If you used to have an eating disorder, how did you stop it?

[maebenot]

Just that really - therapy? Self control? Something else?

And OP - i realise that you don't have any children to eat for (so to speak) and I am sure that it is probably not helpful to hear that this made a difference to me. But perhaps the lesson can be applied in some other way? Like making sure you always have your evening meal with your husband and focus on enjoying that time and eating enough to ensure your body is nourished and he doesn't have to worry?

As a PP said I don't think you ever really "recover" from an ED..... and when stressed or sad or whatever it will rear its ugly head, you just learn to turn down the volume on the ED voice and/or ignore it because you're stronger and better than it is.

Honestly? It never goes away. I mask it now so the kids don’t see. Controlled food in the week and eat normally at weekends; very strict exercise routine. It works. I’m slim but normal. Good luck x

By the way the pp who said it is selfish? I don’t get that.

Sorry OP it took me so long to write my post that I didn't see your update before posting. I'm really sorry for your miscarriage losses, that is a huge thing to have to deal with and come to terms with

I'm really struggling with that selfish comment too. That bollocks. We are all, when we boil it down, inherently selfish. So just park that one somewhere outside and understand that you have a right to feel your own worth and heal.

People with EDs are selfish in the sense that they're self conscious to the point where they're only conscious of themselves.

My dd has an ED.

The only cure is food, 3 meals and 3 snacks a day.

Op the Tabitha Farrah books would be useful for you to read, very sensible and practical advice.

I'm in no way qualified to assess this but perhaps your ED relates to control too? As a PP said, and I think this was my issue as well, an ED is a way to have control over something when there are things in our life that are overwhelming and about which we feel helpless because we can't change them

@Girliefriendlikespuppies

People with EDs are selfish in the sense that they're self conscious to the point where they're only conscious of themselves.

My dd has an ED.

The only cure is food, 3 meals and 3 snacks a day.

Op the Tabitha Farrah books would be useful for you to read, very sensible and practical advice.

Wow!

I agree with PPs who say it never goes away. I squash it down 99% of the time, but in times of stress up it pops again. For me its about control, so when I feel out of control, I start controlling my calories instead. This last couple of weeks with the petrol crisis triggered it - ridiculous as it sounds. I'm sat here now, highly conscious of the slight muffin top hanging over my waistband

It took me a long time to realise that mine was about control. I have a tendency to feel like I am a failure if things in my life don't turn out a certain way that I expected, even if rationally and logically I know that I can't fix whatever is making those things happen or not happen. I think that's where the ED came in as something I could control. But I didn't FEEL like I was in control of it, I felt like I was drowning as I couldn't escape the eating and exercising monster inside me. It was awful.

I've since tried to recognise that my irrational perfectionist tendencies are unhelpful. I've been working on a bit of radical acceptance- ie just trying to accept that some things are just the way they are and - most importantly- even if those things are rubbish, it's OK that I can't change them or fix them. It doesn't make me a failure if my life doesn't go the way I or other people assumed it would.

It's not easy and is a life long project. But it's getting easier to give myself permission for things to not be 'right' in my life.
If any of this sounds familiar, I hope it gets easier for you too.

One thing I wish I'd been prepared for - most EDs are masking something else / a need for control. They are rarely about being thin. Once I had worked on my eating I was left to face all the other things I was numbing with restricting which was a shock.

I'm so sorry you've suffered miscarriages. Therapy that can address the trauma you've been for might be a good idea too.

Therapy. I went once a week on a Wednesday afternoon for a year and had integrative psychotherapy. The service also provided complimentary therapy after my session so I could have reiki or reflexology or a massage/Indian head massage.

It was really hard and I felt totally lost for that year while I unpicked everything, but it worked.

Also yes, re ED’s masking something else - I’ve since been diagnosed with ADHD which makes a lot of sense in light of my eating problems.

I got rid of all my thinspo shit and replaced it with backpacking stuff. It didn't have to be travel but something to look forward to that was totally in my control helped me.
I focused on the parts of my body I did like and bought clothes and lingerie to highlight and didn't check any sizing, I just bought what fit. I removed scales from my home and cut tags out of my clothes.

I changed my relationship with food. Instead of restricting myself and making food regimented I loosened up. I let myself eat what I wanted when I wanted to, even if that meant ice cream for breakfast.

Therapy. 5 years of amazing therapy that literally changed my life.

All these posts where there has been some kind of epiphany is not my experience at all.

A slow realisation
Then a slow improvement
Stop. Start. Backwards. Forwards. Plateau.

I’m moving in right direction but still terribly underweight and now I don’t have age on my side so health issues catching up with me

Mine is all about control

Completely agree it's selfish. Selfish and self obsessed and just so small minded. That was what got me out of it, realising that actually there was no one in the world who cared how much I weighed beyond wanting me well, that life had so much more to offer than obsessing over how many star jumps I had to do to burn off an apple. And Christ it's so bloody boring having those thoughts in your head.
I've said this on here before but my mother was a functioning anorexic all her life. She ignored the signs of bowel cancer because she was pleased to be losing weight, and was diagnosed at stage 4, and died. What an absolute bloody waste.

I had anorexia and becoming vegetarian and then vegan really helped me get past it, as I was still able to have that control over what I ate, but in a healthier way - directing it away from a focus on calories or fat. Gradually I recovered although I still occasionally find supermarkets anxiety-inducing.

I don't know how but my anorexia developed into binge eating. This went on for years until I found out I had coeliac disease and I've been scared to upset my stomach since, not worth the pain. Sorry, that doesn't really help. I do still feel triggered sometimes, usually by photos of myself.
I hope you manage to overcome it.

I punished myself by not eating. I would tell myself I had to reach a certain wordcount or step before a meal, wouldn't reach it, so wouldn't eat. I was eating once in two days. I finally submitted the last piece of work and left university, then had to fight for a long while to get any kind of appetite. I felt sick a lot, but eventually got into normal eating patterns. It took me a lot of years to stop panicking if I can't find somethibg or somewhere to eat, or if I end up eating late - feels like falling into the same pattern.

I think it's a bit simplistic just to say it's selfish - yes, it is, but as others have said it's usually a metaphor for other underlying stuff. Really good psychodynamic therapy worked for me: it genuinely went away.

I also think calling it selfish is simplistic. Any mental health issue is "selfish" in a way - it draws you into yourself and your own issues, but unless we're here telling people that mental illness is a choice, it's a bit of a pointless thing to blame anyone about.

For me mine was a reaction to CSA. I developed secret eating and binging behaviours as a child, which then morphed into bulimia as a teenager. It was compulsive and never gave me any sense of control, personally. Learning to deal with the complex ptsd in the background with better coping mechanisms was the key for me. Without dealing with the background stuff, there's a chance of hopping from one unhealthy behaviour to another - even just swapping your ED from one type to another.

I joined Overeaters Anonymous www.oagb.org.uk/. There are plenty of anorexics and bulimics who are members. It's modelled on AA and focuses on the spiritual, emotional and physical sides of the disease. It's free (voluntary contributions only) and there are loads of zoom meetings all round the world at every time of the day or night