In a rut. Considering a life coach. But will it be a waste of money?

[Iliketheorangeone]

My DS has started school and I need to go back to work. When I had him, I quit my job and became a full time SAHM, then Covid happened and the nursery he went to a few mornings a week closed, so I didn’t even consider getting a job. All in all, I haven’t really worked in almost five years. Every time I look at any job ads I am filled with fear and doubt and dread. I have no confidence at my ability to do my old job!

But equally, I am bored, sad, and a bit depressed at home. Also DH and I could do with the extra income.

Someone suggested that I get a life coach.

Has anyone done it? Was it worthwhile?

I looked some up on social media and felt a little cynical. But I can’t carry on like this!

I’m also completely directionless so maybe I’m not the best candidate for a coach?

I would love to hear other people’s experiences if they got a life coach and what they got out of it! And I would love to know how they found someone they clicked with.

I had some life coaching (but it was focused on my career). I found it really helpful. It didn’t do anything that I wouldn’t have been able to do myself but it actually forced me to do them and I found talking about my thoughts for an hour with something objective which challenged the things I was saying was really useful.
I’ve also had CBT and the whole paying for it and having targets is what makes it successful. I guess it’s the difference being doing a diet yourself and going to slimming world.

Ok so I have had some career-related therapy (which didn’t take me anywhere), and some relationship counselling which was also unhelpful.

Last year I was in a similar place to you, and bereaved, and I made a spur of the moment decision to find a life coach. I had 6 sessions w her and she was absolutely completely brilliant. I don’t know quite how or why, but she was able to listen to what I said, and to ask questions that helped me to think about things in more constructive ways. What she said was, absolutely ‘common sense’ in that once she had said it, it was blindingly obvious. BUT nobody had said it to me before. So maybe it wasn’t so ‘common’.
I am longing for her to come back from mat leave as she clarified so many things for me so effectively. Genuinely life-changing (on a tiny scale).

Lot good recruiters offer help in this area. Works both ways you get idea of the job market and what you would like to do they get commission from placing you in a suitable job.

Worth trying won't cost you.
I do notice a niche 'get women back to work' maket there is money to be made in it, no doubt some coaches are good but you still need find job so going recruiter could help you skip a step.
Good luck

Tbh as an extrovert you probably are exactly the type who would benefit from a career coach.

Like a PP, the only life coaches I know are hopeless at navigating their own lives. They became life coaches because they had burned all their professional bridges.

I'm sure there are some good ones but I also think that therapy would probably be more helpful. You sound like you need to come to terms with your secondary infertility as a first step (and I'm very sorry about that - I know it's a very painful thing).

Apologies if someone already linked to this but there was a careers coach did an 'ask me anything' thread. Loads of useful info and questions like yours:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/going_back_to_work/3825984-I-m-a-career-coach-for-women-changing-direction-AMA?pg=6

@Clymene

Like a PP, the only life coaches I know are hopeless at navigating their own lives. They became life coaches because they had burned all their professional bridges.

I'm sure there are some good ones but I also think that therapy would probably be more helpful. You sound like you need to come to terms with your secondary infertility as a first step (and I'm very sorry about that - I know it's a very painful thing).

Yes I think you’re right about that. I don’t think I’ve dealt with it properly. Lots of denial for a long time, now I’m starting to accept it, but am sad. (I’m so grateful for wonderful DS though!)

I am going to look into therapy.

[quote MoiCnoi]Apologies if someone already linked to this but there was a careers coach did an 'ask me anything' thread. Loads of useful info and questions like yours:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/going_back_to_work/3825984-I-m-a-career-coach-for-women-changing-direction-AMA?pg=6[/quote]
I will read that thread now! Thank you!

OP I can relate to soooo much of your post. Have been a SAHM for 4.5 years, previously in an office job where I constantly felt out of my depth (looking back it was imposter syndrome) and basically haven’t missed it at all. What I love about being a SAHM is similar to you. Coffees and chatting at baby groups and hanging out with friends and exploring my area.

For me, a great stepping stone back to work has been taking over running one of the playgroups we go to. It’s completely voluntary, a church hall type group but running it has given me so much confidence and something great to put on my CV. And I genuinely love doing it, love the conversations, supporting other parents, leading the story and singing time, coordinating a team of volunteers, answering all the queries. (Didn’t love writing the post covid risk assessment but hey no job is perfect.)

Recently I applied for 2 very different jobs, one in a school and one as front of house for a community centre. Got offered both which was a complete shock (and made for a horrendous decision!). I took the school one as the hours were much more compatible with having kids. Long term my plan is to retrain as a speech therapist.

Anyway that doesn’t answer your question about getting a life coach at ALL. But I just related to so much of your situation that I thought it might be helpful.

@lifecoachingandotherbollocks

Cazzovuoi
"Tara Rafter is amazing, she changed my sister’s life after divorce. She’s based in Ireland www.thenavigationcoach.com/"

Yeah looks great, she asks you too look at her shop before you even begin🤑🤑🤑

I thought exactly the same, let's see how many ways I can fleece some poor gullible soul.

I would recommend a therapist to help you address your low confidence. I have one and I would say she's changed my life, I know myself so much better now. Happy to send you her details if you'd like.

Most coaches/ therapists offer a free 15 min chat to get an idea of how they work/ who they are. Would recommend doing a few of those until you find somebody you click with.

Lots of people return to work after longer career breaks - you can absolutely do this

[quote Cazzovuoi]Tara Rafter is amazing, she changed my sister’s life after divorce. She’s based in Ireland www.thenavigationcoach.com/[/quote]
This site is hilarious! It made me take a quiz and then recommended I buy some aromatherapy oils.

It has done nothing to shift my perception that life coaches are charlatans.

I'd suggest talking to a therapist, personally. I think a lot of people would benefit from this.

@mbosnz

The two people I know who have set themselves up as life coaches, have two of the biggest train wrecks of lives, personal and professional, that I know of. Which is saying something. . .

Yes, I know a couple of women who have reinvented themselves as life coaches over the past few years. They are the last people I would ever ask advice from.

Goodness I'm stunned by so many of these posts. I'm not a life coach but have worked with a few over past twenty years, and only have had positive experiences. To everyone saying they don't want advice off these people.... you don't know what coaching is. Giving advice is exactly not what coaching is. So it bears no relation to how mature or successful said life coach may be. Coaching is a form of facilitation to help you unlock things you probably already know. It's very empowering. I get why people don't want to pay for this if they have no positive experience of it. However it is a skill which any credible coach will have trained and been accredited for. I'm sure there are a lot of fake practitioners out there. I think OP is actually after some careers advice, so perhaps not the right thing at the moment, but suggest you don't rule it out based on ill informed opinions.

@Itmustbeaproblemwithyourdoodad

OP I can relate to soooo much of your post. Have been a SAHM for 4.5 years, previously in an office job where I constantly felt out of my depth (looking back it was imposter syndrome) and basically haven’t missed it at all. What I love about being a SAHM is similar to you. Coffees and chatting at baby groups and hanging out with friends and exploring my area.

For me, a great stepping stone back to work has been taking over running one of the playgroups we go to. It’s completely voluntary, a church hall type group but running it has given me so much confidence and something great to put on my CV. And I genuinely love doing it, love the conversations, supporting other parents, leading the story and singing time, coordinating a team of volunteers, answering all the queries. (Didn’t love writing the post covid risk assessment but hey no job is perfect.)

Recently I applied for 2 very different jobs, one in a school and one as front of house for a community centre. Got offered both which was a complete shock (and made for a horrendous decision!). I took the school one as the hours were much more compatible with having kids. Long term my plan is to retrain as a speech therapist.

Anyway that doesn’t answer your question about getting a life coach at ALL. But I just related to so much of your situation that I thought it might be helpful.

Oh wow our situations sound so sound similar! How did you find out about the volunteer job? Congratulations on your two new offers too! I’m feeling inspired by that.

I was made redundant when my children were 3, and for a few years I was in the 'wilderness' while they were at school.

While I filled my days with hobbies, housework, meeting friends, and then later some freelance work, I felt rudderless.

I eventually found a art-time job - and my sanity. Maybe you are overthinking this and if you started work again, you would find the answer, rather than questioning your whole life - it worked for me, although now I want to move on after 8 years!

I would invest the money in some actual skills (eg IT skills if you are going for offline jobs) or support with CV writing and interviews.

I've worked with several over the years but were for very specific things, one to sort out some crippling low self esteem, one to start my business and one to guide me through a difficult personal time. yes i could've done it myself or with friends but I found having an impartial advisor to be really helpful. However there are a ton of charlatans out there. Last year during lockdown I almost got sucked into some instagram bullshit that claimed was going to rapidly accelerate my business. It was few grand but luckily it fell apart as the people running it had been having an affair and there was a messy fall out from it. Then it transpired that the the women running it had zero experience or credibility in doing what she was claiming to be coaching us in. She was amazing at marketing it, almost got sucked in.

or support with CV writing and interviews.

A good careers adviser can do this AND help you explore any ideas you may have. They can help with finding direction and putting together a clear action plan.

How about child-minding op? Could you adapt your home?

Or doing an early years qualification at college or uni?

Or how about getting back in to copy-writing (there are lots of on-line opportunities ATM) and then combine that with some sort of nursery or child-minding work so you get the best of both worlds?

Or volunteering with children in some way to build up your confidence?

Teacher's assistant? Teacher training?

I would start with careers advice because a job will give you confidence and focus.

Good luck

Think of you OP and wondering whether any of these roles or programmes might be suitable for you. I can vouch for the aims of the endeavour where I work and have heard nothing but praise for the programme from the attendees.

https://womenreturners.com/returners/returner-opportunities/

Lots of great advice on this thread, but much of it pointing you to wards very high skilled and low paid roles. I would encourage you to spread your net wider.

If your immediate reaction is 'oh, that's not for me' reading up around impostor syndrome might be very helpful. The longer I live the more I realise that almost everyone has a touch of it.

Deep breaths and doing it anyway if the way forward. Good luck.

Personally, I am not a life coach-person. I prefer therapy/counseling, maybe because it has worked for me.

I had one and found it a waste of money. I'd have been better off seeing a few good recruitment consultants. It was way too abstract for me 'imagine yourself walking through a door and into your future..what colour is the door? What is beyond the door?...and so on. It wasn't all like that but a lot of it was quite conceptual and woooo.

IME the wise vipers of MN usually give stellar advice. I'd stick here if I were you!