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Original poster

Quitting my job - Need to get a grip and just do it!

48 replies

Fired · 10/10/2021 22:13

I realise I'm being a bit of a wet lettuce but I am an anxiety ridden people pleaser who overthinks everything.

I need to quit my job. The workplace is toxic. I've been there for over 5 years and never been given an ounce of responsibility. I have 15 years experience and yet every minute of my time there is micromanaged and nitpicked and controlled by my colleague and my boss. I'm not allowed to ever think for myself or do anything without being told to. My boss has never said "good job" or anything, just tells me (in a few more words) that nothing I do is ever good enough.

There are, more often than not, days where I am sick to my stomach with stress and worry before my shift starts. Then I come home in tears because of how awful it is. That's not me being a wet lettuce, it can truly be awful. We're a very small "team". Other than my controlling colleague and one other person (who is the main source of the awfulness) I have lasted the longest, every other employee has quit within 6 months. One person managed 3 shifts (12 hours total) before refusing to come back because those first 3 shifts were so dreadful, with the bullying and the shouting and the micromanaging.

I like what I do but not at my current workplace. It's not an important job, I'm not doing anything amazing. I'm easily replaced and my boss doesn't really like me or think I'm any good so why do I feel so guilty?!

Anyway, it's time for me leave there but I keep second guessing myself. I had a good shift on Friday and a good one today and I keep thinking what if they are all like that from now on? Because if they were I wouldn't leave! But I know they won't be so I need to just get a grip and send my my resignation letter.

I don't know why I feel so guilty about it.

This is a really long post, sorry. I just needed to get it out there. Someone give me a kick and tell me to stop being so pathetic!

OP posts:
Original poster
Fired · 10/10/2021 22:13

Right. I have word open and I have started writing it.

OP posts:
Iggly · 10/10/2021 22:14

Keep it short and sweet. You don’t need to explain or apologise. They’ve treated you like shit and probably won’t change.

DogDawg · 10/10/2021 22:18

You don't owe them anything. The anticipation of doing it is the worst part. Once done you'll feel a weight off your shoulders, and once you've left you'll wonder why you left it so long. You're worth more and you can do it!!!

MyMoneyIsAllSpent · 10/10/2021 22:19

I'm not sure how much use this clip will be for you. I watched this and decided to join this union. Have a long think about your next step because there may be some help out there. I don't know your story obviously but could this be classed as bullying?

3luckystars · 10/10/2021 22:20

Why don’t you look for something else before you leave?

MyMoneyIsAllSpent · 10/10/2021 22:20

The info doesn't just relate to jabs.

Hullbilly · 10/10/2021 22:20

There has to be better out there for you. I stuck with a horrible job as a means to an end. It enabled me to apply for a better job. But if it's not doing anything for you and you can afford to leave, why not. I wouldn't say why as you may need a reference.

cherrypiepie · 10/10/2021 22:21

I was the same and found that after a while the job means more to you than you mean to them so it's part of your identity.

You just need to do it!

Dear mr/s x

I write to inform you of my resignation of x post at x company on x date and herby give you x weeks notice as per my contract.

I have accrued x amount of annual leave and wish to take this before the end of my employment on x date. Therefore much last working day is x.

Thank you for ongoing support during my time at x and I wish you all the best for the future successes of the business.

Kind regards

Ms C PiePie

cherrypiepie · 10/10/2021 22:27

And then do as little as possible for the rest of the month Grin sit back and relax abs do not solve any problems for them. Or you may find that you have a positive lateral flow test t
And a very long wait for a pcr test

Politely decline and exit interview and you may wish to put in a line about references in you resignation letter.

Eg Whilst I am not intending to seek work immediately, I hope to return to the workplace in the near future so kindly ask that I may provide your name as reference for any future job applications. .

Leftphalange · 10/10/2021 22:34

Honestly you have no reason to feel guilty. I just quit a toxic workplace recently and it's like a weight has be lifted, and my head feels clearer.

I had so much I wanted to get off my chest but honestly they wouldn't have cared, so I just wrote as short a statement as possible. Just do it, work as you normally would during your notice period and leave on good terms as you'll need a reference if you've been there 5 years.

Original poster
Fired · 10/10/2021 22:34

Thanks everyone. Yes, there are definitely better places to work out there! I have 2 interviews booked already and even if they don't pan out I'll be able to survive a few months at least on savings. I think the relief I will feel and the the improvement in my mental health will be worth it.

I was the same and found that after a while the job means more to you than you mean to them so it's part of your identity.

Yes, I think so to. I used to tell myself I was an important part of the team but it's not really a team. I'm fed up of being treated like rubbish. I was called stupid five times in one shift last week. I work hard and I know I am good at what I do. I have always had really good feedback and positive reviews in previous jobs.

Nothing but criticism in this one.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fired · 10/10/2021 22:37

Thanks for that cherrypiepie!

Yes, I've kept it short and polite, said nothing bad.

Haven't managed to hit send yet. Honestly, I'm quite worried about how everyone will treat me once they realise I'm leaving. They won't be kind.

OP posts:
Bogeyes · 10/10/2021 22:39

Leave and don't look back. Good luck.

Queenie6655 · 10/10/2021 22:47

@cherrypiepie

I was the same and found that after a while the job means more to you than you mean to them so it's part of your identity.

You just need to do it!

Dear mr/s x

I write to inform you of my resignation of x post at x company on x date and herby give you x weeks notice as per my contract.

I have accrued x amount of annual leave and wish to take this before the end of my employment on x date. Therefore much last working day is x.

Thank you for ongoing support during my time at x and I wish you all the best for the future successes of the business.

Kind regards

Ms C PiePie

Yes great example

I was in your shoes last June along with other

Scrollonthroughtherain · 10/10/2021 22:47

Sounds like constructive dismissal. Speak to acas.

InFiveMins · 10/10/2021 22:54

I've been in a very similar position before OP. Once I handed the notice in I felt so much better - yes it was awkward the next day at work but the worst of it was over and I soon started to feel immense relief that I'd taken the leap and resigned.

Take a deep breath and submit the resignation email and be positive - you should be proud for having the courage to finally get out of there.

Bigballer · 10/10/2021 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

cherrypiepie · 10/10/2021 22:57

Don't do it 11pm in a Sunday.

Do it at at 8am tomorrow.

If your notice period 4 weeks? Do you have leave to use?

So however bad the next four weeks are going to be - the rest of your life is amazing.

Tie up loose ends ASAP after resigning and clear desk / personal belongings. Leave notes of work handover if needed. Ring in sick for at couple of days or even get signed off after you have sorted your affairs.

You could phone ACAS and to the whole constructive dismissal thing but that will take years and they've already had too much of you - is it worth it?

Fuck em op!

BrilliantBetty · 10/10/2021 23:04

Don't get signed off etc.
You might as well see it out, you've come this far, and give them no reason to give you anything but a positive reference. I know they can't give you a bad one, but they could make it obvious they didn't think highly of you.. don't give them ammunition

underneaththeash · 10/10/2021 23:07

Do nothing yet....wait until you have the new job.

Bogeyes · 10/10/2021 23:08

Don't let them talk you into staying with false promises that they will improve the situation etc. If you withdraw your notice they will treat you like crap!

Bogeyes · 10/10/2021 23:10

Please tell us what happens

cherrypiepie · 10/10/2021 23:11

@BrilliantBetty good point and I stand corrected keep your powder dry.

I went through similar. Had a two month notice period nearly three. I was having a minor breakdown so did get signed off for two week (fucking gp could have just signed me of for a month and out me out my misery) the last so weeks the put me in part days 'for my own benefit as it's good to be back in the work place'. I'd already been replaced so I sat there for two weeks in the staff breakout room politely declining to do any work that I was asked to do as advised by my union colleague. And the guy that was shoehorned in stole my specialist stationery! I'm still in need of it three years on.

Anyway I now have lovely amazing job with fabulous colleagues!

Original poster
Fired · 10/10/2021 23:14

It's scheduled to send at 8am tomorrow!

Once I'm gone I don't ever want to think about the place again, tbh!

I can't believe I stayed for 5 years either. I guess I got stuck. I had a rough couple of years (personally) when I first started.

The worst thing my boss ever did to me was shout at me in front of colleagues for calling in sick when I had a miscarriage. My mc started on the Sunday evening. Monday was my day off, I didn't have to be in until Tuesday. I sent an email Sunday night and then phoned on Monday morning to say I wouldn't be in. She told me she wasn't happy with me. I went in for my shift on the Wednesday even though I was a mess, physically and emotionally. She told me off in front of everyone for being a pathetic, workshy let down. Nobody spoke to me for a week.

Then on the flip side I have shifts that are great! Everyone is kind and gets along. Still nitpicked and micromanaged, of course, but it's manageable because everything goes so well and the atmosphere is good and I feel like my boss appreciates my hard work even if she never says it.

Obviously I don't expect my job to be all roses and sunshine and handholding but it's honestly so vile and unbearable at times.

OP posts:
Original poster
Fired · 10/10/2021 23:20

@BrilliantBetty

Don't get signed off etc. You might as well see it out, you've come this far, and give them no reason to give you anything but a positive reference. I know they can't give you a bad one, but they could make it obvious they didn't think highly of you.. don't give them ammunition
That's my plan but to be honest I don't think they will give me a nice reference, even if I was the best employee my boss had ever had. It will definitely be the type of reference that sounds positive but implies I'm absolute shit.

I can't wait until I have another job ready to go to. I've been saying I'm going to quit since 2018 so it's now or never.

OP posts: