If you used to have an eating disorder, how did you stop it?

[maebenot]

Just that really - therapy? Self control? Something else?

Just a hopeful bump.

@maebenot sorry if you're struggling.

What kind of eating disorder do you have?

I had anorexia and binge eating. I tried multiple therapies - NHS and private but ultimately I realised I could change things and putting food in my mouth was down to me. This was after years of denial something was actually wrong.

I got rid of scales and I ate 3 meals and snacks a day. The initial feeling of being so full after little food passes and you end up being able to eat more and feel great.

Eating regularly stopped me binging too.

Things aren't perfect but they are so much better - I'm sorry if that sounds too simple, for me therapy felt like I was going through the motions until I realised it was only me that could change things.

Best of luck and please ask any questions!

Thank you so much for answering @saturdaywoe, I appreciate it, and I'm so impressed that you were able to mentally move on.

I think I am struggling with anorexia. Technically my weight is fine - I now have a BMI of 18.3, and I eat 2k calories including a full dinner. But I also exercise 2 hours a day along with a minimum of 20k steps, get very stressed if I can't, and I feel like I'm overweight and chubby all the time.

My GP wasn't helpful - the eating disorder service they referred me to said I was low risk and sent me a leaflet on anorexia, a free counsellor at work made it worse, and I can't keep begging for help from others.

I know I need to turn it around but in the past I've found it I don't log calories or weigh myself daily, then I eat even less to sort of make sure I don't put it on again.

I managed to stop as I realised I was seriously damaging my health. After 8 years of it I just saw my puffy face and weak body and thought ‘enough’. Once I started getting healthy again there was no going back. The relief to not have to count calories or binge/purge anymore was immense.

And my weight went up a little but balanced really quickly. I’m still slim but naturally so. I still avoid certain foods that might trigger me, like ice cream - but otherwise all good!

That was an amazing turning point moment @Journeynotdestination. Well done!

I wasn’t able to buy clothes and my partner was very firm and said he couldn’t cope with it any longer. It was a wake up call but I was lucky I think to be able to stop

Honestly? I was 24 and I thought fuck this, I want my life back. I’m not saying that was a magic cure by any means. I was very ill at the time, under hospital outpatient care. But honestly the desire to live and have new experiences started to become stronger than restrict all my food, feel like shit (I looked like shit too) and tired and cold all the time, and live a tiny small life with no happiness or fun. I felt imprisoned with it totally with no escape.

It was a kill or cure probably but I applied for a job abroad, got it and slowly got well enough to make the move, and then being somewhere new and exciting where no one knew me was, thankfully, good for me.

I have fallen into old habits at various points again over the years, and I don’t believe it ever completely leaves you. But it’s never attacked with a vengeance like it did those ten years ago.

I clearly need my "fuck it" moment.

Well done @Marypoppins19 and @WheelieBinPrincess, and thank you for posting.

My husband said I was looking thin the other day. For the first time in a long time I lied about how much I weighed, I'm usually honest but knew he'd worry.

I got pregnant and realised what I was doing to my body had more far reaching consequences than just my own health

Honestly I think for me it's at "remission" rather than "cured".

Therapy has been important for me. Both in terms of dealing with all the underlying shit that drives the ED, and with lots of practicalities (eg. what kinds of situations could trigger a relapse and how to navigate those, and what practical steps to take from the start if a relapse threatens etc).

I also had some very scary moments that drove it home to me that I could actually die from it, and it could happen quite suddenly without much warning. I might not always care about myself, but I care about a lot of other people, and don't have to put them through that.

I got pregnant and found I was able to stop for the baby because it mattered more to me than being well for myself had. Then I breastfed and had to care for my body to allow that. By the time all that had passed I was two years in and my thinking around food had changed quite significantly. I’m sure there must be other ways to ‘reset’ the relationship with the body that don’t involve motherhood though!! I agree with PPs that therapy is absolutely useless until you are ready for it.

When I stopped ballet, I started eating properly but was always careful not to overeat. I have always been very slim.

I've never opened up to anyone about this before other than my DH but I struggle with binge eating and I guess bulimia, but i don't think anyone would ever guess about the bulimia side of things.

I tried going to an NHS dietician once but felt unable to open up about why I was there so I wasted my time and theirs really.

The only thing that has helped me is being pregnant, as it has helped me feel at peace with myself. In the past 24 weeks I have only binged once and it felt different than it used to, and I haven't felt the need to do it again.

Sending love

People with an eating disorder are very selfish. Think of no one but themselves.

This was my turning point. Put my mum and dad through a lot. So time i stopped and thought of them.

Never went back there.

I wish you all the best @maebenot. It has never completely gone but I manage it .
At times of stress it can emerge.

Can I just add I never thought for one moment that I was being selfish.

What did it for me was an aunt visiting who told me I had put on a lot of weight. I clearly hadn’t. I had a WTF moment and managed to turn it round .
I have had a couple of relapses over the decades though.

Please stop as early as you can because it is awful what it does to your body if you don’t.

Unfortunately, things partly started because I had multiple miscarriages over many years and we ended up not having children. I would say (and have said on mumsnet before) that we've got over it and moved on, but I guess it hasn't been quite that simple.

Your comment has upset me quite a bit @MrsDThomas (although please know I'm not criticising you in the slightest for that, simply observing!) It is selfish and I am selfish. Maybe this is something I need to focus on.

The trouble is, I don't know how to stop. No one around me seems to have noticed at all aside from that one off-the-cuff remark from DH the other day. I feel like I'm drowning.

Sorry to hear you're struggling. Just to say I have had a counselling for different issues and would 100% say that things will get worse before they get better. Would you consider returning to it again? I think you do need a 'fuck it' (or several 'fuck it') moments. In my experience it's a kind of kick start to will yourself back to living and not surviving. Good luck. You are worth it. You are more than your eating disorder.

I think the thing is that the relationship with your therapist has to pretty iron clad and feel safe before you will venture towards the areas that have made you feel like you need to control your life in this way and that is where the incredibly hard work is. You need a very safe, trusting space to do the work that is needed.

@maebenot
It was about control for me . I felt it was the only thing I had control over .

I am sure you are not selfish either.

What works for one person might not work for another.
Realising you have a problem is a start . Good luck .

I am certain that I will never fully 'recover.' However, I no longer starve myself and I believe that I eat enough to keep my body healthy.

Having to eat around people has made a difference to me. I have a daughter and I want to model healthy eating for her. I also simply don't have the time or energy for starvation and extreme calorie counting. If I don't eat enough, I am distracted and unable to focus at work.

I suppose my approach is very practical in nature.

In terms of the selfishness point, I did once have a moment of clarity in uni, when a lot of people had expressed concern over my eating habits and gaunt figure. I was set to meet my parents, and somehow when I looked in the mirror, instead of seeing myself through the lens of my body dismorphia, I saw what they would see - their daughter looking pale and skeletal.

I honestly just had a talk with myself and told myself to grow up! Eds are the stuff of adolescents and I was in my 30s with a dd so knew I couldn't carry on as would ruin her life too.
I just crack on with eating, don't give it too much thought, I'm around a size 14 so technically fat but so much happier than the skinny me in a psych ward that I once was.
I think it was having my dd that turned my life around, I knew I wanted better for her and for her to not be exposed to food issues in her own home - there's enough nonsense going on outside that I can't control.

I went on a 6 week holiday with a friend I hadn't seen since my eating disorder started. (It was a bit like yours OP but rather than measuring calories and exercising, I would binge and then exercise to get rid of it for several hours a day. )
Anyway - being in a completely different environment and being in company with someone full time meant I couldn't hide my eating and exercising so I had to sort of tame it a bit in order to not have to own up to it. We still did plenty of walks and ate plenty of food (perfect holiday really!) but it was a much more natural and balanced way of living, and coupled with being distracted by the holiday and out of my toxic work environment (where I felt out of control - I'm sure the eating issues were control based) meant the reason for the disorder sort of disappeared to the background and my eating and exercising habits reset a bit and by the end of the trip I realised I didn't HAVE to go back to obsessing over it like I had been.

I then put on quite a bit of weight when I got back to work as I consciously stopped the excessive exercising, but some of the eating came back. But when I finally left that job everything settled down emotionally, then bingeing more or less stopped, my weight normalised and things went mostly back to how they'd been before.
So I realise the causes are different for everyone, but if there's any chance that yours is associated with a stress / control / other life-circumstances based trigger, possibly a shake-up of your environment, either temporary or permanent,could help.