Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Do some mothers become poisonous when they get old?

66 replies

Jellypot · 03/10/2021 14:19

I don't usually get offended easily but there was an incident at home recently.

I live at home. In recent years I fell in love with making homemade soups. It's often inexpensive, tasty, nutritious, filling and there's enough soup for a few days. I love looking for different soup recipes. It's so easy too. Typically it's cooking some veg in a pot, adding a liquid stock and blending it all up. It's so easy.

I live at home with my mother and there was a cooking show on TV and the cook was making a homemade courgette soup. It looked interesting. I never would have thought about using courgette in a soup and it definitely peaked my interest in the show. My mother sat watching the cooking show criticising his soup and criticising homemade soup in general saying something like
'who in their right mind would go to all the bother of making a homemade soup...theres too much trouble in it....when all you can do is buy a packet or can of soup.' So she said what she wanted to say and then the worst part was she said it again and then turned her words around to say it again in a different way. She knows I love making homemade soups and all she did was criticise the making of homemade soups. The issue was she became so vocal about something so minor. It's a soup on TV. I felt to some degree she was trying to critise me and my liking towards making soups. There was definitely something there in her at that time and I saw it in her face. Her face was bitter. It was horrible.

It was later that night when I became disappointed because I just let it slide when I should I have answered her back and said something like - 'what is the point of watching cooking shows if your not going to make anything from them.'

OP posts:
Stoppochoco · 03/10/2021 15:30

In opening op, you describe falling in love with making soup (I enjoy cooking making soups, but describing it as a love would be pushing it somewhat). You're also watching a cooking show on soup making, so those two points alone would suggest that soup making would at least crop up a bit more in your conversations than you are acknowledging, maybe she is fed up of the topic.
Was the cookery demonstration of courgette soup, overly faffy, some recipes are overly complicated. Maybe it was just an off the cuff remark about that, as opposed to carefully thought out attack on you.
Personally I would just have asked what she meant, she is your mum after all, before posting on here, but we're all different I guess.

TDogsInHats · 03/10/2021 15:34

@Anotherdayanotherdollar

Also, I never realised how much the word "soups" irritates me... Blush
Same here. Soups! Why not soup.
MintyCedric · 03/10/2021 15:35

I think you're being a little oversensitive tbh, and I say that as someone who's mum can be a right pita a with whom I have very little in common.

This is exactly the kind of conversation we'd have...I love cooking, my mum can't stand it and absolutely wouldn't understand why anyone would want to spend time in the kitchen if they didn't have to. I just let her opinions wash over me.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Ionlydomassiveones · 03/10/2021 15:37

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

BananaPB · 03/10/2021 15:39

I have been NC with my mum for 20 years.

I was talking to my brother about 5 years ago assuming that age might have mellowed her but she's worse than ever. Not going to bore you with details but age did not mellow her at all.

TDogsInHats · 03/10/2021 15:40

@Shoxfordian

Mothers don’t become poisonous like mushrooms

Maybe she doesn’t like your soup

But people do change personality if they develop Alzheimer's disease for example. (Pre diagnosis as PP said and empathy and filter go.)
WorraLiberty · 03/10/2021 15:40

Errrm as a stand alone 'problem', this all sounds pretty mildly petty.

If it's just one of many irritating things about your Mum, then it's probably time to move out.

But to answer your question "Do some mothers become poisonous when they get old?"

I don't think poisonous behavior has anything to do with age or being a mother for that matter.

Auroreforet · 03/10/2021 15:40

@MintyCedric

I think you're being a little oversensitive tbh, and I say that as someone who's mum can be a right pita a with whom I have very little in common.

This is exactly the kind of conversation we'd have...I love cooking, my mum can't stand it and absolutely wouldn't understand why anyone would want to spend time in the kitchen if they didn't have to. I just let her opinions wash over me.

Do you live with your dm though? I think that may be the crux of this.
MintJulia · 03/10/2021 15:43

She's asserting pecking order because you make decent food where she can't be bothered.
My dm used to try that. I responded by saying 'oh yum, look, enumbers, guar gum, mono sodium glutamate. Lovely !!'

She shut up after that Grin

PhoboPhobia · 03/10/2021 15:50

@gamerchick

How old are you OP, do you work? You seem to have an awful lot of drama in your life.
'an awful lot of drama' what? She just posted about one incident. That is the most condescending thing I've read on here in a long time.
ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 03/10/2021 15:52

Does she eat your soup? (Or do you drink soup?)

LookMoreCloselier · 03/10/2021 15:57

Why would you just stay silent? I'd have said to my own mother 'is that a dig at me?'.

gamerchick · 03/10/2021 15:58

an awful lot of drama' what? She just posted about one incident. That is the most condescending thing I've read on here in a long time

You think this is the only thread the OP has posted in a short space of time?

IncessantNameChanger · 03/10/2021 16:03

I know someones mum.who has become very proud of her "I'm saying it as I see it at my age" mantra. Unfortunately she has offended and alienated tonnes of people but cant make the connection.

My mum on the other hand always took delight in others pain and is rude about everything and always has been.

Less contact works well

Franklyfrost · 03/10/2021 16:04

YABVU for saying you fell in love with making soups. But also, your mum was a bit mean.

LagneyandCasey · 03/10/2021 16:11

Is it a sudden change in her personality? As pp said it can sometimes indicate dementia.

beigebrownblue · 03/10/2021 16:15

Is she perhaps just fed up with housework in general?
I've cooked for my DD since she was little. Partly for nutrition and partly to save money.

But when she hit teenage years in particular it wasn't appreciated at all. And getting her to contribute to cleaning or household maintenance is like pulling teeth.

So currently I feel like not bothering, and since it is not appreciated choosing prepackaged stuff instead.

My mum did the same. There came a point after four kids where she never wanted to cook ever again and left it all to my dad. I've met other women who've done the same.

Or else just maintain they can't cook.

CyclingIsNotOuting · 03/10/2021 16:16

Love a home made soup.

MintyCedric · 03/10/2021 16:16

@Auroreforet

Not currently but I visit 5 days a week to support her (and care for my dad until he passed away recently) and lived with her for the best part of two years when my marriage broke down in my early forties.

I'm not for one moment trying to minimise how bloody annoying this kind of thing is, but elderly parents are like teenagers...you have to pick your battles and ignore a lot of their BS.

Chinosss · 03/10/2021 16:18

Your life is full of drama Confused

Fluffycloudland77 · 03/10/2021 16:19

Was she ever taught to make soup though? With all the convenience foods in the 70’s soup was tinned or powdered. They literally wouldn’t know where to start.

I made a cottage pie once and an older female relative said she wouldn’t know where to start.

PhoboPhobia · 03/10/2021 16:23

@gamerchick

an awful lot of drama' what? She just posted about one incident. That is the most condescending thing I've read on here in a long time

You think this is the only thread the OP has posted in a short space of time?

Ah - should have guessed - my shit oh meter was off whack!
Autumngoldleaf · 03/10/2021 16:27

Well my dm used to critique me for making veg juices? Homemade carrot, celery, ginger etc all amazing stuff
You would have thought after a life time of trying to foist moist soggy carrots on me that she would be delighted that I had found a way to get these veg in. She spoke as if it was crack cocaine but generally and over all it was the odd comment in usual very good humour, loving kind relationships and I shrugged it off as batty nonsense.

SaskiaRembrandt · 03/10/2021 16:30

@gamerchick

How old are you OP, do you work? You seem to have an awful lot of drama in your life.
I was just thinking the same.
regthetabbycat · 03/10/2021 16:35

@blacksax

Perhaps she is fed up of your soups being foisted on her all the time, especially if you make a massive pot that lasts for days. Just a thought.
Then she can refuse it like any normal person would and cater for herself!