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Original poster

My 11 yr old is mortally embarrassed by me

43 replies

georgedawes · 11/10/2021 11:06

I don't think I'm ridiculously embarrassing but she thinks otherwise. I don't try and be a 'cool' parent or anything like that and just leave her to it with any friends that come round, but if I even say hi to her friends I can see how mortified she is. Is this normal and when does it pass?!

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 11/10/2021 11:08

It's normal, don't pander to it, she'll grow out of it.

GoWalkabout · 11/10/2021 11:09

Totally normal just keep doing what you are doing. My 16 and 18 year old are over it now!

Original poster
georgedawes · 11/10/2021 11:09

When do they grow out of it? It's been going on for about a year and wasn't something I expected til she was a bit older tbh.

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Underamour · 11/10/2021 11:11

It’s normal. In my experience by 18 they’ve realised that you are a human being with feelings again. Don’t take it personally its about her perception of how she is seen not about you.

I worry for the teens who have become introverted over Covid and don’t have the safety net of outings with parents and parents friends and their kids to fall back on. There seem to be lots who don’t socialise hhe way they did pre covid.

Anyway OP, chin up, glue the smile on and keep busy. You only have 7 or so more years of this!

Bobsyer · 11/10/2021 11:12

I was an absolute turd at that age. I was maybe 14 when I grew out of it?

I don’t know what I did to deserve kids that are thus far tolerant of my presence!

Nightbringer · 11/10/2021 11:13

That just means you have entered elite level parenting Grin

Dd is now 17 and quite like me being involved again. I just used to make a joke. So if I said hi to her friends and she looked embarrassed I would 'yes yes I know.....I'm forbidden to speak to the guests milady.....I will get back to scrubbing the floors' and then go off and leave them to it.

Its a phase many go through. I always tell mine it's my job to embarass them and it's also a perk of parenting. Lasted about 2-3 years.

Original poster
georgedawes · 11/10/2021 11:17

Thanks guys. If it's 2-3years hopefully half way there at least. I know it's normal to be embarrassed by your parents but thought it was more of a teenager thing. Doesn't help that all my friends seem to have a good relationship with their kids who are quite happy to do stuff together. If I suggest doing anything it's just rebuffed these days.

OP posts:
steppemum · 11/10/2021 11:19

very normal.
I have found that they way to handle it is to both refuse to pander to it, and also to understand it.

so first means that I will say hello in a friendly way to their friends, and might offer food/drink/lift home if appropriate.
But the second means that I won't stand and have conversations with them about their favourite subject at school.

I also tell them it is part of my role as a parent to be embarrassing, otherwise they would never leave home at 18.
And I reassure them where necessary that I will work to what they want, like not sitting on the front row being proud parent at events Grin

They get past it, some quicker than others.
One thing that really matters is that you still engage deeply when friends are not present.

OldTinHat · 11/10/2021 11:19

That means you're parenting brilliantly. If your children aren't embarrassed then you're doing something wrong!

Original poster
georgedawes · 11/10/2021 11:23

Oh you're all lovely and reassuring. Steppemum that's exactly what I do - I'm polite and friendly to friends but just leave them to it.

OP posts:
Nightbringer · 11/10/2021 11:40

@georgedawes

Thanks guys. If it's 2-3years hopefully half way there at least. I know it's normal to be embarrassed by your parents but thought it was more of a teenager thing. Doesn't help that all my friends seem to have a good relationship with their kids who are quite happy to do stuff together. If I suggest doing anything it's just rebuffed these days.
My daughter once complained I offered to take her to Starbucks 🙄. She was about 12 and you would have thought I offered her a day out to an abattoir. This is despite her loving to go to Starbucks.

Honestly, we are very close now. I was her first pick to go look at unis and we go to lunch often. She actually listens to my input and then makes her own mind up about things, but does listen.

I am very proud of who she has become. She was just a pain for a few years.

Those parents who have a great relationship with their kids, probably do get times of this sort of thing or may have it to come when you are well past it.

One of dds best friends is going through a terrible patch with her parents (fault all sides but with no ill will on anyones part just butting heads). Her mum said she felt like the rest of us were doing better. We aren't we just had different challenges at different times.

goldenochre · 11/10/2021 11:46

I only have 2 kids under 5 but even i think its ver normal every parent go through it.. so trying to cheer you up 😬👇🏽

My 11 yr old is mortally embarrassed by me
rainbowandglitter · 11/10/2021 11:55

Do they all do this? My ds is 12 in a couple of months and I've not had any of this yet. I was expecting it to hit at around 14.

Maireas · 11/10/2021 12:00

Perfectly normal. It's a sign you're being a good parent.

edwinbear · 11/10/2021 12:01

Yep, totally normal. DS is 12 and is embarrassed by my audacity to even exist. If he wants a lift somewhere, I have to drop him where his friends won't see that I've given him a lift, I'm not allowed to breathe, let alone speak if we do happen across one of his mates, he won't invite them to ours because I'm so embarrassing. I'm really not, I'm just a normal mum, and his friends are perfectly polite and happy to chat briefly when there is no option but to speak to them. His friends parents tell me there are all the same, so I'm happy to roll with it at the moment.

BarefootHippieChick · 11/10/2021 12:05

Usually they grow out of that around 15/16. Mine is 17 and her friends all come and say hi and have a chat now when they come round!

Toddlerteaplease · 11/10/2021 12:07

My dad thinks the best bit about being a parent, is when you are an embarrassment to your children. Instead of the other way round!

Sewaccidentprone · 11/10/2021 12:07

When ds1 was a young teenager, he asked me not to say hi to him if I saw him in town with his mates (I worked in town, so this happened on occasion).

It was hilarious, all his friends would say hi ds1’s mum and he would pretend I wasn’t there.

He grew out of it, but I remember being similarly mortified as a teen by my parents who would hold hands when we went out!

BarefootHippieChick · 11/10/2021 12:09

@Toddlerteaplease

My dad thinks the best bit about being a parent, is when you are an embarrassment to your children. Instead of the other way round!

My husband often jokes he can't wait for the embarrassing speeches and dad dancing at our dds weddings! They'll probably never get married 😆

edwinbear · 11/10/2021 12:13

It was hilarious, all his friends would say hi ds1’s mum and he would pretend I wasn’t there

This is exactly where we are at the moment! We went to watch the local rugby team play at home recently, I was briefed not to even look at him, let alone speak to him and definitely not to stand anywhere near him/his mates whilst watching. As it turned out, it was busy, we did end up standing next to them and one of his friends was very happy chatting away, explaining the rules and what was going on to me (who knows very little about rugby), charming, polite young man as he is. DS stood there red faced and fuming - I did milk it at bit tbf Grin

HelloDulling · 11/10/2021 12:13

Its not unusual, but it is horrible. And I think it's completely reasonable to tell her it's unacceptable to be rude to you in front of her friends, if she is.
You are sensitive to her feelings, she should try to do the same.

benelephant · 11/10/2021 12:14

DS is 11. When I drop him off at school once he opens the car door I'm forbidden from speaking. I'm not sure what he thinks I'm going to do, I've never once shouting anything embarrassing to him. It was less than a year ago he used to still hold my hand 😢

godmum56 · 11/10/2021 12:19

If you kids are embarassed by you then you are doing parenting right :)

iloverock · 11/10/2021 12:20

It's a perk of being a parent.

And perfectly Normal.

MrsWooster · 11/10/2021 12:22

Someone on here coined the term ‘Schrodingers parent’: simultaneously omnipresent to transport / pay, and non-existent.