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Original poster

In a rut. Considering a life coach. But will it be a waste of money?

77 replies

Iliketheorangeone · 04/10/2021 18:07

My DS has started school and I need to go back to work. When I had him, I quit my job and became a full time SAHM, then Covid happened and the nursery he went to a few mornings a week closed, so I didn’t even consider getting a job. All in all, I haven’t really worked in almost five years. Every time I look at any job ads I am filled with fear and doubt and dread. I have no confidence at my ability to do my old job!

But equally, I am bored, sad, and a bit depressed at home. Also DH and I could do with the extra income.

Someone suggested that I get a life coach.

Has anyone done it? Was it worthwhile?

I looked some up on social media and felt a little cynical. But I can’t carry on like this!

I’m also completely directionless so maybe I’m not the best candidate for a coach?

I would love to hear other people’s experiences if they got a life coach and what they got out of it! And I would love to know how they found someone they clicked with.

OP posts:
Mrbob · 04/10/2021 18:45

It depends. If you go and see a MLM type who got a qualification from Instagram at 25 then yes they will be shit. If you go and see an actual life coach recommended by someone with life experience and decent qualifications then they can be great. I used one when I wanted to go through my options for my career and we reframed my thought processes and she was fantastic and stopped me feeling like a total failure for living a life different to all the people around me. My friend then went and found her equally helpful.
But this was a woman in her 50s who was not doing it for the money but for the love of it (her other job would keep you $$$) and who genuinely understood the place I was coming from

thesandwich · 04/10/2021 18:52

There are some v good free on line courses like one run by Harvard the science of happiness. Also psychologies magazine does a v cheap one, plus lots of other on line resources for free.
Have a look at what colour is your parachute book and website to help you think about skills you want to use, and how to find work.

Seainasive · 04/10/2021 18:53

I’ve been going through some fairly major life changes and have found talking things through with a career coach very useful. I’m not one to bother my friends and family with my (admittedly very 1st world) problems though. Previous posters are right, you could do everything you would do in a coaching session by yourself, but I found the structure and discipline of the sessions useful.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Jobs
lifecoachingandotherbollocks · 04/10/2021 18:55

@Seainasive

I’ve been going through some fairly major life changes and have found talking things through with a career coach very useful. I’m not one to bother my friends and family with my (admittedly very 1st world) problems though. Previous posters are right, you could do everything you would do in a coaching session by yourself, but I found the structure and discipline of the sessions useful.
Life coach is a different thing though
Adventuresat40 · 04/10/2021 19:00

Choose carefully, OP.

A career coach, someone with experience and skills at getting women back into the workplace not someone who doesn't know what else to do so posts life affirmations on Instagram and calls it work.

Mynextname · 04/10/2021 19:07

Have you tried a free personality test/career test online? I think the 16 different personality types in myers briggs or something. It could be really helpful at narrowing down ideal career areas and then you can explore these by what is actually feasible. For instance, if it says occupational therapist but you feel a full on career wouldn't work right now then perhaps just consider support worker roles in that area or volunteering.

Also, perhaps write out the different areas in your life.. I.e romantic relationship, career, kids, house ect and rate them 1 - 10 for a) how important they are to you b) how well you think they are going. This will help you figure out what you need to work on.

Another thing to try in another small manageable chunk is to just practice something a few times a week that might start to boost your confidence. Smiling at more people. Plucking up the courage to make conversation. The more you do it the more you realise you can do it.

There is lots of free info on the Internet. If it doesn't feel like enough then why not try a self help book? X

Tryingtogetitright · 04/10/2021 19:09

My work paid for us to have monthly sessions with a life coach starting in lockdown. Has made a massive difference to me. Have had 14 sessions now and I feel more organised, healthier and am a stone lighter. Work feels more manageable. Think it helps that I have a good rapour with the coach - some of my colleagues didn't click with him and thought it was just a waste of time/money. I've also seen a counsellor and found that incredibly helpful. I think you have to embrace the process. If you go into it thinking it won't help then it probably won't, but being accountable to someone really worked for me.

BigGreen · 04/10/2021 19:12

I found the life coach I used really rude, and the sessions went nowhere. I'd seek out a proper careers advisor instead.

SpeedRunParent · 04/10/2021 19:20

Train as one yourself. You'll get all the knowledge for a fraction of the fist and you'll be set to help others.

Original poster
Iliketheorangeone · 04/10/2021 19:20

Thank you all! There is some great advice on here, I haven’t tried any online career questionnaires or anything like that, so I will.

A career coach, someone with experience and skills at getting women back into the workplace not someone who doesn't know what else to do so posts life affirmations on Instagram and calls it work.

Yes those affirmation-type-coaches I saw on Instagram were the ones that made me think maybe it wasn’t for me. But I am feeling so flat that I think I might need a push.

To the pp who suggested therapy, maybe that’s what I need?

To those telling me to ask the wisdom of mumsnet: here’s my situation! I used to be a copywriter, and I think I was only okay at it. I loved the social side of work, but struggled with imposter syndrome and confidence (in hindsight, I’m not sure if I knew that was what I was feeling at the time).

I loved being a SAHM before DS started school. I enjoyed spending time with other mums and going to clubs.

Because of that, I thought maybe I should work with young children, but I don’t think it’s that part that I liked - I think I felt confident finally, and also I made some really good friends and (when Covid wasn’t raging) made the most of the city I live in with DS.

I know the obvious would be to have another baby - but another baby is pretty much impossible (secondary infertility). I really do want another sense of purpose now.

The trouble is, I’m so listless and flat that I don’t have much drive to make things happen for myself. I know how pathetic that sounds! This the first time in my life I’ve felt purposeless: before becoming a SAHM, I had always worked. I got my first job at 16, and worked through school, uni, etc, non stop, for about 20 years, until DS was born.

OP posts:
pennysays · 04/10/2021 19:29

I’ve worked with three career coaches. The first time I needed interview coaching, it worked and I got into a great course through it. The second time I knew what I wanted with my life and didn’t really have any questions, I worked with someone who didn’t know my field and found all the introspection infuriating. This time I have got someone to help me move up a level and be my “work therapist” and it’s working well. I’ve done a lot of work on my career and have coached myself but I’m still finding it useful. The difference is: I feel I need help, I’m with someone from my field and I knew them before I started working with them as a coach.

I’d recommend getting a couple of well reviewed books out first and reading them… they’ll help you start thinking about your life trajectory. If this sparks some ideas then maybe a career coach is a good idea.

There is A LOT of bollocks out there so choose wisely, but a couple of sessions could be all you need to get you on the right track. Sometime you just need someone to ask the right questions.

ftw163532 · 04/10/2021 19:38

That does sound more like a therapy situation to me tbh. No shame in that.

Apricotblue · 04/10/2021 19:38

The life coach I know has never been in paid work. They come across as incredibly immature because all of their advice sounds like it’s an Instagram quote.
Why not start off by looking for a couple of voluntary roles, join the schools PTA or take on a temporary job? You’ll get a feeling for what you enjoy then.

PermanentTemporary · 04/10/2021 19:39

Hmmm - people. You sound like a true extrovert: other people's energy enlivens you.

What about -

  • front of house/comms at a restaurant
  • teacher
-PR
evilharpy · 04/10/2021 19:41

@Adventuresat40

Choose carefully, OP.

A career coach, someone with experience and skills at getting women back into the workplace not someone who doesn't know what else to do so posts life affirmations on Instagram and calls it work.

Agree with this, and would also add that there's a life coaching MLM (I can't remember the name of it but the affirmation-posting instahuns are a good indication) that I would avoid like the plague.

I also know several people who have done a £13.99 course from Groupon or Udemy or similar and are now calling themselves life coaches.

However I know some really excellent career coaches too who have years and years of experience, degrees in relevant disciplines, and are coaching in an industry they are very familiar with.

Just be careful and check their background and credentials.

heidiwine · 04/10/2021 19:43

I have a brilliant coach. I work for myself and she has helped me to understand what I want and how to develop my business in a way that is true to who I am.
She was recommended to me by a friend. She is qualified in coaching. Before I found her I was pressured/almost scammed by another coach. So it is a minefield. Go with a solid recommendation from someone you know and trust.
PM me if you want the details - at least you can check the qualifications this coach has before you find someone.

Artdecolover · 04/10/2021 19:45

Read how to be more pirate

thesandwich · 04/10/2021 19:46

It sounds like considering counselling first might give you a space to explore the issues you face. Look at BACP for recommended ones.

ojojojoja · 04/10/2021 19:47

have a read of the book "atomic habits" by james clear. It might eliminate the need for a life coach. Very popular book with some great strategies for turning your life around one tiny bit at a time.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 04/10/2021 19:48

I’m sure some life coachs are brilliant, but you might kiss a few frogs trying to find a good one (or I should say ‘the best one for you’ - because everyone wants different things from a coach).
What are your friends like for advice? Or relatives/friends of your parents etc? If I wanted some ‘life advice’ I would pick a few of my friends and ask them first. Sometimes just chatting through things with a good friend is a good start.

SkinnyMirror · 04/10/2021 19:48

You'd be far better going to a qualified careers adviser.

If you went to university you may be entitled to some careers support as some offer careers advice for life.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 04/10/2021 19:49

Some careers advisers are absolutely awful, so watch out there too…

Original poster
Iliketheorangeone · 04/10/2021 19:49

@PermanentTemporary

Hmmm - people. You sound like a true extrovert: other people's energy enlivens you.

What about -

  • front of house/comms at a restaurant
  • teacher
-PR
Yes I think I really realised that when I stopped working - I get my energy from people and being out and about. I did not miss sitting in front of a computer all day at all!

Now I sort of fuss around the house all day with no real objective but to do school pickup at 3:30 ConfusedSad - it’s really bringing me down!

OP posts:
SkinnyMirror · 04/10/2021 19:51

@Moonlaserbearwolf

Some careers advisers are absolutely awful, so watch out there too…
Which is why you should look for someone qualified- preferably with a postgraduate qualification and who is registered/a member of the relevant professional body.
PermanentTemporary · 04/10/2021 19:54

What about sales - business to business? Or estate agency?

Sales is not easy but you can often get training and if you're good at it I believe its serious money.