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Original poster

Help?!?!?!

27 replies

Luluu123 · 08/10/2021 14:00

My partner of 9 years has told me a teenage child has come forward and said he is his dad! We have 3 children of our own, am I wrong for not wanting this child involved?? Dna has been done waiting for the results.

OP posts:
TheQueef · 08/10/2021 14:05

Ofc you are wrong if the child is his.
It's no fault of the child regardless of the upheaval it'll cause.

Original poster
Luluu123 · 08/10/2021 14:06

I mean I don't want him involved with my other children!

OP posts:
CheshireChat · 08/10/2021 14:07

Your reaction is perfectly normal, but the child is blameless in all of this and deserves to know his father and it would be wrong of you to interfere with that.

TheQueef · 08/10/2021 14:07

Why? Because of the drama or is there a reason you don't want involvement?

CheshireChat · 08/10/2021 14:08

Your other children are his half siblings, why exactly are you so against them having a relationship?

IhateBoswell · 08/10/2021 14:09

What? If he's his dad too it should be nothing to do with you if he wants a relationship with him 🙄

HollowTalk · 08/10/2021 14:12

For god's sake, woman, get a grip!

amylou8 · 08/10/2021 14:16

Of course the child should be involved with his father and step siblings if that is what they both want. You on the other hand can do as you please.

BrilliantBulb · 08/10/2021 14:17

Wow that must be a huge shock for you all.

But it would be extreme of you to stop the children knowing their half siblings. Especially as when they’re old enough they’ll be able to do so without you anyway.

Wouldn’t you rather manage it all to be a positive experience rather than it being a secret or a shock for them. Imagine if the teenager takes things into their own hands and waits outside of their school or something to announce they’re siblings? That could be so damaging to everyone.

amylou8 · 08/10/2021 14:17

*Half siblings not step

ApolloandDaphne · 08/10/2021 14:23

It's obviously a massive shock for you but I am not sure why you wouldn't want your children to know their half sibling if your DH does turn out to be the father.

VladmirsPoutine · 08/10/2021 14:24

It's a shock but there's no need to be making unreasonable decisions at the height of all this emotion.

Has he provided you with background that leads you both to think this is feasible. In any case you can't ban him from the children you both share together.

Original poster
Luluu123 · 08/10/2021 14:30

No need for all the negative comments! Why wait 16 years to come forward and say he is his dad! Why not say when the child was born. My children only know each other and with having additional needs I don't think they will understand all of it and don't want to unsettle them

OP posts:
IhateBoswell · 08/10/2021 14:35

How TF is a baby/child supposed to approach him to tell him he's his father?!
Hmm, I think you're taking the piss 😒

HemanOrSheRa · 08/10/2021 14:36

No need for all the negative comments! Why wait 16 years to come forward and say he is his dad! Why not say when the child was born. Gosh, I don't know. Let me have a think...Confused

Original poster
Luluu123 · 08/10/2021 14:41

The child's mother has always told the child he is his father so why didn't she come forward is what I mean not the child.

OP posts:
DroopyClematis · 08/10/2021 14:42

I'm not sure that you can do much about this.
If your partner is the boy's father then your partner will need to decide, for himself, the best way forward.

This must be an enormous shock for you both but erasing this boy from your family life would be grossly unfair.

DroopyClematis · 08/10/2021 14:43

She had her own reasons for not coming forward.

Derbee · 08/10/2021 14:44

What a horrible attitude you have OP. Hopefully your partner will do the right thing, acknowledge the child and allow a sibling relationship to develop over time. And ignore the nasty opinions of his selfish partner (you)

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/10/2021 14:44

I don’t blame you for being very unhappy about it. Who would be?

Wait for the results before panicking too much.

How much involvement does DH think he’ll want? How far away do they live?

Constellationstation · 08/10/2021 14:47

Yes, you are wrong for not wanting ‘this child’ (I think you mean ‘my partner’s child’) to be involved.
The mother probably didn’t want to come forward, now that the child is a teenager they have decided to come forward themselves. Not that it really matters why it hasn’t happened before, it’s happened now.

BrilliantBulb · 08/10/2021 15:05

@Luluu123

The child's mother has always told the child he is his father so why didn't she come forward is what I mean not the child.
If your upset about the child’s mother that’s one thing but don’t take it out on your own DC and their sibling.

I understand you don’t want to unsettle this person exists, you can’t just pretend that they don’t. It will be a lot more unsettling for them if you hide it and the truth comes out later than if you deal with it well now.

Graphista · 08/10/2021 15:09

Why 16 years? Perhaps the mother has only just told them for some reason?

Can understand it's been a shock but you really need to get a handle on this.

It's unfair to expect them to not have contact with their half siblings, and indeed for your own children to not get to know their half sibling.

Get some therapy/support if you need it but it's not just up to you anyway it's up to their father too.

waybill · 08/10/2021 15:20

@Luluu123

The child's mother has always told the child he is his father so why didn't she come forward is what I mean not the child.
Well for reasons of her own, maybe she didn't want your dp involved in the child's life, but now he is 16, he has made his own mind up to contact his father.
HerRoyalRisesAgain · 08/10/2021 15:27

You are being massively unreasonable. There may be a number of reasons the mother didn't want your partner involved in the child's life but now the child is 16 he's able to decide for himself he wants a relationship with his father.

Also if the DNA comes ack that this child is your partners keeping him away from your kids is selfish. He's their half brother. As for them having additional needs it's not hard to tell them "this is your brother, he has a different mummy but the same daddy"