or he was just being set up to fail.

Practice having a place for things. When gloves come off they only ever go into a particular zipped pocket in the coat, never anywhere else. Gloves don't go out without coat, coat doesn't go out without gloves. You could also tie it to events Eg bell rings for end of break, gloves in designated zipped pocket.

Figure out why she isn't getting things into her bag. Is it that the bag is on a peg and she can't get to it when she has the paper or jumper in her hand? If so perhaps she could either keep her bag by her desk, or have a designated place that's easier to get to (Eg her tray, or an extra tray out on a surface near her). Then when you pick her up you can ask her if she's cleared her tray into her bag, and send her back to do so if not. Basically break down the tasks she's struggling with as much as you can, and give props for the bit that's failing. The problem is often that there is too much executive function needed at the point the child needs to do something with the item, so you need to simplify. Sometimes it's an overload thing, Eg they are given the form as they head out to break and she is trying to juggle jumper, gloves, form, getting a drink, going to the loo, going out to break all together. If they were just given the form and told to put them in their bags right away maybe she'd be ok.

A supportive attitude and remembering that "children do well when they can" goes a long way too. This kind of difficulty can really sap their self esteem.

@MissCreeAnt

Straight up we never solved the bits of paper! DS is 12 and has more or less got it but junior school was a write off. Also we tend to think of him as being a couple of years behind his peers and you wouldn't expect a 5 year old to manage all this stuff, so DS did need to be helped or he was just being set up to fail.

Practice having a place for things. When gloves come off they only ever go into a particular zipped pocket in the coat, never anywhere else. Gloves don't go out without coat, coat doesn't go out without gloves. You could also tie it to events Eg bell rings for end of break, gloves in designated zipped pocket.

Figure out why she isn't getting things into her bag. Is it that the bag is on a peg and she can't get to it when she has the paper or jumper in her hand? If so perhaps she could either keep her bag by her desk, or have a designated place that's easier to get to (Eg her tray, or an extra tray out on a surface near her). Then when you pick her up you can ask her if she's cleared her tray into her bag, and send her back to do so if not. Basically break down the tasks she's struggling with as much as you can, and give props for the bit that's failing. The problem is often that there is too much executive function needed at the point the child needs to do something with the item, so you need to simplify. Sometimes it's an overload thing, Eg they are given the form as they head out to break and she is trying to juggle jumper, gloves, form, getting a drink, going to the loo, going out to break all together. If they were just given the form and told to put them in their bags right away maybe she'd be ok.

A supportive attitude and remembering that "children do well when they can" goes a long way too. This kind of difficulty can really sap their self esteem.

Paper goes in tray, teacher reminds her to empty the tray at the end of the day but she gets distracted by the hustle and bustle or talking or daydreaming so it doesn't happen. Her classroom is in a mobile but bags and coats are kept inside the main school building they don't go back for them, so her gloves go with her round school and get put in her tray, same problem as above...

Sorry my post was so unhelpful.

Can you do a check for everything when you collect her and send her back in for anything lost/forgotten? I’ve done that with my DC and it works. Appreciate only for stuff you know she should have….

The only thing I can think of is for the gloves- could you get her mittens or gloves on a string? The ones where you feed the string through the coat arms so that they stay put when you take the coat off? I'm pretty sure you can get them for all ages now because I have a pair myself 😁

@MissCreeAnt

Sorry my post was so unhelpful.

Your post was really helpful.

I like the idea of tying events.

My ds is now 12 and has just started secondary and has never come home with 2 socks on PE days ( wear football socks for PE so has to change out of normal socks).

At primary I'd wait at the gate, do a bag check and send him back in for lost or forgotten items.

@shreddednips

The only thing I can think of is for the gloves- could you get her mittens or gloves on a string? The ones where you feed the string through the coat arms so that they stay put when you take the coat off? I'm pretty sure you can get them for all ages now because I have a pair myself 😁

Gloves on a string weren't allowed at our primary for potential choking hazard if they fell in to wrong hands so to speak.

Could you laminate pictures of various items and add velcro too them. Then she could have an interchangable list of what she needs to bring home with her?
Works well for leaving the house in the morning too.

Was also going to say gloves on a string. Or fingerless gloves so she doesn't have to take them off?
Would a folder for the paper be easier for her to manage?
Embroider her name into the inside hem of the jumper?

Or sew the gloves to the cuff with some elastic? If they're not too chunky, she can stuff them inside the sleeves if she doesn't want to wear them.

Would some coloured wrist bands help? Pink for the tray? Green for gloves? Etc.

So at the end of the day, she looks at her wrist and can then mentally check off what she's done/got/ forgotten?

Do you meet her yourself after school? I used to do a check of DS's bag when he came out, and sent him back in for anything forgotten. This was practically every day, and it became a good natured daily joke with his teacher!

Harder if you're not picking her straight up after school though. A friend if mine made a laminated picture list of the things her DS needs to bring home, and attached it to the zip of his bag. Worked for them, but was hopeless when we tried it with my DS - he just got himself into a panic over it. He finds it so much easier at secondary, where he just carries everything around all day.

It took endless prompting, and until Y6, for DS to sort of get things under control.
We talked through each morning what was going, and how many things needed to come home, but it sounds like we might have started a bit further ahead than you (school were really good in KS1 at prompting, as most kids got the bus, so there was no parental input until the kids got home).
Can you pick one thing to start with: sounds like the gloves or the tray, and really work on getting one fixed as part of a routine. Then add the next thing in once one is partially sorted?

Thank you everyone, was working so couldn't reply sooner.

@MissCreeAnt your post was very helpful thank you even if it was just sorting out in my head how to tackle it or what to discuss with school.

@Orangedaisy so the way it works is the class walk from the mobile to the main school building get their stuff from the clockroom and then walk either to the playground (when its dry and no standing water) or to hall (raining, snow and other dangerous weather) to be collected, I haven;t been inside her classroom as it's all one way, we don't even walk passed her classroom. I say to her have you got your water bottle, coat, gloves etc and go through the list, if she's missed anything I can't send her back into school to get it as she's not allowed in class unsupervised, I do email her teacher and her teacher tries to remind her the next day but we have the same issue sometmes.

@shreddednips Her gloves go to her classroom with her, her coat and bag stay in the cloakroom in the main school building. She wears her gloves for playtime but not her coat, the school have fleecey jackets instead of jumpers and cardigans and they don't go out if the playgrounds got standing water or it's raining. So on a string would only help them come home.

@Ahhhhhbisto thats what she has at home, I did one for school and it ended up in her tray forgotten about. She does go in her tray everyday to get her gloves but seems to miss anything apart from the gloves and is still likely to forget the gloves coming home because she puts them back in her tray after lunch and then they don't go outside again until pick up.

@TamponSupport fingerless gloves still made her hands to cold to write when she came in from playtime. Will look into whether a folder is easier to manage for her, teach her to put the gloves in the folder and bring the whole folder home. That's a great idea thank you.

@JuneOsborne I will suggest it to the teacher, I'm not sure if they're allowed to wear anything like that on their wrists so will check. It's a good idea if it works though.

@ApplePippa yes i get her myself but as I said she's in the mobile for her class but her bag and coat are in the clockroom in the main school building they then go to either the hall or playground after going to the cloakroom. They don't go into the cloakroom at all apart from the morning, she's been known to leave her reading book, and water bottle in her bag if not reminded.

@InTheLabyrinth I think picking one to focus on is a great idea. Gloves and bringing those home is the important one as otherwise her hands can be too cold in the morning to start writing straight away as I can't always go to the shop and get a new pair immediately.

Oh that's a shame. I wonder if the teacher would be willing to tape it to her desk?

I've set up a meeting with her teacher to discuss all these suggestions, she's come out without her water bottle and coat today - no idea how she's lost her coat as it literally sits on her peg all day

Is there any one thing she reliably brings out every day. Bag for example. You could attach a laminated checklist to a bag with a keychain or such.

Then, ask if her teacher can prompt her to run through the list. And you run through it as soon as you collect her too. Even if it's too late to go back, it's useful to reinforce the list as soon as possible.

My son (Y5) has a laminated timetable and checklist for the day attached to his bag. However I’m not convinced he pays much attention to it - but it does mean his friends and teachers help him out by making sure he’s got what he is meant to have.

@TheWrongReasonMaybe hope I’m not out of line in saying this, but your description of your daughter is really screaming ADHD to me - I appreciate she has a dyslexia diagnosis, but has anyone suggested getting an EdPsych assessment? Girls are often overlooked in this respect, everyone assumes it is a “boy” thing.

@adaptiveness

Is there any one thing she reliably brings out every day. Bag for example. You could attach a laminated checklist to a bag with a keychain or such.

Then, ask if her teacher can prompt her to run through the list. And you run through it as soon as you collect her too. Even if it's too late to go back, it's useful to reinforce the list as soon as possible.

Her bag doesn't go to her classroom, it's always in the cloakroom with her coat, she reliably brings it home because she does the same thing everyday i.e. walks to the cloakroom and gets her bag and coat then goes to the playground/hall to wait for me.

@TeaandHobnobs

My son (Y5) has a laminated timetable and checklist for the day attached to his bag. However I’m not convinced he pays much attention to it - but it does mean his friends and teachers help him out by making sure he’s got what he is meant to have.

@TheWrongReasonMaybe hope I’m not out of line in saying this, but your description of your daughter is really screaming ADHD to me - I appreciate she has a dyslexia diagnosis, but has anyone suggested getting an EdPsych assessment? Girls are often overlooked in this respect, everyone assumes it is a “boy” thing.

On my other thread over on Primary Education Dyspraxia/DCD was mentioned, I am looking at everything though and have a meeting with her teacher next week to discuss it.

I have printed a little list to the name label bit of DS's bookbag - seems to have helped a little...

Spoken to her teacher, she's not remotely worried about the forgetfulness and says it'll either come in time or school will adapt.

They have a few pegs outside the classroom and they're going to reassign DDs peg to one outside the classroom to see if that helps, she has a free pass to the toilet due to the HM so hoping she'll realise "When I go to the toilet this can go in my bag" and the teacher will remind her of that too, so maybe we'll have better luck.

I think we'll try this for awhile before adding anything else in.

Sorry I know i said it was next week but her teacher was free tonight when I picked up so we spoke then instead.

Glad the teacher is willing to help out and not worried. Hopefully this will help your DD !

Some variation on TomTags might help her (www.tinknstink.co.uk/tomtag-i-know-what-to-expect-morning-and-evening-mini-kit.html?ff=2&fp=7289&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=Google_Shopping&gclid=CjwKCAjwzaSLBhBJEiwAJSRokqMgMj0jIGkvfA3HyrYJM6Yr80X2tec-uSq_BaVfjRYMuJrXk3Q4yRoC1ZoQAvD_BwE for the idea)

DD2 is exactly like this - has a dyspraxia and ASD diagnosis and a strong query over ADHD as well. In the infants what helped was a teacher on board with us who drilled in the routine that "if it was removed from your body, or given to you to take home - it goes straight into the bag" and her taking a rucksack in instead of a book bag.

Then Covid hit - the junior school (she transitioned up) banned bags, class teacher was very much of a "special needs my arse they all just need to try harder" mindset (thank fuck this woman's retired now) and DD2 lost absolutely bloody everything - even managed to leave the school building one day and get to the gate without her flipping shoes on!

I did checklists attached to her belongings, name labelled everything with so many labels I'm surprised she didn't stick to things... we lost hundreds of pounds of belongings in drips and drops over the course of that year.

This year - much more on board class teacher and supportive school in general - and she's switched to keeping everyone ELSE organised!!! We keep a zip wallet inside the classroom and anything to go home goes in there, then into the bag as she leaves and she's not lost anything in an entire month and a half! This is a miracle level change. School are aware though and have been warned that DD will be that child who manages to lose their pants at least 3 times on school swimming lessons (there is one in every class - think it's the law or something).

She's a year older than yours though and we do a lot of work at home modelling "I need to take my glasses off, I must remember to put them where I always put them down so I know where to look for them" type strategies which are starting to pay some dividends.