My daughters bloody dad, what can I do here?

[ABCeasyasdohrayme]

My 4yo dd has contact with her dad every second weekend.

He sometimes has her for an extra day or 2 as well if his work schedule allows.

He lives quite a few miles away and I do all the drop offs and pick ups, I send extra clothes and get handed a bag of washing back every time, he pays very minimal CM, he's not the greatest, but he's not the worst.

My problem is that dd occasionally wets the bed, it was occasional, maybe once a fortnight or so if she had a really hectic day. She usually wakes up and goes to the toilet at around 11pm then back to bed and it's fine.

She did it at his house once and since then he puts her in a nappy at night. This means that when she comes back here she is wetting the bed for days afterwards again, even if I get her up earlier to go to the toilet, she still pees later. She is at his for 2 nights but wets the bed for 6 or 7 nights when she gets back, then is dry for a few nights until she's back at her dad's and repeat.

I've told him to stop it even said if it's an issue of washing I'll drop off extra bedding and take it back if she wets the bed. He said that it was only once he put her in one and he has stopped doing it. This is a total lie because dd is really upset at being put in a nappy, and is very vocal about it.

What can I do about this? Is there anything?

Dd loves her dad so I don't want to stop contact, I don't think he has a washing machine, do I buy him one?

I'm at a total loss here. Is it just one of those things that I have to get on with?

@Smashingspinster

Although she loves him, he is just going to keep doing stuff that disappoints and harms her. I would stop running around after him, if he sees her he has to make the effort. Better for contact to decrease now rather than later when she is more aware of what a screw up he is.

This

The 👍 response tells me he is happy to drop the overnights bc he can't actually be arsed with the effort of parenting.

That’s great, welcome the reduced contact, the sooner the trash is ejected from the poor kids life, the better. Don’t give you ex any more clothing or anything, obviously. Document all his failures to parent.

I kind of think its not a major issue if she is wetting the bed she runs it you can never really get all the wee out a mattress, if putting her in pull ups not nappies means no wet bed why shouldn't he its his time with her you have the same option too just because you don't like it does not mean its wrong or right you both have different parenting styles and pulling overnights because of this would probably mean she has even less contact with her dad

The day I realised it is not my job to enable my ex to be a dad but it is to protect my children from his inadequate parenting was a very freeing one. I hope you find that same freedom, OP. It is not your job to make your life easy. Your DD deserves more

i mean this kindly OP but stop enabling him

stop doing the clean clothes, taking her etc - i know this is hard for your daughter but he needs to make an effort. Let him pick her up, sort out transport etc, if he dosent then its on his head.

I would also tell him day visits only until he can stop putting her in a nappy - hes a lazy bastard isnt he

@girlmom21

As well as stopping overnights, stop facilitating picks ups and drop offs. You should be doing half each. If he can't make the effort to pick her up he doesn't get to see her.

100%! You are enabling his awful ways, Just stop. I hope your DD is ok, her Dad sounds like he cba at all