Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My 11 yr old is mortally embarrassed by me

43 replies

georgedawes · 11/10/2021 11:06

I don't think I'm ridiculously embarrassing but she thinks otherwise. I don't try and be a 'cool' parent or anything like that and just leave her to it with any friends that come round, but if I even say hi to her friends I can see how mortified she is. Is this normal and when does it pass?!

OP posts:

Anordinarymum · 11/10/2021 12:22

Apparently my children were mortified when some of their friends had said they really liked me and one of them wished I was her mum. I had not done anything apart from giving the odd lift to school and having them in the house.
One day my son told me not to talk to his friends. I did however, breathe and that was utterly criminal

Strangevipers · 11/10/2021 12:41

@Anordinarymum

Apparently my children were mortified when some of their friends had said they really liked me and one of them wished I was her mum. I had not done anything apart from giving the odd lift to school and having them in the house. One day my son told me not to talk to his friends. I did however, breathe and that was utterly criminal

I did however breathe and that was utterly criminal 😂 I just burst out laughing

ShowOfHands · 11/10/2021 12:49

@rainbowandglitter

Do they all do this? My ds is 12 in a couple of months and I've not had any of this yet. I was expecting it to hit at around 14.

No. Please don't worry about all the 'you're doing it right if you're embarrassing them' posts. Lots of DC do this and it's normal. Some don't and that's normal too.

I have a 14yr old and she and her friends aren't like this. Her friends are more than happy to come and chat to me when they arrive, DD tags along and joins in. Or she shouts me up to her room to tell me things or ask me to show something to her friends. She even comes and finds me when they video call so that they can all say hi.

She finds her Dad embarrassing though!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

ittakes2 · 11/10/2021 13:11

Yes totally normal. I actually have fun with it with my son. He doesn't like us walking together so when we have to go to an appt in the high street he gets notice he needs to leave first and then I will follow. I tease him with saying we need to do it this way because I couldn't possible be seen with him it would ruin my street cred. Ironically I get on really well with his friends and they all wave and say hello to me if they see me. Its just I am never seen with him.

ittakes2 · 11/10/2021 13:14

I remember now being 13 and my mum had come to pick me up from school. She got out of the car and I screamed at her to get back in the car. I was mortified because she was a young mum and very slim and beautiful while my friend's mums were in their 40s and comfy. I still laugh at the thought I was embarrased about my mum because she was slim and beautiful and I wanted her to be comfy like the other mums.

BigFatLiar · 11/10/2021 13:25

You're her mum being an embarrassment is part of the job.

Original poster

georgedawes · 11/10/2021 13:30

@BigFatLiar

You're her mum being an embarrassment is part of the job.

I get this but it's her age that surprises me. I didn't expect a 10/11 year old to die of embarrassment because I said hello to her friend who came to our house etc? I thought it was a teenage thing!!

OP posts:

Triffid1 · 11/10/2021 13:54

OP, I think we're hitting this phase with DS - he's 10. If him and I are in a shop, for example, and I exchange the mildest of banter with the person helping us, he will hiss at me that I am sooooo embarrassing. I find it quite upsetting. I don't mind him being embarrassed to see me (eg his insistence that if I am picking him up from school I cannot actually come to the gate but must meet him in the cafe round the corner just makes me laugh. Although I did draw the line when he suggested once that I wait behind the tree!), but for him to be mean because I've shared a friendly exchange with someone drives me mad! Similarly, if he doesn't want me bantering with his friends, that's absolutely fine. But I keep telling him he doesn't get to tell me how to talk to other people.

Most recently, we popped into our local newsagent. I've been going in there regularly for years, during lockdown him and I chatted quite a bit if I was in there etc so we always enjoy a nice but superficial chat. DS told me it was embarrassing that I asked the guy how he was. FFS.

Original poster

georgedawes · 11/10/2021 14:17

Triffid it sounds very similar! You have my sympathies. How dare you exist?!

OP posts:

Bluebellbike · 11/10/2021 15:23

My DD was awful as a teenager. I don't remember when it started to improve. She is now 34 and I am 61 and we go to gigs and music festivals together.

Ruralbliss · 11/10/2021 15:24

My previously adoring DD became classic Kevin/Perry overnight aged 13. Couldn't roll her eyes enough at me, sighing heavily about everything I said, having loud exclusive teens-only chat with her older sister.

This weekend I ended up in tears when I pointed out I was singlehandedly packing the house for a move, working a 40 hour week, driving three hours a day to get said 13 yr old to and from school while she just lay on her bed not finding the time to take mouldy cups downstairs in the 7 hours since I asked her.

Her response was 'That is LITERALLY NOT MY PROBLEM. YOU ARE SOOOOOO ANNOYING!'

She used to cling to me murmuring 'I'm so Mummery aren't I mummy. I lub you soooo much'

🥺😢🥺😢🥺😢

Ruralbliss · 11/10/2021 15:28

@Triffid1 I get that too. I also hate it. A teen absolutely dying or irritation and excruciation just because I'm saying 'Ooooh I think that window display is fantastic'

I have tried mentioning that I existed many decades before she became the gate keeper of my exchanges. And I have feelings which could get hurt despite being in my mid forties.

Notgoingonholiday · 11/10/2021 15:33

Parents evenings were the worst thing for my DD at that age. Like she was absolutely mortified she had parents...on parents evening. We could hardly move or say a word without her almost losing it. We found it both funny and rude in equal measures. I think 14/15 was when that all stopped. I can hardly peel her off of me now

Triffid1 · 11/10/2021 15:33

[quote Ruralbliss]@Triffid1 I get that too. I also hate it. A teen absolutely dying or irritation and excruciation just because I'm saying 'Ooooh I think that window display is fantastic'

I have tried mentioning that I existed many decades before she became the gate keeper of my exchanges. And I have feelings which could get hurt despite being in my mid forties. [/quote]
Yes, exactly that. When it's in relation to him/his friends, it's annoying but fine. I get it. But the most innocent of comments....!

I'm not 100% sure about this but in shops, I honestly think that he's absorbed some sort of idea that it's patronising for me to talk to people. I can't put my finger on it but obviously, like very child/tween/teenager in the history of the world, he thinks I'm clueless. I think he thinks that because I don't actually KNOW these people, being friendly is fake?

2bazookas · 11/10/2021 16:02

It's common . I remember ours hissing at us "don't all walk so close to me, people will think I'm with you". They get over it.

Dillydollydingdong · 11/10/2021 16:04

It's your job. Payback time for all the times she's embarrassed you

spiderlight · 11/10/2021 16:06

Mine went through a phase of this in late junior school (about the age when he was almost ready to walk to and from school on his own), then got over himself for a bit, and is now heading back into it at 14. Fortunately his friends are very down-to-earth and have realised that DH and I are by far the softest touch of all the parents in the friendship group, so they're happy to chat to us. I had the audacity to phone him the other day when WhatsApp was down and I wanted to know where he was, and as he was saying goodbye, there was a load of giggling in the background and then a chorus of 'Byeeeee - we love you!'

It's all a part of finding their feet with independence. It will fade if you don't make too big a thing of it and try not to take it personally.

BarefootHippieChick · 11/10/2021 16:27

@Bluebellbike

My DD was awful as a teenager. I don't remember when it started to improve. She is now 34 and I am 61 and we go to gigs and music festivals together.

I love this!!

Flip

1 2